And now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together (and sometimes watch them play softball). It’s Sports On TV: the 15 greatest sports moments of Arrested Development.
By way of Armenia’s ‘ArmFC’ comes a clip Cage Potato calls “the classiest child abuse video of them all”, and just like CP I can’t decide if I think it’s adorable or that everyone involved should be thrown in prison, and that the prison should be set on fire.
In the video (presented after the jump, so you don’t have to watch it if the sentence “6-year old and 7-year old have a sanctioned MMA fight in an Armenian bar for the enjoyment of old men” skeevs you out too much) a 6-year old and a 7-year old have a sanctioned MMA fight in an Armenian bar for the enjoyment of old men. It can really go either way … the scaled down cage is great, the pre-fight weigh-ins are predictably cute and those FLAME GRAPHIX look pretty tight. Kids fight, and we’ve all probably been in fights way worse than this. They’re just wrestling, really, and if they punch each other how hard can it hurt? They’re seven. On the other side, that sentence in italics. If you can watch a 6-year old pretend to dig a grave and bury a child in it before punching his corpse and not feel a little weird about it … yeah, I don’t know.
Anyway, here you go. Stick around long enough to see the Baby Buster short.
10 Athletes Who Would Have Been Greater If They Listened To Kenny F*cking Powers - If you missed this yesterday, kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone. (but no, seriously, read it) [With Leather]
10 Celebrities Who Look Like Abandoned Mattresses - Somehow this may be the greatest meme in Internet history, simply for how accurate it is. Poor January Jones. [UPROXX]
Madonna Joins Twitter For A Day, Flirts With Deadmau5 - Prince should join Twitter, he should have a midi of one keyboard note playing in the background and every tweet should be the continuation of the same non-stop sentence. [UPROXX]
5 Directions Medicine Can Go In Now That Cancer Is Toast - More stuff that gives 70-year olds boners, please! [Gamma Squad]
Quick Hits: Verdicts and Renewal Odds on 5 New Television Series - Everything on CBS: loved and renewed. Everything on NBC: good stuff canceled, stuff that looks like it should be on CBS renewed. [Warming Glow]
Hunger Games Review: The Future is Blurry - I sure am excited to keep hearing people talk about this movie when I’m in line at the grocery store. [Film Drunk]
Question Of The Day: Who’s Copping The Air Yeezy 2? - I don’t know what that means. [Smoking Section]
20 Supporting Actors From ’90s TV Shows Then And Now - A nice follow-up to my Waldo Geraldo Faldo joke in yesterday’s Best and Worst Of WWE Raw report. [Buzzfeed]
‘Zou Bisou Bisou’ & 15 Other Awkward TV Serenades - David Brent and Greg Brady absolutely do not count. Uncle Jesse absolutely does. [HuffPost Comedy]
Forget Kony 2012, getting Steve Holt in the Arrested Development movie is the most important cause of the year - Steve Holt! Not getting arrested for public masturbation! [Fark]
‘Downton Abbey’ Gets an American Spoof With ‘Downton Arby’s’ - Great, now I want jalapeno poppers, a roast beef sandwich the size of my face and a Mountain Dew the size of the rest of my body. [The FW]
The 10 Best Shows in the Fox Network’s 25 Year History - I’m sure ‘Woops!’ is number 11 and Pajiba just made a mistake. [Pajiba]
Top 10: Dunks On Kendrick Perkins (A History Of Abuse) - Poor guy, you think he’d learn to get his hands up after the 4th or 5th posterization. [Real Talk NY]
Rep Yo’ City: 40 Hip-Hop Hometown Anthems - It’s true, “Cleveland Is The City”. Bedford is just the suburbs, but they have an Auto Mile. [Smoking Section]
The Movie Middle Finger Mash-Up Is Fantastic - Needs more Captain Hammer. Also, people who do the “every finger up but bent in the middle, thumb out” thing are weird. Stop doing that. [Film Drunk]
Here’s Why Dax Shepard Is With Kristen Bell And You’re Not, Bros - This is seriously adorable, and if you didn’t like Kristen Bell before, oh man. [UPROXX]
Can We Just Stop ‘Popping The Question,’ Please? - Yeah, it’s getting harder and harder to propose to one’s girlfriend thanks to the Internet. What am I supposed to do, give her a ring for a Christmas present? That’s the lamest thing in history. [UPROXX]
The Arrested Development Movie Is Really Actually Absolutely Happening For Real - And maybe if this works out, we’ll find out what happened to Henry at the end of ‘Party Down’ after all. [Film Drunk]
6 Series From Dark Horse Comics You Should Be Buying (Aside From Hellboy) - If Usagi Yojimbo can have a comic for 30 years, someone should be able to hire me to write one for Mondo Gecko. Just saying. [Gamma Squad]
How Would You Like Your Back Clawed by These TV-Themed Fingernails? - I would not! [Warming Glow]
21 More Reasons Florida Is The Craziest State - This is what happens when you decide to live on America’s penis. The whole f**king thing is like Twin Peaks. [Buzzfeed]
QUIZ: Lana Del Rey Song Or Thing We Just Made Up? - Bizarre. I wish the backlash on this lady would literally drown her and drag her into the ocean. [HuffPost Comedy]
14 Reasons To Be Excited For The ‘Avengers’ Super Bowl Trailer - Reason 15: there are only 20 super hero movies coming out in 2012, and this is one of them. [Moviefone]
The Most Controversial Super Bowl Ads of All Time - Someone should remake ’1984′ and end it with TO SEE THE REST UNCENSORED, VISIT APPLE.COM. [The FW]
A University of Michigan Student Created a ‘Walk of Shame Shuttle Service’ - I have never once made a walk of shame. I’ve done some Super Happy Early Morning Dancing Down The Sidewalk, though. [Brobible]
The Reality Television Venn Diagram - Who knew there were so many shows about cajuns and hillbillies? [High Definite]