If you haven’t seen this video, I’m not going to spoil it for you. Click play, watch it, then experience what is either the mute button or an NESN having a crisis of the soul during a Red Sox/Orioles game. The absolute best part is the deadpan video description:
Nick Markakis takes strike one.
He sure does. This video is part of what I can only assume will be a never-ending series of guys grabbing boobs in public, because if you’re sitting next to your girlfriend for more than twenty minutes, chances are you’re going to (or at least want to) touch her boobs. I don’t know why we’re wired like that, but we are. Maybe it’s our 21st century equivalent to marking our territory. At least we aren’t pissing on you, ladies!
I think the public boob grab can be all right as long as you don’t make a face like that one weird soccer fan and you keep it to a minimum. It helps if you make the NESN guys laugh so hard they have to mute themselves for two minutes. Somebody listening at home is wondering what the next pitch is probably going to be, but nope, they aren’t going to find out because those nice young couples enjoying a summer night at Fenway Park are sexually active. (spoiler alert: another sh**ty fastball)
[h/t Bob's Blitz]