Here’s the Oakland Raiders’ Tommy Kelly losing his pants after running down Knowshon Moreno of the Denver Broncos, and if this doesn’t get a fine from the NFL’s wardrobe police, nothing will. The Raiders actually won the game, 20-19, after JaMarcus Russell was re-inserted into the game after Charlie Frye got hurt (you didn’t REALLY think they were going to play J.P. Losman, did you?) and threw the game-winning TD pass to wideout Chaz Schilens. Video’s after the jump, and even though we pixelated Kelly’s junk, I’m quite certain that he’s wearing a jock. Which makes me happy that we didn’t get a reverse angle on this. –Awful Announcing.
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A circa 1940 photograph of Joe DiMaggio’s penis is now available for public consumption. This might be the best baseball news I’ve heard all day:

A full-frontal nude of baseball great Joe DiMaggio, showering after a game, is currently on view in the exhibition Hunted and Gathered at the gallery Modernism in San Francisco.

It is part of a collection of quirky, anonymous photographs assembled by Robert Flynn Johnson, curator emeritus of the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco. When asked where he got the photo, Johnson joked, “I have friends in low places.”

We’re not linking the image here. Yeah, I know, it’s exactly what you needed to start your weekend. You can check it out over there and evaluate your own manhood accordingly. This reminds me of the batting stance silhouette of Sadaharu Oh that I read about in the Japanese baseball hall of fame once. Only this American counterpart comes off as more dickish. Or less, I guess. Damn, how cold was that water, anyway? via, via.

A teacher in Florida claims she has been let go because of her side job as a "bikini girl" on fishing cruises.  Tiffany Shepherd, a 30-year-old high school biology teacher, says that her work with Smokin Em Charters has cost her her job.  From the Daily Mail:

The 30-year-old blonde… performs the usual duties of a ship's mate, but wears a bikini and fetches drinks and sandwiches for the men on board. She took the job three weeks ago to help support her three young sons following a divorce. "I can make $600 in two days' fishing," she said. "That's a week's pay for me."

Smokin' Em Charters,… has pictures of some of the bikini mates on its website – many of them partially nude – and says the only job requirement is to look "hot in a bikini" [...]

[School officials] insist Ms Shepherd's boat job is nothing to do with their decision to let her go – and that she has missed more than 30 days of school this year. "She just doesn't come to work," said Susan Ranew, assistant human resources chief for the district. "We did not know about her second job until after she received her notice of non-renewal."

Just one more case in the long history of injustices against good-looking people.  Is it our fault that the demand is so high for good-looking people in jobs where the job is to be good-looking? Shouldn't making the world less ugly give a teacher the right to miss every sixth day of teaching Florida schoolchildren?  I mean, c'mon: it's Florida.  It's not like those kids are gonna be rocket scientists or the president.  Which is good, because this country will always need grave-diggers and strippers.  Not that those two jobs are necessarily related, heh heh.

(thanks to Maj for the link) 

Badass commenter Hercules Rockerfeller points us in the direction of James McDonough, Florida's former prison secretary who described the prisons in America's Wang as being rife with corruption, drunken orgies, and an obsession with softball leagues so severe that steroid use became problematic.

"Corruption had gone to an extreme," McDonough said, saying it all began at the top. "They seemed to be drunk half the time and had orgies the other half, when they weren't taking money and beating each other up."   He added, "Women were treated like chattel in this department."

McDonough described a bizarre prison culture among those that ran the system — one that he says seemed obsessed with inter-department softball games and the orgies after games. "I cannot explain how big an obsession softball had become," he said. "People were promoted on the spot after a softball game at the drunken party to high positions in the department because they were able to hit a softball out of the park a couple times… The connection between the softball and the parties and the corruption and the beatings was greatly intertwined."

The parties and orgies were often carried out at a waterfront ranch house built on prison grounds for a former warden with taxpayer dollars, McDonough said. The house was complete with a bar, pool table and hot tub.

Greatest prison system ever?  Greatest prison system ever.  Your move, Ohio.

Ahhh, Florida.  America's Wang.  It's been too long since you graced us at With Leather with your presence.  That's why I want to thank "Kevin Shelton" for this hilariously botched robbery:

A man walked in at about 2 p.m. and slipped the teller a note that said, "$30,000 are else. Have a nice day." The money was booby-trapped… and when it exploded the robber dropped a pile of red-stained $5 and $10 bills. [...]

You know you're dealing with elite criminal minds when they don't even bother with differentiating between verbs and conjunctions. Their only language?  Ruthless violence.  After the dye mishap, our villain sought shelter in a nearby salon:

[Shelton] told the stylist he wanted a manicure and a new mane of hair like Johnny Depp's in the movie "Blow." "I told him we couldn't do the extensions," said the stylist, Erin Winick, 32. "I said it was impossible. It takes too long." [...}

"He was telling me that he was a football player for the Arizona Cardinals and he's here painting boats," Winick said. "I thought, isn't it football season now? Some people just make up stuff, so I don't judge."

Wow.  Suddenly "$30,000 are else" isn't the dumbest thing about this guy.  That couldn't have been easy to trump.  You really have to work to be that dumb.  Or spend five minutes on the set of NFL Countdown.

[Deadspin] 

Yesterday we learned that Ohio can has tight-assed school administrators who are terrified of the notion of students wearing body paint to support the school.  Today, predictably: Florida.

Yes, the two bikini-clad seventeen-year-old seniors pictured here were ejected from Manatee High's big game, while similarly decked-out males were allowed to stay.  Why, you ask?  Well, why does everything I write about happen?  Because people are fucking douchebags.

School district policy states that it is up to administrators to decide whether something is appropriate or not and in this case, the principal decided that the girls' outfits were not appropriate. Once the girls came in, there were a number of people who came up to the principal, the assistant principal and other school administrators who were very upset over their appearance, school spokeswoman Margi Nanney said. "We have never had complaints about the men or the boys."

My God, I can only imagine the thousands of dollars the school saved by preventing the riots these two girls surely would have caused.  The girls are dressed so provocatively!  They surely would have been raped — nay, torn limb from limb! — had school officials not bravely acted on their behalf when asshole parents came bitching to them.