OH…HELLO THERE, BROOKLYN DECKER

Written by JOSH Z / 08.19.09

Noted supermodel Brooklyn Decker posed for GQ, who was good enough (again) to send us some hi-resolution images, and we’ve done our best to pass those along to you again. Andy Roddick’s wife looks pretty decent in white, but her serve probably blows and her forehand needs a little work. In fact, I’m working my forehand right now. By typing. Perv.

Decker exudes supernatural supermodel poise, but there’s one topic that rattles even her: She met her husband when his agent called hers to arrange a date. “That happens all the time to girls,” Decker says, blushing a little, “but his was the one number I kept.” For their first get-together, Roddick took her to dinner, then an Upright Citizens Brigade comedy show. “He was the first to admit that he kind of stalked me,” Decker says. “But his line was ‘It’s only stalking if the other person doesn’t like it.’ ”—WILL WELCH

I am totally writing that down. You can see the GQ slideshow here.

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‘CONGRATULATIONS…LOSER.’

Written by JOSH Z / 07.10.09

It’s hard to be irritated with Andy Roddick now, especially after his effort in the final at Wimbledon where he nearly beat Roger Federer. But depending on who you ask, Roddick should have beaten the 15-time major tournament winner. At the very least, it would have made for a better ad.

One of Roddick’s sponsors (you can see it on the ad; I won’t mention them in the text because of my endorsement deal with adidas) curiously bought a full-page ad on the back of the New York Times sport section to congratulate Crocodile Andy and thank him “for his performance at Wimbledon.” No, they really called him Crocodile Andy. And they thanked him. Thanked him for losing! Oooh, burn!

I thought it was almost sad that Roddick apologized to Pete Sampras after allowing Federer to break Sampras’ career majors record through him. I’m inclined to think that not his job to defend the nation’s tennis legacy. But when ESPN and his sponsors try to sell him as an ambassador of the game, maybe it should be. And this is a rather poor effort in accomplishing that end.

|via Darren Rovell|

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RODDICK GETS SAND IN HIS GASH ON CLAY COURT

Written by JOSH Z / 06.02.09

I feel compelled to revisit Andy Roddick’s ouster in the French Open from yesterday; apparently “ouster” can not only refer to one’s removal or ejection, but also refer to the one doing the freaking ousting! How cool is that? Anyway, Roddick threw a fit like someone just told him there wouldn’t be any ponies at his birthday party in the middle of his evening match with Frenchman1 Gael Monfils.

Roddick complained about darkness setting in, and let’s be fair, when you’re banging Brooklyn Decker, there’s only so many things in life you can actually complain about. From Y! Sports:

“I’m having trouble seeing the ball,” [Roddick] told the umpire. “When we started what did the sky look like? Now look up to the sky and tell me what’s changed.”

The American former world number one gifted Monfils the first set with a service return into the net and lost the second after squandering three break points in the eighth game.

After querying the light situation again, Roddick slammed his racket down in anger during the changeover at 3-2 in the third, drawing boos from the partisan crowd.

I don’t give a rat’s can about Roddick or his rumored habit of always peeing sitting down or what he does with his life. I’m just really irritated that this has become the face of American tennis: some jagoff MacEnroe wannabe without the mental fortitude to win the big majors abroad. And he stole his nickname from a gay baseball player2! Monfils played in the same damn conditions he did, and did he cry to the umpire? Did he hit every other drop shot into the net? Hell, no. I guess those arrogant French clouds were too much for poor Andy to handle. Try speaking the language next time, or, better yet, not speaking at all.

Read the rest of this entry »

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ELTON JOHN TO GIVE THE GIFT OF MUSIC

Written by JOSH Z / 04.17.09

Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker already received one invitation back for their upcoming wedding — from noted Crocodile Rocker Elton John. Sorry, that’s the only Elton John song I really like.

“He’s supposed to perform and everyone’s really excited,” says a source of the musical superstar, who knows the tennis champ and groom-to-be, 26, through their mutual involvement in charity work.

Two years ago, John, 62, performed at the Andy Roddick Foundation’s Charity Gala. Last year, Roddick led “Team Elton John” in the Advanta WTT Smash Hits charity event, which raised more than $400,000 for the Elton John AIDS Foundation.

There’s probably a great gay joke in here somewhere, but I’d hate to point out something so obvious about America’s best tennis player. Well, maybe I wouldn’t hate it.

|Peeps|

[Note the brand-spankin'-new Brooklyn Decker tag. And we do mean "spankin'." --Ed.]

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ANDY RODDICK JUST CRUSHED YOUR DREAMS

Written by JOSH Z / 04.15.09

Moon Dog Sports is reporting that Brooklyn Decker is going to marry her longtime boyfriend, over-marketed tennis scum Andy Roddick (as if we didn’t already know). But what’s the story with this map here? I thought the dark brown was land at first, but doesn’t that shape on the top part look like a ship? And if so, wouldn’t that mean the dark brown is water? Where’s Buster Bluth when you need him?

More pics over at their site. My faves are here.

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ANDY RODDICK IS DOING WELL FOR HIMSELF

Written by Matt / 03.25.09

Andy Roddick is a much nicer human being than I am.  If I were engaged to Brooklyn Decker, I damn sure wouldn’t be setting foot in a Macy’s.  To sign autographs.  For stupid kids.  With muppets in the picture.  In fact, I wouldn’t be doing any of those things individually, much less all of them combined.

Because once you’ve got an SI swimsuit model locked down, who else on Earth do you really need to please?  Not some four-eyed wiener kid.  Heck, I’d push him into traffic if it would make Brooklyn Decker smile.  Girls like it when you do things to impress them.

|Best Week Ever|

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