Here are three quotes from Puck Daddy’s “oh my God, did you seriously put NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman’s picture on the targets at your firing range” interview with DVC Indoor Shooting Center manager Wes Yen that put the story in its proper context:

“It seems to be one of our more popular targets. It’s actually been a pretty big hit for us.”

“I guess not. It’s an animated target. We’re not using real people. Everyone knows it’s just for fun.”

“It’s good for my business. When there’s nothing on TV, people will come down to the range and start shooting.”

Here’s what I’ve pieced together: Everyone who comes to the firing range has a well-meaning understanding that this is all for fun, but are also the types to START SHOOTING GUNS AT THINGS BECAUSE HOCKEY IS NOT ON TELEVISION. Remind me to wear a blaze orange morphsuit the next time I’m in Port Coquitlam, British Columbia, in the summer.

A better look at the target is below. Note that while the targets aren’t specifically on Bettman, three of the four are clear and Gary’s full of bullet holes. This is all for fun, hooray!

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Feeling low? Had a tough week? Here’s Arkansas coach John L. Smith to scream “SMILE!” at you like he’s going to split your cheeks open like the f**king Joker until you start smiling and/or back out of the room.

This is the best/weirdest part:

It’s sorta like when you start crying, and your dad just yells STOP CRYING at you, and also you’re the coach of a college football team. I think we’ve all been there.

So this weekend, when you’re dreading Monday morning, just picture a 63-year old man shouting about how he won’t talk to you unless you cheer up. That should make you feel totally fine.

[via ESPN on YouTube]

From the video description:

After getting sprayed from point-blank range with some silly string, an upset Bruins fan goes after Tampa Bay’s mascot and gives him a push. He is then kicked out of the game. Seems a little silly to me, as it was just a little shove. It’s not like he beat the hell out of him (though he looks like he could have), and theres a fairly good reason why he was upset to begin with (though it WAS just silly string). Hot headed much?

So, where to begin?

1. You cannot get sprayed with silly string at “point blank range”. While we’re at it, you also can’t load a can of silly string with rock salt and spray it in a spread.
2. “Seems a little silly to me, as it was just a shove”. I’m guessing the sillier aspect of this is that a grown man would get sprayed with silly string by a guy in a plush firefly costume and his reaction would be to rush up the steps in a rage and shove it, instead of pulling the string off his face, saying “heh, argh you son of a bitch” with good nature and continuing to watch the hockey game as not a sociopath.
3. “It’s not like he beat the hell out of him (though he looks like he could have)” is the worst part of this. I don’t think anyone was calling the guy’s toughness into question and you don’t really have to jump to defend a guy who shoved down a cartoon character for f**king with him. I’m sure he’s sufficiently tough, and that he shows and tells people as often as possible.
4. “There’s a fairly good reason why he was upset to begin with”. There really wasn’t, unless “being a constantly-pissed off anthropomorphic dick hockey fan” is the fairly good reason. It’s hard to see a fat guy furiously running after a foam animal for accosting him with the solids version of a squirt gun and assume he’s doing it for a “good reason”.

The worst part is that Thunderbug was fired over this. Via the Tampa Bay Times:

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Carlos Zambrano is set to make a combined $35 million in 2011 and 2012, in addition to the $17.75 million he’ll have pulled in when this season wraps up. For legal tender like that you’d think the guy would be fat-neck deep in the Cy Young race like past years, or at least the first halves of seasons. But he’s not, and instead he’s been taking team-ordered anger management classes due to a series of offbeat, quirky behaviors this season. But mainly because he’s a raging psycho.

Zambrano’s been known for his on-field meltdowns, of which he had a few more than usual this season. Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella assigned Zambrano to the bullpen, where he honed his 5.66 ERA and racked up a whopping four holds. The fiery Venezuelan has reportedly finished his anger management classes and will begin pitching at team facilities in Arizona. The Cubs don’t have a timetable for his return, but hope to stop pissing money away sooner than later.

Tell me it’s not my fault, Fanhouse:

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