Orchestrating another offensive explosion onto his opponents’ face, neck, and trendy eyewear? On national television, no less? That’s just another day at the dojo for Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts. After throwing for 279 yards and four touchdowns on the Cardinals’ home field, Pey-pey had sufficiently buried Arizona in Week Three’s Sunday Night game, 31-10.
The Colts only converted on 3 of 11 third down attempts, but it was Manning’s quick-strike ability that allowed the Colts to score from anywhere on the field, including a 53-yard touchdown toss to Pierre Garçon, who’s probably still available in your fantasy league. If Manning had been in Vietnam, not only would we have won, but Dallas Clark would probably have become the white Hồ Chí Minh. Hey, somebody has to oppress those people…
“We were kind of figuring things out as we went along,” he said. “Once we got into a comfort zone, we really executed from there.”
He threw 20 yards to Reggie Wayne(notes) for the first score, 10 yards to Dallas Clark(notes) for the second and a nifty 53 yards to Pierre Garcon(notes) as Indianapolis took a 21-3 halftime lead. Manning added a 3-yard TD toss to Joseph Addai(notes) in the third quarter to make it 28-10. via.
It was the 50th 300-yard passing game in Manning’s career, and I have to think that Peyton might be able to make a living at this “football” thing. Certainly, those 50 or so endorsement deals of his couldn’t hurt, either. Even though he probably has to fill out like 90 W-2s every year. Makes sense that the only one that could keep Manning in check is his accountant. Those greedy little bastards have their hands on everything.
Here’s the guy that would have won Super Bowl XLIII for the Arizona Cardinals if they just woulda thrown him the damn ball a little sooner. Of course, the waitstaff has no problem just throwing a plate full of pancakes, coffee, and whatever that little white thing is. Oh, I guess that’s a mug for the coffee. I forgot that they have that little bar of different syrups on the tables. But seriously, does anybody even eat breakfast anymore? I spend most of my mornings making sure my girlfriend gets to junior high school on time. via.
Here’s Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner appearing with Brenda Song in a promotional photo from this week’s Entertainment Weekly for The Suite Life which is either some series on the Disney Channel or a reality show about a Taiwanese brother on the Discovery Channel. Hey, it was either that or have shark week ten times a year, and honestly it kinda loses its luster after, uh, the first day. But that’s just our nature, I suppose. We love things that are capable of imposing such inhumane levels of death in the water. That’s probably why everyone loved Ted Kennedy…
The ESPYs were last night, and the event holds little value to me since it’s ESPN and there’s still no award for “Transgender Athlete Of The Year,” the award for which should be a 3-night stay at Eddie Murphy’s house. Get it? Because…that one time…ah, forget it.
Anyhoo, we need to have a little conversation about Matt Leinart, who’s already been his own boy band for some time. It’s an image he’s been trying to fight, literally, for a while now, and then he goes and does this. And I get that the ESPYs is not exactly black-tie, but you’re telling me that you couldn’t do any better than some baby blue sweater that your mom bought for you? You look like a third grader on picture day. Buy a jacket. Put it on. Buy pants that fit. I know life is hard for a pro quarterback in July, but you can do it. This is a lot easier than pretending to be a leader in an NFL locker room.
Here are more images of peeps at the ESPYs. I think the woman in the black dress looks pretty good. Really, how hard is it to get dressed up for one of these things? They rolled out a red carpet for you people. A RED CARPET! No one mockingly throws on any old thing in the face of such prestigious floor covering! Although I should talk: I don’t even wear pants to work. But, to be fair, my carpet is more like a light beige number. I like beige. I like to roll around on it in my underwear after I get irritated for people’s poor wardrobe choices. UPDATE: I’ve been told this pic is from last year’s ESPYs, but it’s hard to confirm because 1) the image is undated and 2) I don’t really care. via via
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God’s Quarterback (sorry, Kitna) just co-wrote a new book with his wife called First Things First: The Rules of Being a Warner, and it sounds like Rule No. 1 is the same as it is in every family: Father Gets Hosed. From NBC New York (via Tunison):
As the book unfolds, it becomes clear the the QB struggles at home: Warner had to offer one of his sons a quarter for every completed pass so that he’d agree to a game of catch in the backyard. He can’t even get them to agree to come to watch him play in the Super Bowl. Two skipped the game in February, and there was a good bit of tooth pulling involved to get the other five to show up for the game. What’s watching your dad play in a Super Bowl next to a Nintendo DS?
What a great family.
“Hey Dad, how was work?”
“We won the Super Bowl on a last-second play against Tennessee! It’s the greatest day I ever could have hoped for!”
“That’s nice. Can I have the car this weekend?”
Kids these days.
The Arizona Cardinals’ Matt Leinart is really raising the bar for clipboard-holding conditioning by taking up mixed martial arts training, a suggestion handed over from FOX Sports NFL writer/aspiring Subway sandwich artist Jay Glazer, a gentleman who just oozes physical fitness. From the Cardinals’ team page, via KSK:
“I really had no idea what I was getting myself into,” Leinart said with a smile. “But in a good way.”
After the first day, Glazer – who lives in the Valley and trains with the Cardinals at Arizona Combat Sports in Tempe — said he thought Leinart had “no shot” to return for more. When Leinart did come back, Glazer made it even more difficult.
“He was hurting,” Glazer said. “I tried to get him to puke. I tried to get him to quit. But he is not the guy I thought he was. He is a tough dude.”
To reiterate: HE IS NOT WHO WE THOUGHT HE WAS. Sure, Leinart might have MMA training on his side, but Kurt Warner still has Jesus. There’s a reason fighters thank The Lord after they win every fight, and it isn’t because he helps you sculpt your abs.
