Lana. LANA!

Sports On TV is in the Danger Zone.

Our look at the best sports moments from shows that aren’t necessarily about sports takes on FX’s ‘Archer’ this week, and if there’s a show the kids at UPROXX love more than ‘Archer,’ I’d like to see it. Inside, you’ll find one of the most clever, obscure, expertly-written shows on television. You’ll also find lacrosse jokes about rock bands from the 1990s, a guy trying to play baseball in space, Ultimate Bum Shock Fights (which are exactly what they sound like), Siamese fighting fish, and more.

So please click through and-or enjoy Sports On TV: ‘Archer’s’ 15 greatest sports moments.

Read the rest of this entry »

That song makes everything funnier.

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Links

UPROXX Live Q&A With ‘Archer’s’ Amber Nash And Lucky Yates, AKA The Voices Of Pam Poovey And Doctor Krieger - “Is Lucky your real name, or do people call you that because of the time you slipped in pee-pee and got a structured cash settlement?” [UPROXX]

Here’s The Mitt Romney/Eminem Mashup You’ve All Been Waiting For - On the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down. [UPROXX]

5 Artists You Missed At SXSW While Waiting In Line To See Rick Ross - Rick Ross should’ve performed all four seconds of his verse from ‘Monster’, threw up his hands, yelled “THANK YOU AUSTIN” and disappeared. [Smoking Section]

Michael Bay And Michaelangelo Respond To The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Kerfuffle - “Relax, friends, I’m working with a guy in a TMNT shit from Hot Topic and he and I think aliens are awesome, so shut up. The first draft of our script is just the words ‘green explosion’ written on 150 sheets of paper.” [Gamma Squad]

Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch would like to report a Ninja Turtle sodomy - Meanwhile, ’3J’ from ‘Family Matters’ would like to report that he is extremely hungry. [Film Drunk]

5 Bleak British Television Series That Will Kick In Your Pretty American Teeth - ‘Fawlty Towers’ should be on here, that sh*t was bleak. Poor Basil Fawlty can’t get one second of peace in his entire life. [Warming Glow]

The Cast Of “American Pie”: Then & Now - This is just an excuse to juxtapose Tara Reid photos, isn’t it? Also, Shannon Elizabeth needs to start aging somewhere other than the neck. [Buzzfeed]

Kimmel Unveils Rick Santorum-Approved Pornography - Not looking forward to this guy being President and me having to masturbate with a handful of gravel. [HuffPost Comedy]

Modern-Day Icarus - Not interested in seeing this guy’s contraption again unless he’s plummeting down a cliffside during a mission in Red Dead Redemption. [High Definite]

10 Skateboarding Sneakers For People Who Can’t Stand Skateboarders - My awesome David Otunga-style argyle Vans better be on here somewhere. [Brobible]

16 Celebrities With Mustache Eyebrows - The Internet, ladies and gentlemen. [The FW]

Or, “Justin Timberwolf”. No matter what we do we feel the pain, whether we’re watching them or not. (via Sportress)

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Links

UPROXX ‘Archer’ Open Thread: ‘Bloody Ferlin’ With Associate Art Director Chad Hurd - When I’m done catching up with ‘Breaking Bad’, I swear I’m spending a week watching nothing but Archer on Netflix Instant. [UPROXX]

Open Thread — Who Is the Better Character: Walter White or Raylan Givens? - And then, uh, I’m gonna start watching ‘Justified’. Man, I’m terrible at watching television while it’s actually on. [Warming Glow]

2012 Oscars Best Picture Bracket: Round 3 - I liked The Artist, but I’m hoping Midnight In Paris can pull off an upset here. It’s a Woody Allen movie MY MOM enjoyed! [Film Drunk]

Unlaced: adidas Designer Robbie Fuller Talks The adiZero Rose 2.5 - My shoes are also unlaced, and I’m going to talk about argyle Vans. Yes, because of David Otunga, shut up. [Smoking Section]

What If Male Superheroes’ Costumes Were Designed Like Female Superheroes’ Costumes? - They couldn’t be! Where would poor Rob Liefeld draw his pockets? [Gamma Squad]

Steve Carell In Now On Twitter - I can’t wait to see him and Ricky Gervais make awkward jokes about each other all the time. #notgoodafterseason2 [Buzzfeed]

David Wain’s Reddit AMA: 15 Best Answers From ‘Wanderlust’ Director’s Q&A (PICTURES) - If my girlfriend ever ends up contributing to UPROXX, it’ll be nothing but interviews with Stella. [HuffPost Comedy]

