I don't know what the Anaheim Ducks are so happy about.  The 405 is gonna be a fuckin' mess on the way home.

(Getty Images photo) 

The Stanley Cup Finals continued last night, as the Senators fell to the Duckzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Listen, hockey, I want to like you.  I really do.  But it's just not working out.  It's not you; it's me.  So I'll make this quick: here's the game recap, and some hockey fans will certainly have fun things to say in the comments.  And I'll be sure to do another post about this fine sport when those big men skate around with the shiny old trophy. 

And now, back to surfing for porn.  Or, as the Internet kids call it, "pr0n."  Mmmm… prawns.

(Photo credit: Getty Images) 

That's Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals for all of you non-hockey fans, so that's all but three of you.  Anaheim Ducks defenseman Chris Pronger will miss the next game for striking Ottawa Senators forward Dean McAmmond in the head with his forearm:

It is the sixth career NHL suspension for the 6-foot-6, 220-pound, hard-hitting All-Star and the second in these playoffs.  "It was just a reaction play. I just stepped up to make a hit," Pronger told reporters.

That's exactly what I told the cops when I set fire to my ex-girlfriend's house.  Apparently "reaction play to a cheating slut" is not an acceptable reason for arson.  The Senators believe the hit was deliberate:

"It's no doubt that he did this on purpose," said Senators general manager John Muckler. "Unfortunately, we have a player that is injured and has a concussion. And it's doubtful whether he'll be able to play on Monday. Hopefully he will. We just have to move forward." 

Wait, McAmmond was knocked the fuck out?

[NHL disciplinarian Colin] Campbell said he had "no doubt" McAmmond was knocked out on the ice.

And that's four KOs today, sexy readers!  I've fulfilled my quota for stories of unconsciousness – have a great week! -KD

Note: I don't know if lovely Shania is a Leafs or a Sens fan, but she has to be happy the Canadian team won last night.  

Awwww yeah!  You feel that, Canadia?  That's a big ol' American boot up your icy ass.  The Ducks beat the Senators 1-0 last night to take a 2-0 series lead in the Stanley Cup finals, further cementing the American ideals of giving sports teams to overgrown suburbs, framing them around a movie franchise, then having them kick the Canadian capital's ass in the country's preferred sport.  Take that, Molson-breath!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  

Uhhh… that's pretty much everything I know about hockey.  Some guy named Samuel Pahlsson (Chant with me: "His name is Samuel Pahlsson") scored the deciding goal late in the game, and Ducks captain Scott Niedermayer had some quotes about taking care of home ice, and how he made the Senators do twenty push-ups for wearing a pledge pins on their sweaters.  They're all worthless and weak!

The Los Angeles Ducks of Anaheim stole game 1 of the Stanley Cup playoffs with a thrilling 3-2 come-from-behind victory over the Ottawa Senators last night.  At least, I'm guessing it was thrilling.  I didn't happen to watch it myself, but I looked at some pictures and people seemed pretty stoked about it.  So, hooray!

Unfortunately, the game was overshadowed by the third-period tragedy that killed dozens of fans who were trapped in a large glass box without air.  Anaheim center Ryan Getzlaf (pictured) tried to break the fans out of their airless grave before it was too late, but failed.  So sad.

Editor's note: Welcome, Washington Post readers.  Feel free to poke around the site and judge me, but watch out for the comments section.  Them's dangerous waters.

As the Ducks prepare for Game 4 of their series against the Red Wings (which Detroit leads 2-1), they'll have to try to even the series without their primary enforcer, Chris Pronger.  Pronger was suspended one game for the above hit on the Wings' Tomas Holmstrom.  I guess you're not allowed to skate at someone full speed and crush his head against the glass any more.  Just one more way hockey's been watered down.

In other hockey news, the Sabres took Game 4 against the Sens to avoid getting swept, which might be more impressive if they weren't the number one seed in the conference and favored by many before the playoffs to win the Cup.  But still: good work, Sabes.  Game 5 is Saturday afternoon in Buffalo for those interested.  Both of you.