In a scene straight out of a wacky kids sports comedy, Montreal Canadiens goalie Carey Price took a warm-up shot to the junk and crumpled to the ice. I eagerly await the George C. Scott remake. (via OTBS)

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A tale as old as time, and a great reason to love soccer: one guy says something racist, so the other guy lifts him off the ground with a boot to the nuts.

By way of It’s Always Sunny In Detroit:

Didier Zokora claimed that Emre Belozoglu used a racial slur when the two players’ Turkish clubs met in April. Belozoglu was suspended for two games for the incident.

Zokora got his revenge Sunday when he came together with Belozoglu.

Remind me to never go to Turkey and be a racist. That looked less like a kick to the junk and more like a guy getting gored during the Running Of The Bulls. Motherf**ker kicked a field goal. Didier only got a yellow card for his actions, but watching Belozoglu roll around on the ground in agony after being flung across the stadium by his scrotum was worth any punishment.

Let that be a lesson to everyone:

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By way of That NBA Lottery Pick comes this video of Luis Scola hitting Kevin Love in the groin with a basketball, and I think my favorite part is when Kevin Love gets hit in the groin with a basketball.

The YouTube video description provides context:

Luis Scola hits Kevin Love in the groin

Okay, maybe not.

The second best part of the video (besides the guy getting hit in the groin with a basketball) has to be the coining of the phrase “love stomach” to describe testicles. It’s pretty accurate. Plus, Kevin Love got absolutely crushed in the Love Stomach.

This video, courtesy of The700Level by way of Sportress of Blogitude, features future NHL Hall of Famer Jaromir Jagr sitting on the Philadelphia bench, executing A Brother’s Justice on his junk. It’s not clear exactly what he’s doing*, but Scott Hartnell is drinking Gatorade like Camille Crimson to his immediate left, so who knows, maybe that’s how he blows off steam. The whole thing seems a little NSFW.

And yeah, as funny as the idea of Jagr skating to the bench to furiously rub one out is, his jock scratching technique mostly just reminds me Conan O’Brien’s Masturbating Bear. Compare/contrast:

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“Hello, YouTube.”

In our continuing effort to share with you the brightest and most athletic moments of the NFL week, here’s a clip of Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelce accidentally slam dunking a football into his taint because he forgot where Michael Vick was standing. It’s like watching a chicken birth an egg in high-speed reverse. He just crams it in there and starts running off like a frat pledge with a pickle up his ass.

Vick recovered the ball (possibly because nobody else wanting to touch it), and to his credit it was his heads-up reaction to the mis-snap that helped maintain possession of the ball and keep Philadelphia’s eventual 34-7 victory looking like a blowout.

Also blown out: Jason Kelce’s o-ring.

[h/t Shutdown Corner]

The YouTube description for this video says it all in a wonderful, Hans Moleman sort of way:

Man getting kicked in the balls after committing a foul and taunting other players.

I guess the only thing you can add after that is “excuse me, Man? If you’re going to commit a foul and taunt other players, don’t stand over them with your legs like that”. I don’t know a lot about lacrosse and even less about Hurling, which this apparently is, so I’m not sure where the fouling starts. A guy gets dragged to the ground, so a player from the other team hits him with a stick. Is it legal in Hurling to hit the other team with youre stick when they’re on the ground? Anyway, that guy gets checked from behind, then retaliates by kicking a guy in the balls. Funny, or video evidence of the least sportsmanlike player of all time? You make the call.

[h/t Bob's Blitz]