That guy gets it.

Things started off well for Andy Roddick at the Australian Open, as he won his first round match over the Netherlands’ Robin Haase 6-3, 6-4, 6-1. But then America’s most decent men’s tennis player and best guy who married up got a little greedy. Roddick was pulling double duty at the Open, teaming up with Serena Williams for today’s mixed doubles action, and the pressure was just too much for his already injured hamstring.

Yesterday, Roddick retired during the third set of his match against Lleyton Love Hewitt, and thus ends our time with Roddick’s wife, Brooklyn Decker. Blah blah blah, Roddick was upset or something.

“It’s frustrating; it’s discouraging,” Roddick said after the match. “You know, your sensible mind says to have a sense of perspective. You still have it pretty good.

“The competitor in you feels terrible and wants to break stuff.”

(Via the New York Times)

You want to break stuff? The only joy of my Monday mornings after a tennis tournament is looking for pictures of Decker. Now I got nothing, except for that banner pic and some random pictures of her modeling different weird hats earlier this week in Australia. Even worse, I was all set to use my favorite GIF come Monday…

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And now, the worst thing Andy Roddick has done to white people since bagging Mandy Moore.

Allow him to introduce himself, his name is Roddick. Pronounced with an -umpty. This is him doing music’s equivalent of getting busy in a Burger King bathroom, rapping a personalized version of Digital Underground’s untouchable classic “The Humpty Dance” with Bobby Bones of Austin’s The Bobby Bones Show. A few truths: 1) This should not be happening, 2) This is happening at the Bobby Bones Tacky Sweater Party, which sorta cements the fact that Bobby Bones is the Weenie And The Butt of Austin radio (or Crazy Ira And The Douche, if you prefer that reference) and 3) If Andy Roddick was cool he’d be dancing around with Deb from the Morning X. If I was cool I would be doing the same thing.

Anyway, yeah. In a 69 Andy Roddick’s nose will tickle your rear. I can’t “fault” him for trying. Tennis jokes.

[via Busted Racquet]

Andy Roddick has taken some time out from being America’s death rattle of men’s tennis success to openly voice his opinion on some matters that are near and dear to his heart. For starters, when you’re a guy who isn’t as good as people once expected you to be, you’re going to often be aggravated and wish to vent your frustration how you see fit. Roddick’s solution is that he thinks that tennis players should be allowed to behave like professional wrestlers and just break anything they want. In theory, he’s right. A throwback to John McEnroe would be great.

But there’s a better solution out there – it’s called not sucking. But look at me being all critical. That’s another thing that Roddick hates. In an interview with ESPN’s Chris Fowler, Roddick talked about his future as an analyst.

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In case you don’t feel like staying up late at night to watch the Australian Open (which I have no problem doing), some crappy history was made by America this year. Andy Roddick couldn’t win a set against Stanislas Wawrinka (I’m not going to pretend to know who that is or how to pronounce it), as he lost 6-3 6-4 6-4. It’s the first time there hasn’t been an American in the quarterfinals since 1987, and also, for the first time, there is an all-Swiss quarterfinals with Roger Federer and Wawrinka (edit: I’m stupid. See comments.). Psh, who cares about Switzerland anyway?
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I’ve bitched and moaned about Andy Roddick in the past, even though he’s never really done anything wrong, like committed violent crime or shamed me into recycling. But here’s Andy trying to be all serious when there’s some perfectly good koala sex happening in the background. Now, I’m no expert on koalas, but I know sex in a tree when I see it. No, not from experience. I had a roommate that used to draw Ewok porn. –Best Week Ever, via Ufford.

Here’s Andy Roddick “playing” against Dave Letterman on a taped segment of “Late Show with that one guy,” so that’s why you’re still seeing daylight in the clip, you smartass. Being able to pop a serve down Broadway at 103 miles per hour is pretty impressive. Not quite as impressive as nailing Brooklyn Decker whenever you want, but impressive nonetheless. via.