See how the huge shoulder mounted rubber bazooka fires the heavy Black and Decker tool into the air, and then against a thick archery mat.
Highlights of the chainsaw slingshot include a cheek guard (to keep the rubber band from RIPPING OFF YOUR EAR), a bayonet on a stick (it’s very lethal, he thinks) and a bald guy with a threatening accent wearing a shirt about BITCHES.
See if you can find the proper tone in this video, because I can’t. One minute he’s shilling for comments using a Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters poster, the next he’s sending javelins through archery boards and cackling like a super villain at his “brutal hit.” Hell, I can’t even figure out whether or not this is Robin Williams in a bald cap, just f**king with us.
"Siri, remind me to watch the MAHGFAQQINN LYMPICS."
One of the strangest and most precious gems from this weekend was discovering that Pulp Fiction slash The Avengers slash Star Wars slash everything else star Samuel L. Jackson loves the 2012 Summer Olympics and can’t stop tweeting about them.
It’s important to stress that this is not a parody, and that these are real tweets from @SamuelLJackson. They cover everything from handball to sync diving to Malaysian badminton, all with Jackson’s contractually obligated tendency to shoehorn curse words into anything he’s saying. The guy works in “f**k” like Jackson Pollock worked in drip. He spells it however he wants, puts it wherever he wants whether it makes sense or not and sometimes ends up with a mangle of consonants because he’s SAMUEL L. MARGHFAGGUIN JACKSON.
Normally I’d want to provide some kind of commentary or context for these, but that’d be like touching a baby bird. Two major warnings before you proceed:
1. These tweets may contain harsh language, and reader discretion is advised.
2. These tweets may contain language you did not know existed.
Please enjoy 20 of the best Sam Jackson tweets from this weekend, and join us every day between now and the end of the Olympics for 20 more.
Simultaneously bringing to life the dreams of The Hunger Games, The Avengers and Brave fanboys and girls across the Internet, South Korea’s Im Dong-hyun broke his own 72-arrow world record with a score of 699. His team followed his lead, breaking the team world record, scoring a combined 2,087. South Korea won the gold at the 2004 and 2008 games, and if this (and that scene in Best Of The Best where South Korean national teams train by shirtlessly chopping trees in the snow) is any indication, 2012 will be more of the same.
The best part? Im Dong-hyun can’t even see what he’s shooting at.
The Korean, who suffers from strong myopia and just aims at a “blob of yellow color” in the center of the target 70 meters away, was happy to be at the top of the ranking round but was not about to get carried away.
“It’s just the first round so I won’t get too excited about it,” he said.
Im’s team mate Kim [Bub-min] would also have broke the record after shooting 698, while the third member of the team Oh finished with 690.
Who gets to face off with the new World Record holder in round one? Why, Emanuele Guidi of San Marino, of course, ranked 64th in the world. Good luck with that, San Man.
49ers Fans Voted No. 1 In Refusing To Leave A Playoff Game After Being Pepper Sprayed - I don’t care how much football is happening, if I get sprayed with pepper spray I’m either slitting throats or being driven the hell home sobbing. No inbetween. [Bay Bridge Banter]
Your NFL Recap: 10 Things Learned From Championship Sunday - Thing 11: Don’t be Joe Flacco. Thing 12: If Joe Flacco says you should be talking more about Joe Flacco, ignore him and write some more about Tom Brady. Tom Brady is the baddest man on the planet. [Smoking Section]
Caring Is Easy. Apathy Is Work. - Putting this Joe Paterno business into context the only way I understand. Probably the only thing written about this online that made me go “sh*t, he’s totally right”. [@KillPrint]
Puppy Bowl VIII Is Coming: Resistance Is Futile. Prepare For Your Doom - …and only With Leather will have exclusive interviews with the stars. Just kidding, I’m going to put up puppy pictures and have the responses just say arf arf arf. [Pajiba]
TV Gifs Of The Week - I think Lizzy Caplan and Alison Brie is my ultimate fantasy threesome. Wait, no, I take that back, it’s still Gina Carano and Rachel Maddow. Shut up, I have awesome taste. And gender issues. But awesome taste. [Warming Glow]
NBA Dance Party - Just one picture, but one you’ll never forget. I could probably write a novel about it. [Buzzfeed]
Final Fantasy XIII-2 Demo: Finally, Skyrim Meets Pokémon - If modern Finals Fantasy was 10% as fun as either of those games I wouldn’t have abandoned it when Yuna became a pop singing tomb raiding ninja. TELL GOOD STORIES, SQUARE. [Gamma Squad]
Justin Bieber Is Obsessed With The 1996 Mark Wahlberg Film Fear - As we all SHOULD be. I hope if he remakes it he carries over Marky Mark’s accent. His pronunciation of “Mister Walker” as “missaWAHkah” is the best part. OH NO MISSAWAHKAH I WOULD NEVAH DO DAT TO YA DAUGHTAH. [Film Drunk]
The Best Of ‘Parks And Recreation’s’ #Jerry Gergich - Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What’d you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife? [UPROXX]
Bon Jovi + Bon Iver = Bon Joviver - Try this: do an impression of what you think a 6-year old falsetto in a church choir sounds like. There you go, you just sang Bon Iver’s last 15 songs. [UPROXX]