Are you a Florida-based fan of the Washington Wizards? Do you enjoy having a lady you don’t know rub her business on your legs? Have you ever wanted someone from the Wizards to watch you while a lady rubbed her business on your legs?

Now you can, thanks to Lapdance Tuesdays, hosted by Wizards forward and Twitter fight promoter Andray Blatche. It all goes down Tuesday nights at the Cameo Theatre nightclub, presented by something called “The Opium Group” and featuring a “strict dress code,” which I guess includes those logo-nonspecific uniforms players have to wear when they show up on boxes of macaroni and cheese. Also advertised: music by DJ Affect and DJ Mummy. DJ Mummy! I bet he plays a lot of wrap.

So, only two questions remain: one, if you live in Florida, why do you care about the Washington Wizards? And two, can you maintain wood with Andray Blatche circling you, going “oh! oh! oh! Give it up?”

[D.C. Sports Bog]

A gripe I’ve always heard from those who aren’t as fond of the NBA as I am is that players don’t take the regular season very seriously. Unfortunately, many of these complaints are validated when guys mail it in like Andray Blatche did last night in an 87-80 loss to Chicago.

If you’re a fan of perpetually awful teams like I am, you sometimes delude yourself into believing that your team isn’t that terrible. But when you watch one of your star players, who would warm the bench on a contender, make the laziest play you’ve ever seen, you feel pretty miserable. So miserable, in fact, you start to reassess a lot of the decisions you’ve made throughout your life. Then you start drinking heavily. Bills fans know where I’m coming from. Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

I never realized this was illegal, but Washington Wizards free agent Andray Blatche was arrested yesterday for soliciting an undercover cop for sex.

Blatche and a male acquaintance were arrested at 12:11 yesterday morning… after attempting to solicit sex from a female police officer in the prostitution enforcement unit… The Wizards have held high hopes for the 6-foot-11, 248-pound Blatche since selecting him with the 49th overall pick [in 2005], but his impact on the team has been minimal because his rookie season was stunted when he was shot in an attempted carjacking near his home in Alexandria. 

I've gotta say, it's pretty dishonest of cops to disguise themselves as hookers.  I'm sure Blatche respects the law; it's not like he would have offered her money for sex if she'd been wearing her uniform. In fact, the cop should be flattered that Blatche found her attractive.  Besides, he's the victim here.  I think getting shot during a carjacking entitles you to a little victimless vice crime.  But what do I know?  I'm just a guy with a huge penis.

(Also see: FanHouse, Deadspin)