The season’s NOT GONNA START, and YOU’RE. TO. BLAME.

The Arena Football League will not play a season in 2009, but the league isn’t folding.  Oh no, canceling an entire season is going to correct all the problems the league has.  Play will resume in 2010, when the 16-team league has “improved its economic model.”  Or in layman’s terms, “stopped sucking.”

“It’s a historic day for the league,” [Cleveland Gladiators owner] James Ferraro told the paper. “This league will be much, much stronger, and it will be here for a long time because of what happened.

“This is the farthest thing from the league folding,” he added. “This is, in my opinion, just showing us the league will not fold.”

If by “farthest thing from the league folding” he means “first step in the league folding,” then yes, I agree.

The Pittsburg State Gorillas won a national title in cheerleading in 2001, which would be a lot cooler if they actually had cheerleading gorillas. They had one who was close, though. One of the team's members, Aaron McConnell, was an offensive lineman for the school's football team. This article went as far as to call him a two-sport athlete. Now he's making the jump, hopefully with spotters, to the world of professional football. Okay, it's arena football, which is barely football at all. And that's okay, because cheerleading is barely a sport.

Being a national champion is something he is very proud of to this day. However, he does get a lot of ribbing from his fellow [Colorado] Crush teammates.

Despite all of the razzing he gets, he is proud that he knocked down a stereo-typical door that not many football players are brave enough to walk through.

First off, Ufford will mow down everybody in that newsroom for the needless hyphen inserted in "stereotypical". And, of course, "ribbing" is a journalistic euphemism for "sodomy". And "razzing" is when he gives it to them. You gotta know how to decode this stuff.

Yup, it's been a fun week for vehicular assault and cheerleaders. Now if only we could combine the two.

/ignition sound