Shut up! I told you IT WAS COLD OUTSIDE!!!
The Australian Open began on Sunday, and like any major tournament, the early rounds are the best, because that’s when all the hot chicks are still playing. Um, I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a Venus Williams-Amelie Mauresmo final? **changes channel to infomercial**
Anyway, below you’ll find a gallery that includes (in order) Ana Ivanovic, Maria Kirilenko, Anna Chakvetadze, Caroline Wozniacki, Daniela Hantuchova, the Czech Republic’s Iveta Benesova, and Monika Wejnert of Australia. Wanna know who’s won and lost so far? Too bad, the only results you get here are sexy results.
Oh hey, does anyone know when the men’s tournament starts? Do they even still play it?
Ana Ivanovic is in Australia preparing for the Australian Open (Meh) …by going to the beach! (Yay!) …with her boyfriend, golfer Adam Scott. (Boooo)
Anyway, there are only two pictures of her on the beach, because Australia apparently has the laziest paparazzi on the planet. “Welp, I got my two photos. Time to call it a day.” C’mon, buddy. You’re already scum on the taint of society, don’t mail it in. Being the least intrusive paparazzo is like being the friendliest Nazi. You’re still going to hell, so you may as well stick around and zoom in on that ass.
(fist-pump photos added for excitement)
Over the line, Dude.
Okay, Thanksgiving is in two days. Time for turkey-related sports stories. Up first: Cincinnati’s Turkey Bowl, in which people bowl on an ice rink using turkeys as bowling balls. Why? Because it’s Ohio.
The person with the highest score after three rounds wins $100 cash and “WKRP in Cincinnati” DVDs including the series’ famous “Turkeys Away” episode…
The frozen birds used in Turkey Bowl are discarded store turkeys not intended for anyone’s table.
I think it goes without saying that this would be one thousand percent better with live turkeys.
Here’s tennis hottie Ana Ivanovic with her new boyfriend, Fernando Something. He’s Spanish, he has a fauxhawk, and he’s a tennis pro. And judging by this photo, he also has terrible breath that makes Ana throw up in her hand whenever he gets close to her. Or not:
“It’s true I’m dating Fernando. We met at the US Open, and then it all started,” former world ranked no. 1 said. “At present, we are knowing each other and getting adapted to our relationship. He’s a fantastic guy and I’m very happy with him.”
Whatever. I guess I can’t blame her. I’m off the market so she might as well settle for some pro athlete who kinda looks like Cristiano Ronaldo. Some guy with handsome dark features and a Spanish accent and a sculpted body. The sort of fling young women embark on when they realize they’ll never get their hands on THIS.
**licks finger, places it on ass, makes “SSSSS” noise**
The WTA features such stars like Ana Ivanovic, with her warm smile and natural beauty; Maria Sharapova, with her willowy limbs and blond locks; and Jelena Jankovic, with her… body. But the women’s bodies are covered up, as the tour closes its season with the WTA Championship in Qatar. Thanks, Islam!
Silhouettes instead of photographs, and computer manipulation to conceal thighs: that is how Qatar promoted this week’s season-ending WTA Championship. For years the WTA has appealed to sensuality to sell its stars, but the first experience of a Masters tournament in the Middle East left it with no alternative but to moderate its presentations. [...]
Qatar, which has experienced an opening to Western culture over the past few years, understood that change cannot happen overnight. So on the streets there is no sign of the WTA’s classic advertising posters, showing off the beauty of Serbia’s Ana Ivanovic and company.
I heard an interesting viewpoint from someone who said that, in a way, Islamic culture is more respectful to women because it keeps their bodies covered up, while Western culture exposes and exploits them. And that’s a fair point. What do you say, ladies? Aren’t you tired of voting and having jobs?
HIGH-RES UPDATE: Rockin’ commenter took a break from satisfying women to turn up an image with much excellent-er resolution.
Tennis queen Ana Ivanovic is the latest to don a milk mustache for the iconic “Got Milk?” ad campaign, but God forbid there be a nice high-resolution image of it anywhere on the Internet. Or one where she’s wearing high heels and a garter belt. That would sell some friggin’ milk.
Anyway, the ad says:
Power Serve. I give it my all, so milk’s the perfect match for me. Milk is a great choice after exercise, with protein to help build muscle and a unique mix of nutrients to refuel. So train hard and drink lowfat or fat free milk. That’s what I call a nice return.
So, does anyone have any jokes that DON’T involve breasts or semen? No? Yeah, me neither.
