Arianny Celeste Will Take Off Her Clothes If You Know About Harry Potter

Written by Brandon Stroud / 01.31.13

Arianny Celeste Harry Potter

Okay, so this is the latest edition of ‘FilmStrip,’ a YouTube show where you have to answer trivia questions about whatever to get UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste to take off her clothes. It’s great and all, and you can watch the video after the jump, but I’ve got a couple of problems with it.

1. Arianny Celeste’s job is to be in a bikini. That’s what she does for a living. It’s actually kind of unique to see her wearing clothes at all. Why am I answering questions for the prize of seeing her look like she always looks? If I’m a Harry Potter fan, shouldn’t I be more excited to see her in a sexy Harry Potter Halloween costume than in a bikini?

2. Arianny Celeste has been in Playboy, nipple freckle and all, and it is maybe the easiest thing in the world to type “arianny celeste playboy” into Google and see like 45 pictures from it. That’s not to discount the joy of seeing her in a Maxim-style photoshoot or whatever (like this one, where she posed with soccer balls), but man, I don’t want to have to WORK for it.

3. Arianny Celeste reading Harry Potter facts from a cue card is sub-Olivia Munn levels of nerd pandering. It’s like when AOL FanHouse brought in fantasy football girls, and they were like AND NOW HERE IS STORY BOUT OAKLAND RADDERS and the world just went enghhhh.

Anyway, yes, I am stupid for worrying about any of that. Here is Arianny Celeste asking you how much you know about Harry Potter.

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Happy Halloween! Here’s Arianny Celeste Being Barely Halloween

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.31.12

You know this is an Arianny Celeste Halloween video because she put on black lipstick and stood in front of some ghosts. Eh, I’m not complaining. Happy Halloween, everybody. (via AriannyCeleste)

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Links

Arianny Celeste Halloween video shootA Comprehensive Guide To Halloween Costumes From This Year’s TV Shows |Warming Glow|

35 Pop Culture Pumpkins For The Coolest Porches Around |UPROXX|

Keanu Reeves is awesome, may only own one outfit |Film Drunk|

Bro Wanders On To High School Football Field, Begs To Be Pummeled, Promptly Is |With Leather|

The Best Of The Venture Brothers |Gamma Squad|

Idris Elba To Possibly Star As The Next James Bond |Smoking Section|

Jay Cutler To Grow Whiskers, Because He Is A Cat |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Arianny Celeste Has A Hard Sci-Fi Music Video

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.18.12

Arianny Celeste Top Of The World Music Video

manufactured_superstars_arianny_celesteUFC ring girl and professional soccer ball sitter-nearer Arianny Celeste announced via Twitter on Wednesday that the music video for her song ‘Top Of The World’ had arrived, and if you’re worried that Paris Hilton-ish club banger from a lady who walks around in her underwear for a living might be a rushed, Rebecca Black affair, don’t be — this baby has all the lens flares, costume changes and ill-defined sci-fi plots of a summer blockbuster.

Here’s the story of the ‘Top Of The World’ video, as I understand it. A pair of U.S. astronauts (?) orbiting the Earth need a human male for some reason, so they use their People Making Machine to make a female Terminator (Celeste, doing full-on Terminator style time travel kneels) and send her down to the planet’s surface to make out with a guy in a swimming pool, go dancing and get married. Once that’s done, they can beam him up to their ship, where they strap him to a table and leave him alone. So many questions. If they had a People Making Machine, why didn’t they just make a guy instead of an octagon girl? Why did they need to get married? Does that contractually obligate him to space travel and dissection? If all they needed to do was hug, couldn’t they have beamed him up when they were macking in the pool? OH NO, MY PRECIOUS BRAIN!

Anyway, check out the video for yourself and see if you can figure it out. Or, you know, stare at all the cleavage and butt shots. Your decision.

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This Arianny Celeste Soccer Shoot Doesn’t Make Sense, But Who Cares

Written by Brandon Stroud / 08.29.12


arianny_celeste_soccer_

It hasn’t been the best year for iconic octagon ring-girl Arianny Celeste, what with all the arrests for domestic abuse, but the charges against her were dropped and she can spend the rest of 2012 focusing on what she does best: looking absolutely gorgeous in situations that make little-to-no sense.

Take this shoot for Maxim Korea for example. In it, a woman with a legit sports tie to UFC is seen posing with a soccer ball. Why? Is “Arianny Celeste soccer” a big Google search term? Who knows? It makes about as much sense as having a lady walk around with a big number held over her head instead of just telling people what round it is. Regardless, the shoot is amazing, especially when she drops the soccer ball and just starts Instagramming herself behind the scenes.

Or, you know, don’t take this for an example and just look at the pictures. Either way works.

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Here Is A Brief Collection Of Sports People Hanging Out With Adorable Koala Bears

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.23.12

Between the arrest of former University of Nebraska womens basketball player Charlie Rogers and the sexual misconduct accusations at the Paralympics, I think we could all use some happy news right now. Plus, I have my first fantasy football draft tonight so my attention is beginning its descent into Don’t Give A Crapsville’s private airport. Fortunately, in my morning web browsing, I came across the perfect site for all of us.

“F*ck Yeah Celebs Holding Koalas” doesn’t need much of a background, as it’s basically a Tumblr site dedicated to famous people holding my favorite animal (aside from my dog, natch) – the koala bear. Mostly, the site features members of bands that teenage girls love, but I checked and Simple Plan unfortunately never recorded a rad pop punk song about hanging with a koala before missing you, girl.

In between Family Force 5 and the dude from Tokio Hotel who has probably confused a ton of teenage boys, though, are some of our favorite pro wrestlers, a tennis star, and women we enjoy looking at. But mostly, koalas.

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UFC Fans, Here’s Your Chance To Pay $40 For Smelly Street Garbage

Written by Brandon Stroud / 06.04.12

Jon Jones DWI wood shard available on eBay

jon-jones-dwi-wood-shard-ebayIf you’ve been looking for the worst possible way to celebrate the warrior spirit of your favorite MMA fighter, look no further: eBay user “strong67″ is auctioning off a wooden shard from the telephone pole UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon ‘Bones’ Jones got drunk and drove his Bentley into last month.

From the auction, currently topping out at $36:

Well, I’ve heard people sell & buy crazy things, so I’m going to test that theory now… This is a piece of telephone pole wood that was knocked off when Jon Jones crashed into it w/ his Bentley on the corner of Grand Blvd & Helen St. in Binghamton on May 19th,2012… It measures about 14 inches long & actually has a “crashed smell odor” to it… It is about an inch wide in the middle & then narrows out at the ends… One pic shows the wood piece & the other pic shows the actual pole which is cracked near the bottom & now supported by wood beams… This is a good conversation piece & definitely WAY more interesting than his last fight… Maybe you can get him to sign it someday, but you may need to use it as protection if he throws a flying elbow your way rather than an autograph :o)

If his least favorite thing about fighting is being asked to sign replica belts, I’m sure “would you please sign this garbage I bought on the Internet from that time you almost killed yourself and others” will go over well. Especially if you mention how the debris you paid 10 extra bucks to have safely mailed to you still sorta smells like his f**ked-up car.

If you bid on this and win it, let us know what you do with it. If I won it, I’d fly to Binghamton and glue it back into the telephone pole. I’m not going to bid on it, though, I’m saving my money for strong67′s “authentic bone shard from Arianny Celeste’s boyfriend’s nose” auction.

[h/t to Maggie Hendricks @ Cagewriter]

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