Roger Clemens is a free man. More or less.

The perjury trial of former Major League Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens ended in a mistrial on the second day of witness testimony after prosecutors showed the jury evidence that violated a court order.

U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton in Washington said today that he’s considering barring further prosecution of Clemens on double-jeopardy grounds and set a hearing for Sept. 2 on whether to let the case proceed.

As a baseball fan and a human male on the Internet, I am outraged. I want Roger Clemens to go to jail for the rest of his life. No, I don’t think a prison term is the best idea for someone who cheated at baseball or did drugs or lied about either, I just really don’t like Roger Clemens. I am going to register a “kill Roger Clemens with a firing squad” Facebook page because of this, and I’m sure that will effect change.

Until then, please read the transcript from today’s proceedings.

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After losing out on free agent pitcher Cliff Lee, the New York Yankees have been questionably desperate in filling the spot in their rotation vacated by Andy Pettitte, who has previously announced that he is done with baseball. Probably. You know, maybe. While Yankees GM Brian Cashman has made it clear that his team isn’t desperate, he has also said that he would love to have Andy back if he wants to be a Yankee for one more season. He just can’t be all Brett Favre about it.

Said Cashman:

“Andy has talking about being home for years,” said Cashman. “Being from Texas and having to be in New York for six months out of the year can be hard because he has kids and he’s missing important time with them. He’s opting not to play right now but that might change it might not. I told him don’t ‘Brett Favre’ us. You got to be all in and fully dedicated to play. Do I need him? I need him, but I don’t want him to play if his heart’s not in it.” (Via The Trentonian)

Admittedly, it’s hard to take Cashman very seriously after he let Roger Clemens act like Favre before Favre was Favre. But I really hope more team officials and general managers use this new strategy. Wouldn’t it be great if Doc Rivers and Danny Ainge publicly told Rasheed Wallace that he better not Brett Favre the Boston Celtics? On a far lesser scale, if the Kansas City Royals told Gil Meche that he better not Favre them? Imagine the joy that we’d finally witness as owners and GMs grabbed their cojones all because Favre has been such a douchebag.

Cashman also said that this year’s Yankee squad is making up for its shortcomings by focusing on teamwork. He’s even had Navy SEALs come in to talk to the players about having each other’s backs, to which Alex Rodriguez just blushed.

Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte and David Carr recorded a few commercials when the three played in Houston and two of them still had careers. Thanks guys, not like there's ever a shortage of meat at ballgames anyway. And by meat, i obviously mean penises. And by ballgames, I mean David Carr's mouth. Many ballgames are played there as well.

You Been Blinded has a few more of the ads, which I haven't watched but won't stop curious people from experimenting with. Hey, i don't judge. That's what queers do. 

The House Oversight Committee has invited Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte and Brian McNamee, the former Yankees' trainer who claims to have injected Clemens with steroids and HGH, to appear on January 16 to testify on the Congressional investigation of the Mitchell Report.

"Roger is willing to answer questions, including those posed to him while under oath," said Clemens' lawyer, Rusty Hardin. "We hope to determine shortly if schedules and other commitments can accommodate the committee on that date."

Translation: Roger will be available on February 29 from 6:00 to 6:03 PM. When you have been prosecuted as many times as I have, you become an expert at deciphering legalese. Although that was some expert lawyer mumbo-jumbo, especially for a guy named Rusty. Anyway, the committee has also called Chuck Knoblauch and with good reason. Even Keith Olberman's mother knows that he definitely had some extra juice on his throws to first base at the end of his career. -KD