Roger Clemens' former trainer Brian McNamee is informing on people faster than Henry Hill at the end of Goodfellas:

McNamee added a new name to the list of people he says he injected with drugs: Debbie Clemens. McNamee told congressional investigators he injected the Rocket's wife with HGH — at the seven-time Cy Young Award winner's direction — before the couple posed for a 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo shoot, a lawyer familiar with his testimony said Friday.

Clemens' lawyers vehemently denied this latest accusation, but she does look pretty good in that picture. It's a great idea, too. I was always so focussed on blurring my own vision, that I never thought of injecting women with something to make them look better. But I guess that's why the Rocket is a professional, and I'm just an alcoholic who dims the lights before his sexual 'conquests'. -KD 

Photo: SI.com

Via the wonderful SPORTSbyBROOKS (who is doing God's work by the way – where does he find those lovely ladies?), Media Take Out is reporting that Kobe and Vanessa Bryant are soon to be divorced:

We spoke with a person extremely close to Kobe Bryant, who claims that the 28 year old ball player is ready to put an end to his 6 year marriage. The insider tells MediaTakeOut.com, "They've been trying [to make things better] now for more than a year, but it's just not working out … Kobe's in the process of moving out [of their home] and both are ready to officially end things."

For all you ladies out there, note well Vanessa's modus operandi: stand by your hubby when he's accused of rape, graciously accept his apology accompanied with a $4 million diamond ring, divorce him a few years later.  Since the Bryants' had no prenuptial agreement, the 24-year-old Vanessa stands to receive half of $200 million.  Let me do the math in my head . . . that's $100 mill.  Vanessa gets lovelier every second, doesn't she?  Perhaps she'll need a blogger repairman when she moves to Wysteria Lane?  Knock on door.  Me: My work order says your blog needs some assistant editing?  Vanessa: (Sexily) Yes it does. The problem is in my bedroom.  95 second sex scene. 15 minute sex scene. 2.5 hour sex scene.  Post-coital embrace.  Vanessa: Would you consent to being my kept man?  Me: Zzzzz. -KD  

UPDATE: Or maybe they're not — have fun ogling more SbB girls.  Please notice that I added a question mark to the title, which affords me complete blogger immunity. 

Tiger Woods spent his Sunday walking around a beautiful green park, occasionally using sticks to put a little white ball into holes placed around the park.  For hitting the little white ball more efficiently than anyone else (he finished -13), he was paid $1.134 million and named the winner of the Wachovia Championship at Quail Hollow in Charlotte, N.C.

Somebody named Steve Stricker placed second, unable to capitalize on Woods's 3-putt double bogey on the 13th hole.  Phil Mickelson tied for third at nine under, and several other people enjoyed lovely walks in the sun.

Good God that was dull.  This is what happens when the weekend editor writes about all the good stories on Sunday.  Kevin got Roger Clemens's fat ass and Steve Nash's bloody nose (and Tony Parker's bitching and crying and flopping).  I get nature walks.  Fuckin' Mondays, man.

Tiger Woods had some trouble on the 13th tee at The Masters yesterday:

Fully loaded and getting ready to hit his tee shot on the par-5 13th hole Friday, Woods was suddenly distracted by the shadow of a bird that flew directly over his ball.  Somehow, he was able to stop the swing before he made contact — practically impossible for a guy who makes contact at something approaching 130 mph.  "I felt like I broke my back, my wrist, my neck, my legs," Woods said.

So the shadow of a bird nearly crushed one of the most dominant professional athlete's on the planet.  Golf is like some awesome martial arts film.  Lesser golfers would have crumbled to ash under the avian adumbration, but the dedicated training and great strength of Master Woods allowed him to survive.

He said it felt like the club was going to snap because when he stopped the swing so abruptly, physics dictated that the head of the club was still moving after he had stopped the shaft. 

Excellent, a practical use of Newton's First and Second Laws of Motion.  The intricacies of golf are truly enthralling!  Most casual sports fans would hear that the top player in the sport can be brought to his knees by a shadow and say "that is not a sport" or "this is more boring and loathsome than a Sandra Bullock film", but not the dedicated observer.  To the true links fan, an aborted stroke caused by the briefest of obscurities is where the magic happens. -KD

The Chief introduced us to Gia Allemand about a week ago, and her future hubby has her in the news again because he missed his scheduled start on Friday:

"The reason I left, my girlfriend had a severe medical condition and I had to be with her," Pavano said.

Pavano didn't give specifics about the problem, but said his girlfriend is "doing well."

I bet she is doing very well Carl.  I wonder what 'severe medical condition' she was suffering from? And what was the remedy?  It's a good thing she's your fiancée pal, because I tried that 'medical' line with the judge before, and it didn't fly.

"It definitely weighed on me," Pavano said. "There definitely was a little bit of a struggle about me wanting to pitch. I went with the voice of reason because my head was kind of going in both directions. In life, sometimes there are things you've got to take care of that take precedent over that."

We've all had that struggle – Should I blow-off my scheduled nooner or should I risk losing my job?  But that wasn't the voice of reason you heard Carl, in fact, that voice is the exact opposite of reason. -KD

Get the defibrillator. My heart has stopped because I'm in absolute shock from this story:

Sacramento Kings forward Ron Artest was arrested Monday on suspicion of domestic violence following an incident at his Loomis home…

"(There is) conflicting information about what actually started the argument, but it resulted in some pushing. Through our investigation we determined that Mr. Artest had shoved the victim to the floor several times and that he attempted to leave," Placer County Sheriff's Department Sgt. Andrew Scott said…

Artest was booked at Placer County Jail. He was released on bail Monday afternoon… [He] is barred from his five-acre estate for the time being.

Just for fun, let's look back at Ron-Ron's most recent advice column in Dime Magazine:

My favorite quote is “I’ma smack the [expletive] out of you.”

And… scene.

UPDATE: Ben Maller notes that Artest's wife smashed his Hummer's windshield while he was in the SUV. So I guess everybody's crazy.