Links

What Tim Tebow Is Saying While He’s Tebowing - “Jesusly” is an adjective (adverb?) I’m going to start using daily. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

40 Awesomely Nerdy License Plates - Yesterday I saw a truck with Texas plates that just said “EARTH”. Who signs up for vanity plates and is all, “you know what? Make it say EARTH”. And “Texas EARTH” for that matter. [Gamma Squad]

Mickey Rourke: “Most Actresses Are C*nts With A Capital K.” - Aside from that remark, this interview is awesome. How did you prepare? I showed up, and there were hot chicks. If his face didn’t look like that, he’d be my hero. [Film Drunk]

Not Everyone Thinks Highly Of Beats By Dre Headphones - Great, now he’s going to push back the release date and feel sorry for himself for a few years. [Smoking Section]

The Best Of #Buster Bluth - He’s a monster. [UPROXX]

Jason Segel and the Muppets Are Welcome to Host ‘SNL’ Any Time - Kermit touching his belly on the “Really” part of Weekend Update is my new favorite thing. I genuinely care more about Kermit than I do most celebrities. [Warming Glow]

Arnold Schwarzenegger Should Do DVD Commentary For Every Movie Ever - This is where I link you to Gamma Squad, and you go there and watch the video about Arnold Schwarzenegger. [Gamma Squad]

The Greatest Mugshot Ever - Our generation in a nutshell, people. [Buzzfeed]

Food Shoved Into Other Food - And bring us the finest food you’ve got stuffed with the second finest. [Adult Swim]

Awesomely Geeky Couple Poses for ‘Star Wars’ Engagement Photos - Sorry, no part of this is awesome. Star Wars scientifically cannot be awesome in 2011. It’s ruined, guys, go watch Babylon 5. [The FW]

Magazine Celebrates 50 Cent’s Five Different Personalities - I guess when he changes clothes it’s a different personality? [Popcrush]

20 Awesome Title Graphic GIF’s of 16 and 8-Bit Games - Super awesome. This is how we should be spending our time. (although I guess that leads to situations like the mugshot, doesn’t it) [Unreality]

Crap, this isn’t what they’re talking about, is it.

Links

It’s Official: Netflix Is Bringing Back ‘Arrested Development’ For Another Season - Now if they can do this with ‘Community’ and ‘Firefly’, and somehow convince the cast of ‘Freaks and Geeks’ to go back in time to when they were younger and be good again. [UPROXX]

Happy Birthday To Us: A Gallery of Birthday Animals - I hate being a new editor, I don’t know when any of our holidays are. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to work on Thanksgiving. I’m vegan, so I’m stuck working, right? [Gamma Squad]

Just What ‘The Matrix’ Needed: Mambo No. 5 - Don’t know why this exists, but I love it. The trompets. The TROMpets. [Film Drunk]

ESPN’s Lee Corso Says The F-Word, The World Laughs - New professional goal: get on ESPN once, use the phrase “you f**kers”. [Smoking Section]

This Explains So Much - The next time it’s 11:15 on a Saturday night and an SNL writer doesn’t have an idea, fire him and replace him with someone who is funny and can produce without ruining everything. [Warming Glow]

6 Photos Of Cats Who Look Like Drake - I love this, if only for the possibility of the hashtag “I hurt myself: Meow”. [Buzzfeed]

9 Towns with Tasty Thanksgiving Names - Like when you’re a kid and think the country of “Turkey” is funny, but longer. [The FW]

Lil Wayne Returns to Hometown to Hand Out Thanksgiving Turkeys - They should really keep filming him doing stuff like this and try to witness a Christmas Miracle. [Popcrush]

30 Inexplicably Damning Reviews For Awesome Movies - Movie reviews are the worst. I like to review a movie by watching it with someone, then turning to them and saying “so what’d you think”, then talking about what we thought. [FARK]

Kermit on Jason Segel’s Nude Scene: He Had ‘Shortcomings’ - Not really interested in Kermit the Frog looking at dicks, guys. [Moviefone]

The 5 Best #SAVECOMMUNITY Campaign Posters Made To Avert The Darkest Timeline - You know what would’ve worked even better? More good season 3 episodes of ‘Community’. |Pajiba|

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Best DVD Commentary Ever - I love you, Arnold, and I don’t care what a weird creep you are in real life. [High Definite]

A few in-house links, to start

- Like us on Facebook! We have a human (me) updating it now, so no more robot copy-pasta.
- Follow us on Twitter so you never miss an update.
- Follow me on Twitter, because I’m 20 followers away from 1,000 and need your validation.

Now, on to Taylor Swift looking surprised when she isn’t even surprised.

Links

Arrested Development Cast Reuniting for 10 More Shows & A Movie (No, Seriously This Time) - Six seasons and a movie! [Film Drunk]

Arrested Development Returns And The Internet Rejoices - If your friend says meh and thinks this won’t “live up” to the original series, tell him to appreciate it when he gets wonderful magical presents from God. I don’t care if this is just deleted scenes in a montage, I’m all over it. [UPROXX]

The Best Of #Entertainment 720 - Aw Snapple, are we calling everybody baby, now? [UPROXX]

Taylor Swift Performs With T.I. & Usher In Atlanta - Sorta like when Nelly recorded a song with Tim McGraw, but for teenagers instead of old people. [Smoking Section]

Life After Death: Cassettes Are Making A Indie Comeback - Hopefully cassingles will make a comeback, too, and I can finally unload this Poison “Unskinny Bop” cassingle I’ve been hoarding since like 1989. [Smoking Section]

