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Links

LOLNFL2011: Week 12 - I hope Tim Tebow wins the Super Bowl. There, I said it! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Watch A Bunch Of Dogs Experience Sunlight And Grass For The First Time - Cried about this all day yesterday. People keep saying “so cute!” but no, not “cute” as much as “depressing as hell because I’m part of the species that does this to things”. [UPROXX]

Scene Breakdown: ‘Karate Dog’ - Still sad I wasn’t on the think-tank for this (I’ve got the DVD right here) but now I’m following Danger Guerrero @dangerguerrero so I won’t miss out on those opportunities again! [Film Drunk]

40 Awesome Straight-Up Nerdy Christmas Ornaments - The best is the guy who took a picture of the Spider-Man ornament while it was still hanging up at the Hallmark store. SMDH @ you, nerd. [Gamma Squad]

R.I.P. Patrice O’Neal - And yet Carlos Mencia has a new special on Comedy Central this week. Life has never been fair. [Warming Glow]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 11/28: Get On Your Vegan High Horse And Ride - If you haven’t read this yet, you should. I make a comparison with The Miz that will destroy your ability to watch wrestling forever. [With Leather]

The Bottom Line? Five Classic Moments Missing From WWE’s New Stone Cold Steve Austin Documentary - See, I’m not the only UPROXX satellite that writes about wrestling. I would buy this DVD if I didn’t already own f**king three other Stone Cold Steve Austin DVDs. [Smoking Section]

The 20 Finest Fake Criterions For Really Sh*tty Movies - I love these and would buy almost all of them (especially Air Bud), but in what universe is Bill And Ted’s Bogus Journey a “really sh*tty movie”? You’re watching movies wrong. [UPROXX]

Lady Gaga Totally Looks Like These Pigeons - And her last album is still terrible! Put the old people back in charge of you before I stop liking you forever, Gaga. [Buzzfeed]

‘A Dangerous Method’ and the Most Freudian Movies Ever - Does Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure count? He’s holding a corn dog when they’re at the mall. [Moviefone]

This Is the Stupidest, Most Brilliant Knockout Kick We’ve Ever Seen - That’s not Eddy Gordo, guys, that’s a motherf**king Koppu Kick. Jushin Thunder Liger would’ve lit this guy up. [Cage Potato]

Angry Dog will not tolerate animal cruelty.

Some Russian businessmen put a donkey on a parasail to promote their parasailing company, and thankfully, there’s video. The first time I watched it I couldn’t help but laugh, and then quickly felt like a horrible person. There’s nothing funny about animal cruelty. That being said, try and watch this without laughing. It’s impossible. Russia Today gives a synopsis of what went down.

Police in southern Russia will launch a probe into an initiative by local entrepreneurs who sent a donkey into the sky on a parachute in an advertising stunt. The official spokesman for the local directorate of the Interior Ministry told reporters that the parachuting donkey incident took place last Thursday on an Azov Sea beach in the Temryk District in Krasnodar. “They gave this donkey a parachute ride in order to attract holidaymakers’ attention to this sort of entertainment. The parasailing donkey brayed and the children cried, but no one was smart enough to inform the police about the incident,” RIA Novosti news agency quoted the official as saying Monday. The police will launch a probe and if the entrepreneurs are found guilty, they could face criminal persecution under the article on cruel treatment of animals of the Russian Criminal Code, which carries a maximum punishment of two years in prison. –Russia Today’s Youtube Channel

Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Too bad that hen pocketed all the balls on one shot – a few more and we could've had an omelet. I kid, I kid. This chicken looks like a pretty tough opponent on the green felt, but I think I could rattle her by referring to the stripes and solids as 'herbs and spices'. -KD

We interrupt your regularly scheduled sports coverage to acknowledge Groundhog Day and the thrilling events in Punxsutawney, PA:

The rodent was taken out of a tree stump on a hill called Gobbler's Knob, and delivered his prognostication to William Cooper, President of Punxsutawney's Inner Circle, who organizers say is the only person in the world who can speak "groundhog-ese." Cooper read a scroll containing the groundhog's prediction. It said: "As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me. Six more weeks of winter it will be."

That's sad, Mr. Cooper's Groundhogese mentor must have died, since he's the only living speaker. Not to be outdone, the great state of Ohio has its own animal porknosticator (LOL!):

"Darke County Dave," a local hog, will opine — or oswine — on America's economic outlook on Friday, the Ohio treasurer's office said. In his inaugural outing, Dave will choose between a trough of sugar or one of sawdust to gauge the the economy's future course at the event in Greenville, Ohio northwest of Dayton. Sugar means the U.S. economy will run sweetly, while sawdust…

"Darke County Dave" is just its stage name, the pig's real name is Laura Quinn. Before you start calling people stupid for putting stock in weather and economic predictions made by dumb animals, remember that NFL fans listen to what Emmitt Smith, John Madden, Shannon Sharpe, and Terry Bradshaw say every week. -KD

If you think that is cruel, you obviously never had a paper route. Plus, that dog had it coming for wearing that sweater. -KD

Did you receive a new basketball hoop for Hanukkah, Christmas, Tet, Kwanzaa, Ramadan or Saturnalia? Well, here's an efficient way to remove your old pole: 

By the way, skinning a cat is not as simple or fun as it sounds. Unless, the feline in question is already shaved, then "skinning" can be very enjoyable and quite easy if alcohol is involved. -KD