did I do that

This week, With Leather’s semi-weekly look at the best sports moments from not-sports television shows goes back to its 80s roots to chronicle the jet pack rope climbs, Bushwhacker tag team matches and Grandmama slam dunks of ABC’s TGIF founding father ‘Family Matters.’ You may remember it best as “that show Urkel was on.” Consider it a spiritual sequel to our Full House list.

If you watched the show, you’ll remember these moments. If you didn’t, you should find enough insurmountable 80s/90s cheese in Reginald VelJohnson ALONE to satiate you. So sit back, relax, and repeatedly click the “next” button for the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Family Matters.’ No sweat, my pet!

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The very first show featured in our Sports On TV column was ‘Saved By The Bell,’ and with good reason. It’s one of those shows we’ve all seen whether we like it or not, and face it, you can’t spell “Internet” without ‘Saved By The Bell.’

Saved By The Bell’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments featured so many of the classics — Zack becoming an Indian to deal with track team stress, girls on the wrestling team, wheelchair basketball, Zack hitting a soon-to-be-dead-from-oil-spillage duck with a baseball — but it didn’t feature them all. It’s only fitting that the first part 2 entrant in Sports on TV history would be 15 MORE great sports moments from the show.

So, please click through to enjoy sports moments 21-35 from ‘Saved By The Bell.’ Warning: there is a lot of spooning-disguised-as-instruction gags in these entries. A LOT.

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Thanks to golden-voiced hobo sensation Ted Williams, the media has been locked in on vagrant diamonds in the rough. And while it doesn’t quite match the brilliance of sending a reporter out to make homeless people sing, AOL News recently discovered that Debbie Clark is homeless. If you’re like me, you’re fluent in every romantic language, but you also just asked, “Who is Debbie Clark?” She was Storm on “American Gladiators” from 1991-93 and an Olympic handball competitor. And don’t say, “Ohhhh…” because you didn’t know that.

Storm has been homeless in San Diego for over 2 years, after she left South Carolina due to a situation of domestic violence. She describes how things were great during her 3-year run on the original “Gladiators”, as she made $1,500 per episode and rubbed elbows with celebrities. But that all came to an end when she blew out her ACL and she never recovered properly…

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Most of you remember Dan Clark as “Nitro,” the ravishing musclehead from the original American Gladiators show. Clark, who serves as a consultant for the newer incarnation of that show, is now doing publicity for his memoir, titled Gladiator: A True Story of ‘Roids, Rage and Redemption, which I guess recounts the ten minutes of his life that he was remotely well-known. Doing a publicity tour like that has to be great fun, especially when you’re rehashing the time of your life that you grew breasts and your testicles shrank from steroid abuse.

“I hate[d] taking off my shirt. For photo shoots, [I'd] wet my nipple with spit . . . [to] look firm instead of hanging down.”

As he shot seven seasons of “American Gladiators” from 1989 to 1996, he pleaded with the wardrobe stylist to make him a new uniform, but didn’t tell her it was “to hide my budding breasts.” He eventually underwent reduction surgery.

Clark, a former LA Rams defensive lineman, used steroids for 20 years. They also took their toll on his private parts, so much so that he embarrassingly had to explain to women what was going on. “My [balls] never really regained their size. They’re kind of shriveled,” he sadly told one bedmate.

Nitro? More like Micro! High five! I can’t believe that guy was on steroids. I just thought he had great genetics and a solid workout program. I wonder how effective that “I’m on steroids” excuse really is in the bedroom. It’s surely better than “I’m a blogger and am morally opposed to exercise.” Girls always hog the blankets, anyway.

[NYPost via GameOn, whose balls are always large and firm]

Dunt dudda dunt dunt da, da da dut dah!  Dunt dudda dunt dunt da, Dadda da dadda da da! If you could read my booze-addled mind, you'd know that was the sound of the American Gladiators theme song. That's right, American Gladiators is coming back!

Not to be confused with the Russell Crowe epic or the porn classic Glad-he-ate-her, American Gladiators was a 90s TV show that pitted two teams of male and female competitors against "Gladiators" with names like "Ice" and "Turbo", in hilarious, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge-style obstacle courses. It's a little known fact that your mother was also briefly a Gladiator who competed under the name "Queef."

[The show's prodcer] said he was particularly interested in the original U.K. version of "Gladiators," which focused even more on the characters and the behind-the-scenes stories of common folk going up against the show's powerful stars. The new "Gladiators," he said, "will have the scale, scope, different characters and family drama that the U.K. version had."

Oh great, they're turning it into a reality show.  Hey asshole, less "Boo hoo, my baby has leukemia", more "Guy getting shot in the nuts with a tennis ball cannon.

Editor's note: This post was written by Lance Martini of FilmDrunk. Be sure to go over there so you can make fun of the people who actually know who directed Can't Hardly Wait.