Hey, have you ever wanted to shoot chainsaws with a bazooka slingshot?

Finally. At last. The Holy Grail of Launcher Ammunition is a reality!

The Slingshot Channel, back to “normal mode”, uses the slingshot Bazooka first presented in the Witch Hunter Trilogy (http://slingshotchannel.blogspot.de/2013/01/the-witch-hunter-trilogy.html) to fire the undisputed King of Projectiles – a vertiable Chain Saw.

See how the huge shoulder mounted rubber bazooka fires the heavy Black and Decker tool into the air, and then against a thick archery mat.

Highlights of the chainsaw slingshot include a cheek guard (to keep the rubber band from RIPPING OFF YOUR EAR), a bayonet on a stick (it’s very lethal, he thinks) and a bald guy with a threatening accent wearing a shirt about BITCHES.

See if you can find the proper tone in this video, because I can’t. One minute he’s shilling for comments using a Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters poster, the next he’s sending javelins through archery boards and cackling like a super villain at his “brutal hit.” Hell, I can’t even figure out whether or not this is Robin Williams in a bald cap, just f**king with us.

Read the rest of this entry »

"Siri, remind me to watch the MAHGFAQQINN LYMPICS."

One of the strangest and most precious gems from this weekend was discovering that Pulp Fiction slash The Avengers slash Star Wars slash everything else star Samuel L. Jackson loves the 2012 Summer Olympics and can’t stop tweeting about them.

It’s important to stress that this is not a parody, and that these are real tweets from @SamuelLJackson. They cover everything from handball to sync diving to Malaysian badminton, all with Jackson’s contractually obligated tendency to shoehorn curse words into anything he’s saying. The guy works in “f**k” like Jackson Pollock worked in drip. He spells it however he wants, puts it wherever he wants whether it makes sense or not and sometimes ends up with a mangle of consonants because he’s SAMUEL L. MARGHFAGGUIN JACKSON.

Normally I’d want to provide some kind of commentary or context for these, but that’d be like touching a baby bird. Two major warnings before you proceed:

1. These tweets may contain harsh language, and reader discretion is advised.

2. These tweets may contain language you did not know existed.

Please enjoy 20 of the best Sam Jackson tweets from this weekend, and join us every day between now and the end of the Olympics for 20 more.

Read the rest of this entry »

One of the early stories of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London has been North Korea’s refusal to participate until England stops calling them South Koreans. After today’s archery ranking round, maybe being South Korean won’t sound as bad.

Simultaneously bringing to life the dreams of The Hunger Games, The Avengers and Brave fanboys and girls across the Internet, South Korea’s Im Dong-hyun broke his own 72-arrow world record with a score of 699. His team followed his lead, breaking the team world record, scoring a combined 2,087. South Korea won the gold at the 2004 and 2008 games, and if this (and that scene in Best Of The Best where South Korean national teams train by shirtlessly chopping trees in the snow) is any indication, 2012 will be more of the same.

The best part? Im Dong-hyun can’t even see what he’s shooting at.

The Korean, who suffers from strong myopia and just aims at a “blob of yellow color” in the center of the target 70 meters away, was happy to be at the top of the ranking round but was not about to get carried away.

“It’s just the first round so I won’t get too excited about it,” he said.

Im’s team mate Kim [Bub-min] would also have broke the record after shooting 698, while the third member of the team Oh finished with 690.

Who gets to face off with the new World Record holder in round one? Why, Emanuele Guidi of San Marino, of course, ranked 64th in the world. Good luck with that, San Man.

[via Reuters, h/t to Yahoo Sports]

via funnyandspicy.com

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Justin Bieber Is Obsessed With The 1996 Mark Wahlberg Film Fear - As we all SHOULD be. I hope if he remakes it he carries over Marky Mark’s accent. His pronunciation of “Mister Walker” as “missaWAHkah” is the best part. OH NO MISSAWAHKAH I WOULD NEVAH DO DAT TO YA DAUGHTAH. [Film Drunk]

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Bon Jovi + Bon Iver = Bon Joviver - Try this: do an impression of what you think a 6-year old falsetto in a church choir sounds like. There you go, you just sang Bon Iver’s last 15 songs. [UPROXX]

This is Australian archer Erika Anear, and she’s the best thing to happen to archery since Rambo putting those explosive tips on his arrows in First Blood Part II. Read the rest of this entry »

An eleven-year-old Chinese boy named Liu Cheong is somehow alive after a classmate shot an arrow THROUGH HIS EYE SOCKET during archery practice at school. From Sky News (via Sports Rubbish):

“If the arrow had been shot with just a bit more force, it would have come out the back of his head,” said medics at Jida Hospital in Changchun, eastern China.

Surgeons chipped away at parts of the boy’s skull for more than four hours to remove the arrow, which had sunk more than four inches into his head.

They even had to cut away part of the shaft just to get the boy in the CT scanner.

Cut away part of the shaft just to get him into the CT scanner?  Happens to me all the time.  Damn this regenerating 18-inch cock.  It’s like a starfish arm with a taste for boobs.