A day after Maria Sharapova was upset by a little-known flinty daughter of a Greco-Roman wrestler, another gorgeous tennis star goes down at Wimbledon. And not even on me. 

Serbia's Ana Ivanovic, the no. 1 ranked player both in the world and in my pants, today was upset in straight sets by no. 131 ranked Zheng Jie, who doesn't even have the courtesy to look like Zhang Ziyi. The nerve of these unsexy tennis players!

What reason am I left to watch Wimbledon now? Crazy British reality show star showing her ass and encouraging players to dress alluringly? *Sigh* That'll do.

Ivanovic must have forgotten to give the requisite kisses to her lucky netcord like she did on Wednesday. That'll learn ya, Ana.

For your edification, I've wrapped myself in the stuff. Perhaps a little too tightly. Oh no…passing out…even before…getting arrested for stalking. 

was all pissed about having to fly to Rome to do a mandatory ad shoot for the WTA?  Well, she eventually worked something out and joined fellow stars Ana Ivanovic, Serena Williams, Jelena Jankovic, and, uhhh… some other women in the filming of a commercial that will air this summer during Wimbledon and the U.S. Open (text and video here).

WTA's ad opens with shots of the tennis stars dressed in casual attire in everyday situations. They then each receive phone calls, on sponsor Sony Ericsson's phones, and dash off superhero-like to re-emerge dressed for competition in their tennis outfits.

Yeah, it's supposed to be all superhero-y, but the voiceover definitely gives it a Charlie's Angels vibe.  And I mean that in a good way.  It's a cool 1970s Angels vibe, not a "McG-directed piece of shit after Demi Moore had $500K of plastic surgery" Angels vibe.

(via SbB)

NBA – If you wanted a tightly contested, hard-fought game last night, all you had to do was sit through 52 minutes of lop-sided gameplay and poor officiating. The Lakers went on a 31-9 run after being down 24 points with 7:40 remaining in the 4th quarter to cut the Celtics' lead to 2 with about a minute remaining. Paul Pierce then knocked down some free throws and blocked a Sasha Vujacic 3-pointer to complete the tease and ward off the comeback. Aye, the blue balls. Way to save all the efforts for when games are out of hand, Lakers. Or should I call you… PITTSBURGH PENGUINS! (Cue Dramatic Chipmunk music) That strategy did wonders for them in the Stanley Cup Finals, you know. Boston's Lesser-Known Agent Zero, Leon Powe, had 21 points on 6-of-7 shooting and more free throw attempts than the entire Lakers team. Fake-injured Paul Pierce put in 28 to lead a team that shot 53 percent on a porous Laker defense. It should all prove to be quite the koan for Phil Jackson heading into Game 3 in L.A., which should see the biased officiating shockingly take a turn in their favor. Call it a hunch. 

MLB - The Padres, clad in their retarded camo alternate unis, complete a four-game sweep of the Mets thanks to a 3-run homer by Tony Clark off Billy Wagner. How can you pitch to a guy you can't see?…Joe Crede follows up back-to-back two-homer games with, what? Two more hits and two RBIs in the White Sox 12-2 win over the Twins? But no homers? Guess you can count yourself off the highlight tape…  The Rays have turned their focused ball of hate on themselves, with a dugout spat punctuating a 6-3 loss to the Rangers. Having to share headlines with the Red Sox will do that to you.

French Open – Rafael Nadal is tough to beat on clay, now having won his fourth straight French Open, matching Bjorn Borg and every military force ever for success on French soil. Meanwhile, Ana Ivanovic is easy to beat. Off to, that is! (Swish!) She won her first Grand Slam title Saturday. Winning looks good on you, Ana. As does this pearl necklace. You'll like it. It's organic and shit.

Ana Ivanovic is the first semifinalist in the women's bracket at the French Open after she defeated Patty Schnyder in straight sets today.  Therefore, here's a photo set of her third-round match against Caroline Wozniacki from last weekend.  Why the Wozniacki match and not Schnyder?  Because Wozniacki is more attractive and makes lots of retard faces.  And nothing gets me hotter than a sexy retard.  It's all the best parts of a woman without the persistent nagging and backtalk.  You know how it goes: I have basic human rights… I don't deserve to be treated this way… please let me talk to my family… however much money you want, they'll pay it, blah blah blah.  On and on and on with that stuff.

Remember Papa John's's (so many possessives!) thing with the 23-cent pizza to apologize to LeBron and Cavalier fans?  Yeah, that went down yesterday. How'd it go?  Well, the good news is that there weren't quite reports of rioting.  The bad news is that, dude, it's just fucking 23-cent pizza.  Highlights from WKYC's day of breathless reporting:

12:15 p.m. WKYC.com's Kim Wendel reports that an estimate 1,700 people are in line at the Shaker Heights store. People are parking from as far away as 3 blocks because there is not parking at the restaurant.
1:55 p.m. Police have thrown three "line-jumpers" out from the location in Shaker Heights. People are starting to lose their patience, some walking away without pizza.
2:55 p.m. Channel 3's Eric Mansfield reports that Akron police have been called out to the East Market Street location for unruliness with people pushing and shoving each other.
3:20 p.m. The manager at the Euclid location tells Channel 3's Mike O'Mara that because of the overwhelming demand, it is likely the store will run out of pizzas by 8 p.m. Once the pizza is gone, the promotion ends at the store. There will be no rainchecks given to those remaining in line.
3:36 p.m. A caller from Cuyahoga Falls told Channel 3's Eric Mansfield that they are worried about all the traffic created by the promotion. The caller says "it's insane" out there. The traffic is backed up on State Road across the bridge.
3:45 p.m. WKYC.com's Kim Wendel on site in Shaker Heights just checked with that store's manager who says there are plenty of ingredients on hand that should get that store through to the 11 p.m. promotion deadline. However, the wait in that location is 3 hours. So you'd need to be in line by 8 p.m.
5:20 p.m. Crowds have not diminished. But the businesses in the same area of Papa John's are upset and have posted angry signs in their store windows. Their customers have been unable to get inside because of the enormous line extending from the Papa John's.
6:00 p.m. Police are putting up barricades in the parking lot in front of the Shaker Heights store
9:02 p.m. Papa Johns in Euclid will be serving until 10 p.m. Those that are left standing at 10 will not get a pizza but will receive a raincheck.

You've made our nation proud, Ohio.  May you be the deciding state in all national elections. 

A former Ohio State football player was charged with attempted murder after two police officers were shot last night.  Derrick Foster, a Buckeyes defensive end from 1989 to 1992, allegedly shot the policemen during a drug raid in Columbus.  Both officers' injuries are described as non-life-threatening.

Foster is a code-enforcement supervisor in the city's Development Department, making $29.76 an hour, according to city records. He oversees the Milo-Grogan neighborhood. [...]

As a player he underwent surgery on his knees and shoulder and also suffered from a chronic degenerative condition in his hips.

Considering that the narcotics officers were part of a team to clean up the city's crackhouses, Foster's hips weren't the only things that were degenerative.  Because using crack is a sign of moral bankruptcy, you see.  Basically I'm calling him a bad person.  That's why people like With Leather so much.  Not everyone can handle my edgy viewpoints, like when I come out against doing crack and shooting cops.