Kenan Thompson Is Marrying This. - AW HERE IT GO. Ah well, the guy has had a sustainable comedy career for almost two decades, was a Mighty Duck and was in Good Burger. He deserves it. [Warming Glow]

Pie-Humper’s Wife Bought Him A Beej From A Hooker - Best/saddest line: “The most exciting part of the day was Keisha complimenting me on my blowjob skills. I love approval of any kind.” [Film Drunk]

Little Kid’s Reaction To Darth Vader Being Luke’s Father - Now let’s see his reaction to making the car lights come on using only The Force. [Gamma Squad]

5 Most Insane iPhone 5 Rumors - It will do your dishes! It can command your dog from over five miles away! It can sprout legs and attack you on the moon! YOU MUST HAVE IPHONE 5. [Buzzfeed]

High School Football Player Quits Team to Become Cheerleader - Good for him! I quit my high school football team to concentrate on my studies, and because I was terrible at football and shouldn’t have been on the football team. [Brobible]

The 20 Most Successful Christian-Themed Films of All Time - Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland counts, as it contained Christian themes like killing a dragon with a jumping sword slash and dancing so excitedly your head spins around. [Pajiba]

Links

My Two Days With Glee - We’re going to try to make Progressive Boink a thing again, I think. Check out Bill’s latest article, a rundown of Glee that will help you explain to your friends why you hate Glee, but haven’t been able to articulate it. [Progressive Boink]

Miami Marlins New Logo: Really Bad, But Not The Worst Possible - I think the “Home Improvement” logo idea is the best, and would buy a Miami Marlins: The Complete Baseball Season hat the minute they were stitched together. [SBN]

Kenyon Martin Reportedly Signs Richest Contract In Chinese Basketball’s History - I hope this isn’t followed by the story “Kenyon Martin Reportedly Has Second Baby, Doesn’t Know Which One To Choose”. Culturally-insensitive jokes about China, everybody! [Smoking Section]

The 8 Best Movie Baseballs - Everyone’s Hero or it didn’t happen. Come on, that movie features a boy named “Yankee”. [Moviefone]

Kendra Wilkinson Says The Secret To Good Marriage Is Having Sex In Different Locations - Totally agree. The secret to good marriage for me is going to be having sex with Kendra Wilkinson in different locations. [FARK]

The Ten Greatest ‘Simpsons’ Characters Who Appear in Only One Episode - If this list didn’t have so many qualifiers it could go on forever. Dinner Dog, for example. [Warming Glow]

Awesome People Hanging Out With Chevy Chase - This could be 50 pictures of him standing next to Alison Brie and I’d click through it. Actually, I’d click though that one first. Can somebody make that one? [UPROXX]

After 30 Years Of Making Music, R.E.M. Is No More - I like to think that one guy with glasses woke up last week and went “oh christ, I’ve been in REM for THIRTY YEARS” and just jumped through his closed window. [UPROXX]

James Cameron Bringing Cat-Monkey Pterodactyl Rape to Disney World - He’s probably just redoing the Tarzan treehouse, guys. The only place you get raped at Disney is in the line for Roger Rabbit. [Film Drunk]

‘Arrested Development’ Cast to Reunite - If there’s no news about the movie announced here, I’m never caring about an Arrested Development reunion again. Don’t Twilight Princess this thing, people. [Warming Glow]

The Last Words Of 25 Famous Dead Writers - Pretty sad that mine are going to be “hey guys”. [Buzzfeed]

The now regular pre-read numbers:

1. The last two editions of The Best and Worst of WWE Raw have clocked in at around 140 comments each, and I can’t tell you how thankful I am to you for that. I love reading your comments, even the negative ones, and the more you comment the more dynamic and engaging this whole process becomes. In fact, I’m proposing a contest: If we can get this shared around to enough jerky forums and Facebook feeds to get to 200 comments (legitimate comments, not +1 or john cena gay, or john cena gay +1) I’ll start handing out prizes. Because I like you, and you’re doing me a favor.

2. I’m officially giving up my quest to get @KaitlynWWE to notice me, so I’m moving on to @WWEKaitlyn, who I’m pretty sure is a fat guy trolling fan sites. I bet that guy would think I’m great.

3. I’m thinking about parlaying this into some kind of wrestling podcast. Is that a terrible idea? I feel like wrestling podcasts are either droll, lispy lists of dirt sheet rumors or wrestlers making inside jokes with their friends. I don’t lisp and I barely have any friends. I think it would work. Thoughts?

Anyway, enjoy the column. I got it up before four o’clock!

Read the rest of this entry »

In the best jetpack-related disaster to happen on Fox since George Michael battled a giant mole and accidentally destroyed Sudden Hill, Fox 5 Reporter Matt Johnson tries to tape an intro with a cool aeronaut and almost gets dumped in the drink by the grinning moron and his wacky flying machine. Two observations:

1. Jetpacks still need a little work, and
2. Fox 5 should probably start a little later

I’ve watched this about ten times, and I think what makes it funny is how helplessly the guy tumbles into the water. Like, he doesn’t take off and then crash, he just steps off the platform and drowns. You don’t get to see what happens, but I hope the jetpack kicked in just as he went underwater and he got shot straight down to the bottom. And then he stays under too long and everyone gets concerned, but then he FLIES UP out of the water and up into the sky yelling WOO HOOOOOOO.

I watch too many superhero movies.

[h/t The Daily What]