There’s almost no news value to this at all, but seeing Mets outfielder Jeff Francoeur going fetal in the presence of a fly ball is just so enjoyably bizarre. You know, outfielders have done nothing but catch the ball for so long in this game, it’s great to see somebody trying a different approach. I’m sure the sabermetricians are scratching their heads over how to quantify it. Though if they can work the acronym into something like PUSS, I could totally get down with that. via.
It was easy to dis on baseball all the time when I was writing exclusively for an NFL blog, but I realize that some of you might actually like baseball and would like to see it get a fair shake in coverage here. That’s fair. I guess we’ll see how that goes.
ASYLUM POLL: Baseball is back…will you be watching?
Baseball started. Philadelphia lost to Atlanta last night after Braves pitcher Derek Lowe allowed only two hits through eight innings and Brian McCann, Jeff Francoeur, and some new guy all hit homeruns that looked like they would have been outfield fly outs in 1985. Good thing we got rid of all the steroids in the game now, or else who knows how far those balls would have really gone?
And yet, for some reason, Opening Day is actually today. It’s like when I created my own alibi by leaving that message on some hooker’s voicemail as I was tossing her dead body into a shallow grave. It’s not time travel per se, but it keeps the police from asking questions.
For Braves fans, it's not enough simply to disparage the conquered, noble Injun peoples by doing tomahawk chops and cliched warrior moans, they needed to bring a giant mechanical cow in on the act. Me smoke 'em racist pipe.
Chick-fil-A's metro Atlanta restaurants are taking the company's cow campaign to new heights, hoisting a 40-foot tall, 15,000-pound, tomahawk-chopping mechanical cow atop the Braves' stadium.
The cow is expected to arrive in Atlanta this weekend and be unveiled at the June 20 game against the Seattle Mariners. Look for it between the big Coca-Cola bottle and the out-of-town scoreboard.
The local Chick-fil-A operators wanted to do something that clearly tied the chicken sandwich chain to its Atlanta roots, said Robin Ogle, Atlanta area marketing director for Chick-fil-A.
Poor fat-ass Andruw Jones. He takes big money to depart for Los Angeles so that he can slump abjectly. And now? They stick 15,000 lbs. of cow in the outfield, conveniently next to a giant soda bottle. Throw in some grits and he'd have been set. Can you believe all this organic food they try to make him eat out in L.A.? At least they're not asking for him to produce on the field. Running with 15 Dodger dogs in his esophagus is not advisable.
The matron saint of page views, Erin Andrews (Erin Pageviews?), was working last night's game in Wrigley Field between the Cubs and the Braves decked out in what she described as "spelling bee yellow". Erin, around here, we call it "police tape yellow". "Can I have a vowel? Whatever," she bubbles. Hey, there're two vowels in anal.
Broadcaster and former Cubbie Rick Sutcliffe was so captivated that he declined discussing his upcoming surgery with partner Dave O'Brien in order to speculate on the prospect of the wind exposing Erin's panties.
Sutcliffe: "Well, I'm more worried about Erin, than I was me. Wearing that skirt tonight in the Windy City? You think all eyes weren't on her during batting practice?"
That'll show the grim specter of death that your horndoggish ways can't be suppressed by terminal disease. You hear that, AIDS, I can have all the sex I want!
This is what counts for exciting in baseball.
[Ballhype]
Today's spotlight is on two hitters who are heating up just as their teams make runs for the playoffs: Atlanta's Mark Teixeria and Raul Ibanez of the Mariners. Teixeira homered twice last night — the second time in as many games — to lift the Braves to a 14-4 victory over the Reds and give Tim Hudson his NL-leading 15th victory. Tex now has 9 home runs and 25 RBI in 18 games since the July 31st trade that brought him to Atlanta from Texas. So… kind of a good trade.
Ibanez also went yard twice last night as the Mariners opened a tough stretch of road games with a 9-4 win over the Twins. After hitting just six home runs in his first 97 games, Ibanez now has 9 in the last 13 contests. His 3-for-5 night raised his August batting average to .431, which (in a strange coincidence) was my blood alcohol level Saturday night.
Other MLB scores: A-Rod's league-leading 40th homer not enough as Yanks lose to Angels in 10th… Meanwhile, Prince Fielder's blasted his 39th to lead the Brewers' shutout of Arizona, moving Milwaukee back into the NL Central lead… Bobby Jenks gave up a single to end his string of 41 consecutive batters retired, but the White Sox actually won a game, so it kind of evens out.