What To Expect When You’re Expecting An Apocalypse - Hopefully there’s some sort of movie or comedy or book or comic that could help me out here! At this point I think it might be better to assume everything’ll be all right. [Adult Swim]

The first extended look at Pixar’s “Brave”. June cannot get here soon enough - I don’t care how good it ends up being, I’m calling it How To Train Your Daughter In 3-D until at least June. [FARK]

New Dad Jay-Z Is Deeply Disappointed In RihRih For Reuniting With Breezy - I think our first goal should be to stop calling the deluded, violent sociopath “breezy”. [Bossip]

Does ‘World of Warcraft’ Make Elderly People Smarter? - I don’t know, but I’m interested in seeing how smart ‘Excitebike’ makes them, especially after I’ve beaten their asses at Excitebike. [The FW]

Whip Out Your Wands, J.K. Rowling To Write Something For The “Adult” Crowd - If she writes something more complex than “Harry said, then Ron Said, then Harry Said”, hell, I’ll buy it. [Pajiba]

Let’s find out what the Lakers are looking foar to! (h/t to That NBA Lottery Pick)

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Links

First Look: NBA All-Star 2012 Jerseys - People are complaining that these are too plain, but I like them. ASG jerseys shouldn’t look like Kobe Bryant’s Christmas shoes, they should be blue and red and say “east” and “west”. [Smoking Section]

The 15 Best Ads of the 2012 Super Bowl So Far - My favorite ad so far is the one that plays the entire Rancor scene from Return Of The Jedi and says EAT DORITOS at the end. [Warming Glow]

14 Photos of Alex Ovechkin’s New $4.2 Million Mansion - So hey, now that you’ve got a cool new house and Sidney Crosby’s brain is a glass of milk, you uh, think you could get us past round one of the playoffs? [Brobible]

The Best Football Fan Raps - Too bad the “fan” part disqualifies the Super Bowl Shuffle, that’s still the best half-assed football rap of all time. [Adult Swim]

Video Of The Day: Chael Sonnen Opens Up To Dr. Phil - I like that MMA only has two personality types: “nearly illiterate” and “Brian Wilson”. [Cage Potato]

26 Meanest Quotes From Reviews Of Lana Del Rey’s New Album - I think she just exists so people can take pictures of her smoking cigarettes. [Buzzfeed]

People With Lana Del Rey Lips: 15 Celebrities Get Pouty Upgrades - You chose to be famous for being the world’s stupidest Nancy Sinatra and haing a monster’s face, Lizzy, this hate and backlash is all your fault. [UPROXX]

30 Funny, Catty, and Bitter Twitter Reactions To DC’s “Before Watchmen” Announcement - 28 of these are from me. My Hooded Justice costume didn’t make the cut, but I’m showing up in a cosplay post, so hey. [Gamma Squad]

Remember when Michael Shannon was in Groundhog Day? Hint: He loved Wrestlemania. - The character with whom I identify most in Groundhog Day. [Film Drunk]

11 Reasons Andie MacDowell Is The Most Underrated Romcom Lead Ever - Reason 12: that shampoo she uses makes her hair look voluminous! [Moviefone]

UPROXX ‘Archer’ Open Thread: ‘The Limited’ With Executive Producer Matt Thompson - Very cool stuff is happening at UPROXX. Go earn a badge that doesn’t say “poopies” on it. [UPROXX|

15 Celebrities Doing Cheesy Print Ads - I like that Tara Reid gets credited for a Josie And The Pussycats print ad but not Rachel Leigh Cook or Rosario Dawson. At least those two have worked in the last five years. [Unreality]

Somebody gon’ get they foam head split. (H/T to NDEddieMac)

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Links

‘Archer,’ Podcasting, Lana Kane Cosplay, Veal Cutlets, And Truckasaurus Hands: An Interview With Aisha Tyler - Archer week continues. I wonder if I could convince my bosses to organize a The Gospel Bill Show week at UPROXX? [UPROXX]

Ten Recurring ‘SNL’ Characters Who Should Have Been One-Offs - Calling bullsh*t on this list because Billy Smith is the funniest thing ever. I don’t think my brain has yet convinced me that Gilly is a real thing. [Warming Glow]

7 WTF Endorsement Deals Featuring Rappers - It’s even better when you make them up: Hip hop superstar Ma$e says drink more Ovaltine! More Ovaltine, uh huh, yeah! [Smoking Section]

Genius Parody: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close For 9/11 Conspiracy Theorists - “A plane crashes in an EMPTY FIELD and leaves no trace. ARE WE AT F*CKING HOGWARTS?!” [Film Drunk]

