Watching analysis and listening to announcers debate the accuracy of Aramis Ramirez striking out swinging without swinging (you read that correctly) is so boring you’ll feel like you sat through a powerpoint presentation by the end, but it’s something that needs to be seen.

Here’s what happens: Aramis Ramirez ducks a ball in on the hands, it clips his bat on the way across and the catcher reaches up to snag it. The umpire, going on sound, calls him out. Ramirez claims it hit his hand. It didn’t, and in a world where refs and umpires almost never seem to get it right, a guy made a quick call and nailed it. Ramirez struck out swinging without moving his bat.

It’s a perfect example of how the complexities of pro baseball make it the finest sport ever organized by man. It’s also a perfect example of how baseball is f**king NyQuil in sports-form.

[h/t Big League Stew]

Yesterday, we shared with you the news that beloved (cough) Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has parted ways with the organization because he couldn’t fly to Spain on their dime and wanted a bigger boat. In the Bard’s own words, by way of the Chicago Sun-Times:

“If I leave here, I will say, ‘I leave here because I want to make my [bleeping] money,’ ” he said. “You know why? Because no [bleeping] fans, no [bleeping] Jerry or [bleeping] anybody is going to take care of my grandkids and put me in a 62-foot boat. That’s why there’s free agency.’’

The Dugout has been on a brief hiatus while I was away on vacation and/or readjusting to the rigors of going to work every day in my underwear, so please enjoy this super-sized edition featuring the entire Ozzie Guillen saga, from his announcement of free agency to his Floridian journey and all the way back to Chicago, where the managers flow like wine. If you get concerned about the accents as you read, please remember how Ozzie Guillen actually sounds, and consider that I did him a favor.

The strip will be back in our regular rotation again from here on out (because baseball season being over is the best time for Dugouts, because I’m not watching baseball and things are actually happening) so be sure to like us on Facebook to keep up with the stories and drop us a comment either here or there. We’d also appreciate feedback in the form of 62-foot boats.

Today’s Dugout follows.

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… And it was fired from Aramis Ramirez’s figurative pistol. The Chicago Cubs at least gave their fans a tiny amount of joy last night as they won the last game of the season at Wrigley Field, defeating the Milwaukee Brewers 7-1. With a 6-game road trip remaining for the Cubs, they’re currently tied with the Pittsburgh Pirates for 4th place and they also have a chance to derail the St. Louis Cardinals’ last second playoff hopes starting tomorrow night at Busch Stadium.

But beyond that relative, honorable mention joy, the Cubs are once again in a familiar place, wondering what the hell comes next. Ramirez, who could be playing for a playoff contender right now, chose to stand strong with his no-trade clause in July and August because he wanted to sign an extension with the Cubs. Unfortunately, he knows now that he’s not in the Cubs’ plans.

Ramirez said “the chances to come back here don’t look pretty good right now,” and that he believed it would come to this after Hendry was fired.

“It looked that way, because of the situation in the front office,” he said. “I knew (staying) wasn’t a good (possibility) because we don’t have a GM, and we haven’t heard from (the Cubs) the whole time. I knew nothing was going to come of it.”

(Via the Chicago Tribune)

This would be a case of your standard baseball breakup, except that Ramirez knew before the July 31 trade deadline that he wasn’t in the plans. At that time there were teams interested in trading for Ramirez, who could have added a hot bat and solid glove at third base for a playoff team on the bubble (notably the Anaheim Angels and their ripe farm system). But Ramirez said no, and now he won’t even accept the mutual option for $16 million if the Cubs chose to pull the trigger, because he wants more years and more money.

In happier news, at least Ryne Sandberg is doing well.