Former Major Leaguer Fernando Tatis is quietly one of the best follows on Twitter. While a lot of baseball writers and fans in general – perhaps 2,797 of them – are familiar with his quirky Twitter habits, like his harmless trash-talking at Chan Ho Park that some people took a little too seriously, many people are missing out on Fernando’s new career as an MS Paint artist. Eat your heart out, Danger Guerrero.

As I’d seen his incredible work before, Fernando’s art was nothing new to me, but I was reminded of the combination of his exceptional talent and kind-hearted nature yesterday, when he had this pleasant exchange with a fan…

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Meet Mamika and Bob, subjects of photographer/conceptual artist Sacha Goldberger, as seen on Faith Is Torment. Yes, it’s basically just a lady and a chicken. The photos are really endearing, oddly, and if you ever wanted to see a chicken exercising and jumping rope, here’s your shot. Because art. It’s better than the push-ups monkey, at least.

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Chronicling Sterling Archer’s Many, Many Injuries, Ailments, And Gunshot Wounds |UPROXX|

This Week in Posters: The Hangover 3, 1st look at Harrison Ford in Anchorman |Film Drunk|

The Insane Idea Behind The ‘Up All Night’ Reboot That Drove Christina Applegate Off The Series |Warming Glow|

FOX Sports 1 Network Promises Even More Free Live UFC Events |With Leather|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

7 Mixtape Stars Who Faded Into Obscurity |Smoking Section|

WELKAH TESTING THE MAHHKET IS A REMINDAH THAT SPARTS IS PURELY A BUSINESS |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

10 Medical Tools You’re Glad Only Exist in Museums |Mental Floss|

YouTube HOF: James Franco |Grantland|

Dog Listens To ‘Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta’ |HuffPost Comedy|

6 Kickstarters from the People Who Usually Ask for Money |College Humor|

30 Rock’s Five Top Musical Moments, Picked By the Show’s Composer, Jeff Richmond |Vulture|

Breaking Bad: 1995 Sitcom Style |Clip Nation|

Rappers & Taxes: Can They Write Off Strip Club Expenses? |Giant Life|

Rachel Weisz Is Perfection. NO ONE DENIES THIS |Pajiba|

Shaq Finally Gets Revenge on Aaron Carter from 2001’s ‘How I Beat Shaq’ |Brobible|

Homemade Iron Man 3 Trailer |High Definite|

Okay, that headline is technically a lie. The Oregon Duck — the best mascot in college sports, based solely on the fact that he parodied ‘Gangnam Style’ only days after it blew up, instead of waiting 6 months like everybody else — is aping the museum scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to promote THE DUCK KNOWS ART?, an Oregon football art contest.

If you got to spend an afternoon in an art museum with ersatz Donald Duck, how would you spend it? If you answered “by watching him destroy art and almost make out with 2013′s equivalent to Mia Sara,” you’ll love this. Video is below.

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Update: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar hates shit.

You wouldn’t think the guy who wore a golf sweater with Uncle Phil on ‘The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air’ and and taught Uncle Jesse how to play basketball on ‘Full House’ would be so hyper-critical of popular culture, but the 2013 version of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is suddenly super into telling you what he hates about stuff he sees. He hates ‘Girls.’ He thought Django Unchained was a “good B-movie.” KAREEM ONLY LIKES THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW AND OZU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

The folks at ‘Conan’ have taken advantage of Kareem’s late-life blogger crisis by having him review other things, and, as you might expect from a Conan sketch that actually involves the person they’re making fun of, it’s great. Kareem reviews Silver Linings Playbook, discusses the fiber benefits of whole grain Fig Newtons and slam dunks the Mona Lisa, both figuratively and literally. It’s not him running down that kid’s dad in Airplane!, but it’s worth a watch.

Video is below.

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What a sh*tty statue.

Growing up in Florida, I’ve never known the joy of building a snowman or especially spelling my name in the snow. But something that I didn’t know is that kids in some places that are extremely cold share that problem, as they are unable to sculpt the snow since it obviously turns into ice. Take, for instance, the village of Yolba in Russia, where the below-40 temperature has left the locals with nothing to sculpt. Nothing but hot cow dung, that is.

A building manager by day and dung pioneer by night, Mikhail Bopposov decided that he’d be damned if he was going to let a lack of powder or chainsaws get in his way in making a fun sculpture for the local kids to enjoy during this winter season. So he went out on his farm or ranch or whatever he has and started scooping up the crap from his 17 cows and turned it all into an 880-pound sculpture of a cobra to honor the Chinese Year of the Snake.

Go ahead and soak that whole stinky sentence in.

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Back when I was in college, I used to go to the campus police bicycle auction each semester, partly because I thought it was really f*cked up that they just took random bikes that belonged to random people who may have vanished from the face of the Earth for all we know, and partly because I needed a bike. But the problem was that these bikes were all really ugly and I was poor, so I never wasted my $5 on any of them, and I just walked everywhere like Caine from Kung Fu.

I never actually wondered if those bikes were ever purchased or what eventually became of them, but for the sake of this post making sense – cycling is also a sport – I lost many nights of sleep over the years wondering if those bikes ever found homes. And now, I’m hoping that they were purchased by Israeli artist Nirit Levav, who originally focused her creativity on fashion design but eventually chose to sculpt from raw materials.

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