That headline is meant in jest, but this is turning out to be a big deal. Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid has announced that the starting quarterback’s job is Michael Vick’s to lose, and now the debate of whether America is ready for a former dogfighter to lead an NFL team has been re-ignited.

Look, when Vick signed with the Eagles last year, we all knew we’d get to this point eventually. Vick is not the first convicted felon to come back to pro football. He won’t be the last. Vick has earned the job; it’s clear to most everyone that the Kevin Kolb era is still not ready for prime time. But while a lot of people have been supportive of Vick’s return to national prominence, some, more interestingly, have been critical of those who aren’t.

It’s important here to make a distinction between a man’s record and his reputation. As a citizen of this country, Vick is (and should be) free to pursue his livelihood. He has paid that debt.

But as a public figure, we’re not dutifully bound to forgive the guy. Or forget.He also has volunteered his time to speak on animal rights issues. Regardless of his motivations, that is a good thing. But I’m going to postpone revising my views on Michael Vick; I need more to go on than “Has done a good job of not torturing or murdering animals over the last four years.”

And I really don’t understand the mindset of people tripping over themselves to sh*t on anybody that still has a problem with him. Hey, I’d be even more bent out of shape if he had been banned from the league. That doesn’t mean I have to welcome the guy back onto my television with proverbial open arms. Or that I won’t do a double take when I see the next guy wearing a “VICK 7″ Eagles replica jersey walking down the sidewalk. That’s not playing God. That’s simply having an unfavorable opinion. We don’t have to see eye-to-eye, and you need to understand that.

There’s another post out there floating around about how great the Bad Newz dogs are doing. “You should get over Vick! The dogs did! You know, except for the dead ones.” I had no idea that Vick’s PR was being handled by the NCAA. If that’s good enough for you, fine. But don’t expect me to forget about what Vick did. I simply can’t. So stop asking.

Lots of sucking off happened during the weekend, and why not, the weather was perfect for it. Perhaps the most momentous suck was NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson crashing his car in the Dickies 500 yesterday, thereby eliminating his “insurmountable unless he crashes in the Dickies 500″ lead. So there’s that.

In college football, Alabama managed to stay unbeaten against LSU, in no small part to another questionable call from SEC officials. Look, we get it, a league has every incentive to keep its best teams undefeated until its championship game, but do you have to be so blatant about it?. These refs are like the real SEC on Wall Street, except nullifying Patrick Peterson’s INT didn’t force anyone to lose their house. Speaking of crooked refs: Iowa finally lost–to Northwestern [even though they should have lost that game to Indiana earlier in the year] and Penn State lost to Ohio State at home. And the Hype Train for Oregon was derailed mighty quickly; they lost to Stanford. Cal and Oklahoma also sucked in fine form Saturday. More #cfb</a>.

The New York Giants have lost four games in a row. That sucks! San Diego’s Philip Rivers found Vincent Jackson in the end zone to be Big Blue, 21-20, in the Meadowlands yesterday. More like “Big Blew,” amirite? But the biggest suckage of all–based on both overall suck magnitude and total gross weight–was the way that Eagles coach Andy Reid managed his team against the Cowboys in the Sunday night game. Reid wasted two challenges on spot calls in the second half (neither of which overturned the call on the field) and then opted for a long field goal with his team down by seven with about five minutes left in the game. I’ll ruin the ending for you: Dallas converted two first downs, the Eagles couldn’t stop the clock, and Philly lost by four. But at least Andy Reid can still hang his hat on being a good father…oh, wait.

I haven't exactly been Mr. Journalist when it comes to Britt and Garrett Reid, the troubled sons of Eagles coach Andy Reid.  This is partly because I don't consider them sports figures, but mostly because they're not hot young women.  Oh man, if they were a couple of drugged-up hotties in their early twenties… But I digress.  After a variety of offenses, Garrett and Britt have both been sentenced to jail, and the judge didn't think the Reid house was the best place for the sons to be living.

"It sounds more or less like a drug emporium there with the drugs all over the house, and you're an addict," [Judge] O'Neill told Britt Reid.

Police found a shotgun and hollow-point bullets along with cocaine, marijuana and OxyContin in the vehicle Britt Reid was driving during a Jan. 30 road-rage encounter, and later found a handgun at the house that they believe he had brandished at the other driver. They found vials of heroin and steroids, more than 200 pills and a drug scale in Garrett Reid's car the same day, when he injured another motorist.

Drugs, guns, and driving problems.  Good Lord, check these kids' DNA.  It's like T.I mated with Anna Nicole Smith and Rebecca Gayheart.  Oh but wait, there's more:

Garrett Reid was sentenced to two to 23 months, and authorities said that he had smuggled 89 pills into jail by secreting them in his rectum.

Holy hell that's a lot of pills to jam in one rectum.  He's outfitted like the trunk of a VW Bug back there.

The grown sons of Andy Reid are named Britt and Garrett. Those are the kind of names a man gets only from a woman. And it looks like Britt and Garrett got girlie driving skills to go with their girlie names: both were involved in separate traffic incidents in the same county yesterday.

Garrett Reid was driving a black Jeep Liberty SUV that collided with a car at Germantown Pike and Arch Road about 2:30 p.m., according to police… The driver of a Ford Taurus, an unidentified woman from the Harrisburg area, was taken by helicopter to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, police said. She was listed in serious condition.

Britt Reid allegedly exchanged insults and gestures with the other driver as they drove down the road… At a stop light, Reid allegedly got out of his car and approached the other driver, who remained in his car.

Some reports claim that Britt was in a rush to get to the scene to Garrett's accident, but that detracts from the focal point of the story: Andy Reid allowed his wife to name his sons Garrett and Britt.

And apparently Reid has a third son. He's an Asian woman named Mary.