Apparently there are some people out there who don’t share our same appreciation when adorable little animals find their way on to a sports field. For example, a soccer player by the name of Enzo Jimenez – haha, no, not the Paraguayan Minister of Agriculture and Livestock – didn’t care too much for a dog that found its way on to the football pitch during a (possibly) recent match between San Juan and Bellavista.

Jimenez grabbed the dog by its neck and tried to hurl it over the fence, but he failed and the dog ran back on to the pitch. Fortunately, by that point the opposing team let it be known that dog mishandling is not something that they are cool with. Jimenez was then given a red card for his dickish efforts and booted from the game. I may never hear Enzo Jimenez’s name again in my life, but when I do, I will always think, “That guy is a flaming piece of doggy poop.”

Now, in case you don’t want to watch the above video, I’ve included some super special doggy GIFs after the jump.

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"Aw, you promised me a teenage girl."

It’s hard to believe that people could have ever thought this was a good idea, but in 1966, there was a TV series entitled Europe’s Big Top Circus Stars Live from the Hippodrome – AKA The Hippodrome Show – and it featured big TV and movie stars of the day serving as “Guest Ringmasters” of a televised circus. In fact, stars like Merv Griffin, Tony Randall and Jack Carter played host for this brief series that is described by IMDB as such:

Spectacular variety series featuring the whole nine yards, jumping dogs, trapeze acts, brass bands, vaudeville as well as contemporary singers and musicians. Hosts were the same but different line ups or episodes were made to suit each country.

Right off the bat, my attention is piqued with jumping dogs, but is that all that they do? Maybe I’m spoiled in this Internet generation, especially with my incredible research team and tireless fact checkers, but if all those dogs did was jump, then I don’t want to hear about how awesome the 60s were anymore.

But the reason that I bring this not-necessarily-sports-news up is because a friend sent me a video last night – it’s an old one but I’d never seen it – featuring Woody Allen boxing a kangaroo in front of the Hippodrome audience. Specifically, this is from the third episode of the show’s 11-episode run, and Allen’s show also featured something called the Dubsky’s Football Dogs. That certainly sounds a lot more exciting than just “jumping dogs”. Unfortunately, there’s no video of those dogs, so you’ll have to settle for a scared kangaroo and a delightful ending.

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As a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals, I’m generally regarded as more intelligent, classy, handsome and naturally toned and defined than fans of other baseball teams. Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle is also a lifelong Cardinals fan, making him equally outstanding but slightly less good looking. But Buehrle wins the Opposite of Michael Vick Award for 2010, as he footed a $3,000 veterinarian bill for Shelby, a stray Sheltie that was found wandering in St. Louis with an arrow lodged in her stomach. Sadly, it was not for an incredibly adorable comedy routine.

Shelby survived her emergency surgery, as she had serious damage to her intestines, and she immediately became a local media darling with over 90 applications submitted by families looking to adopt her. In the end, a family with kids took Shelby in, and I like to think that Albert Pujols found the person who shot the arrow and used his nuts for batting practice.

Who’s a good widdle family full of wuv, Chicago Sun-Times…

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