Bees Invade Coors Field, Tulowitzki Burned Alive Inside Giant Wooden Man

05.18.12 Written by Brandon

wicker-man-bees

Not the bees! AHHHHHHH Ahgarbulagabah my eyes! my eyes! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHhhhurgh!

Coors Field and the Colorado Rockies were overrun by a swarm of bees during Thursday afternoon’s game against the Arizona Diamondbacks, and because DenverPost.com used “Coors Field was buzzing” and “bee-lieve it” puns in the first two sentences of their report, I’ll let them handle the recap:

In the fifth inning, a swarm of bees staked claim to a post in a camera well near the Rockies’ dugout. The sudden invasion by the winged creatures sent Rockies players scurrying to the opposite end of the dugout.

The game was halted briefly when Diamondbacks first-base coach Eric Young Sr. was forced away from his position, and photographers and TV cameramen fled the bees. The players never left the diamond.

Here’s the video, if you’re into plague footage:

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Diamondbacks Fan Catches Foul Ball, Maintains Pizza Integrity

04.18.12 Written by Brandon

He asked Domino’s if he could keep the ball, but they said “no”. The best part is either the terrified lady to his left who can’t enjoy what’s happened even after it’s done, or the slow reveal of the guy behind him with his fingers in his ears. (via Yardbarker)

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The Giants Got Their Stars Wars Nerd On

09.06.11 Written by Burnsy

The Arizona Diamondbacks padded their now 7-game lead in the National League West over the weekend by taking 2 of 3 from the defending world champion San Francisco Giants. But all was not gloom and doom for Giants fans on Sunday, as the team hosted Star Wars Day, complete with a Brian Wilson carbonite figurine giveaway. Sadly, they opted to not run with the Pablo Sandoval the Hut action figures.

The game’s umpires were escorted onto the field by storm troopers, while fans pointed and yelled, “Haha, they’re the reason our season has been a huge letdown!” And sure, Arizona is 9-1 over the last 10 with a 3-game winning streak while the Giants sputter, but if all else fails, San Fran can just call up George Lucas and ask him to rewrite the game.

Some of the game’s costume highlights after the jump.

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Enough Already, Charlie Sheen

08.15.11 Written by Burnsy

The Arizona Diamondbacks let Charlie Sheen take batting practice prior to yesterday’s 5-3 win over the New York Mets, and while it’s bad enough that people continue to pay attention to his depressing antics, the reason that he was there is even worse – he’s trying to get into shape for Major League 4. And this isn’t one of those “I’m getting a show on HBO” rumors that he likes to make up. This is for real.

I had heard this rumor earlier in the year – that Sheen, Corbin Bernsen and even Wesley “I was too good for Major League 2 but Lord knows I need the money now” Snipes were on board for another installment, and even the first film’s writer and director, David S. Ward, was down. Apparently the plot will involve the Cleveland Indians signing a washed up, burn out Rick Vaughn to mentor a wild rookie, who may or may not be Wild Thing’s son. The only potential in this idea is to show Willie Mays Hayes as a universally-loathed HGH addict in denial. Other than that, no. Just no.

Even the gods have stepped in and showed their disapproval, as Sheen ruptured the ulnar nerve in his elbow during batting practice. And if that isn’t bad enough, even Juggalos hate Sheen. Seriously. Juggalos.

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Diamondbacks Kids Now More Important To Baseball History Than Pete Rose

08.04.11 Written by Brandon

Diamondbacks kid on Jimmy Kimmell

Remember the young “Good Samaritan” Arizona Diamondbacks fan who selflessly gave a ball to a crying little boy who’d dropped it? Well, that kid has taken the next step toward officially becoming Quiz Kid Donnie Smith by appearing on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” alongside the whimpering little reprobate to continue receiving prizes and accolades for a common act of human decency that just so happened to be caught on camera. The boys (who sound like Harry Potter characters: Ian McMillan and Nicholas Goodfellow) got some We Say The Darnedest Things laughs from the studio audience and were given not only season tickets to the remaining Diamondbacks games, but Jimmy Kimmel “baseball hall of fame” plaques denoting them as “Kid Who Gave A Ball To Another Kid” and “Kid Who Was Given A Ball By Another Kid”.

Check out the video below, with a tip of the autographed bat to Big League Stew.

I’ve got to ask, if the Good Samaritan kid is the one who made the grand gesture, why does the crying kid keep getting applauded, too? Good Samaritan gets an autographed bat, crying kid gets a bat. Good Samaritan kid gets to be on TV and get gifts because he did something cool, so the crying kid gets to come along and get lumped in. People (including Kimmel) tell Ian how happy they are that good things are happening to him, but barely-conscious crybaby Nicholas is getting all those good things, PLUS he’s got a Rickie Weeks ball from that Diamondbacks game. Just watch them, Ian is smiling, Nicholas doesn’t give a sh**. Doesn’t seem fair.

I guess Ian’s big reward when all this is said and done is not having his 15 minutes of fame be “I was a little bitch once and got presents”.

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Follow-Up: Selfless Baseball Kid Got A Bunch Of Cool Presents

07.25.11 Written by Burnsy

When we last talked on Friday, we were discussing the intricacies of foul ball etiquette, juxtaposed with infant mentality in adult sports fans and subsequent child entitlement. Or we were talking about dicks who steal foul balls from kids, but that first one sounds fancier. Either way, it all started with the story of 12-year old Arizona Diamondbacks fan Ian McMillan, who was praised for his selflessness and generosity after he gave a ball tossed into the stands by Rickie Weeks to a kid who cried his eyes out after he dropped it.

As we discussed, McMillan appeared to have been urged by a stadium attendant to give the ball to the other kid, but it’s old news now, because the D-Backs don’t care. They think McMillan is pretty cool, and they rightfully rewarded the hell out of him. Before Friday night’s game against the Colorado Rockies, McMillan was presented his very own team jersey by manager Kirk Gibson in a special press conference. Then he even got to throw out the first pitch. Meanwhile, that other kid probably cried.

McMillan’s thoughts and awesomeness after the jump.

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