Launch Photon Ass Torpedoes — Astronauts in Danger From Their Own Farts - This is what we’re gonna talk about today instead of doing the SOPA blackout. You’re really missing out, Wikipedia. [Gamma Squad]

17 Angelfire Pages That Are Still Up Right Now - This made me chant “holy sh*t” at my computer. Angelfire sucked when I started using the Internet in like 1996. What’s next, discovering the lost ruins of GeoCity? [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim’s Songs For Helping “3-Way” - /takes detailed notes [Adult Swim]

Wendy Williams Launches Campaign To Save the Twinkie - Paula Deen should join in this, and the two of them should roll around naked in a field of obese babies. Launch a campaign to eat a head of lettuce, your insides look like burnt lasagna. [The FW]

‘Mad Men’ Season 5 Poster Is So Minimalist It Makes Your Ceiling Look Busy - Don’t care, still marking out. It should’ve just been a high-res picture of Trudy and Pete doing the Charleston. [FARK]

Based on the Movie Posters Alone, Which of these 10 Movies Are You Most Compelled to See? - Just Mad Men. But I would probably sit through The Enormous Face Of Kate Beckinsale In 3D. [Pajiba]

The Ultimate Bond Film - Cool story bro: I was trying to do a Google image search for James Bland, the guy who wrote the Virginia state song, and all I got was a bunch of pictures of Daniel Craig. Apparently that’s what people call him. I had no idea. My Bond knowledge is limited to “Goldeneye ruled”. [Unreality]

Troy & Abed’s Dope Adventures - Cool, but a little socially concerning at the same time. Basically the Uncool People On The Internet equivalent of Britta and Annie’s cheerleader wrestling. [High Definite]

Seriously though, big ups to Biggie Smalls Danger Guerrero for filling in yesterday so I could enjoy my birthday. On today’s schedule: morning links, then eight straight posts about pro wrestling.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
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Links

The Best Of #Sterling Archer Kicks Off UPROXX Archer Week - Yuuuuuuuup. [UPROXX]

5 Elseworlds Comics That Should Be Made Into Video Games - Steampunk everything! Or, I want a game where I’m Ma and Pa Kent and I have to drive around avoiding nails. [Gamma Squad]

Quentin Tarantino’s Top 11 Films of 2011 - I’m not sure I want to live in a world where one of our best filmmakers thinks Hugo and Green Lantern are on the same level. I don’t want to hear Kurosawa nudge somebody and say “hey, I liked 12 Angry Men, but I also liked Plan 9“. [Film Drunk]

The Reasons Louis C.K. Will Never Host the Golden Globes Are Exactly Why He Should Host the Golden Globes - I’m not sure how Ricky Gervais settled into his weird role of guy Hollywood hates but approves of, and why The Average White Guy We All Agree On couldn’t just slide right into it. [Warming Glow]

Apple iPad 3 Reportedly Releasing March 2012 - Hello, Apple thing Destiny wants. Goodbye, 700 more dollars. [Smoking Section]

Ever Wondered What It Would Look Like If A Bunch Of Playboy Playmates Tebowed? - In case you missed this yesterday, Burnsy accomplished one of my career goals: getting Holly Madison’s entire side boob on With Leather’s main page. New career goal: get it in my house. [With Leather]

Stephen Colbert Runs First Presidential Campaign Ad, Accuses Mitt Romney Of Being A Serial Killer - It’s an easy joke, but he’s at least as qualified for this as the people actually running, and he’d do something wacky like legalize pot without doing something wacky like racism. [UPROXX]

25 People Who Think MLK Day Is Milk Day - At least they aren’t Virginia, trying to shoehorn in two Confederate guys so we celebrate “Lee Jackson King” day. A girl I went to high school with once asked me, “who’s Lee Jackson King?” True, sad story. [Buzzfeed]

13 Artists Have Extraordinarily Bad Luck - Schleprock had better be on here somewhere. [Popcrush]

The 20 Biggest Second Week Drops in Box Office History* - Low budget horror films are like cinematic dubstep. [Pajiba]

What Is This Awkwardly Smiling Guy Doing with Mila Kunis? - It must be awful to be Mila Kunis right now. Sure, you’re rich and popular and beautiful, but Jesus, every other moment of your life is somebody standing next to you, smiling like this. The horror. [Brobible]

Trolling Election Billboards - Mitt Romney’s slogan should be “FOR I AM MITT ROMNEY, YOU SEE!” It’d be better than whatever TOGETHER FOR AMERICA bullsh*t he’d come up with otherwise. [High Definite]