Chris Weidman asking Santa Claus for a win over Tom Lawlor on Saturday at UFC 139 is funny enough, but Santa not knowing what that is and thinking “MMA” means military is the stuff of legend. That’s the downside of being stuck up at the North Pole negotiating the theories of light-speed travel and using slave labor to make Christmas Holiday toys all year, you don’t get to keep up with what’s happening on TUF.

Maggie Hendricks at Cagewriter provides a thorough analysis:

Santa has no idea what the UFC is, but that’s OK. He’s pretty busy this time of year, so he doesn’t know that Weidman is 6-0. The elves didn’t tell him that Weidman won his last bout in a first-round guillotine, and that he is bringing excellent wrestling skills into the cage against Lawlor.

The opposite of this video would be funny, too. Imagine Cain Velasquez sitting on the Easter Bunny’s lap at his local mall and asking for a victory, only to have the Bunny be all, “whatever, you need to challenge more, I’m a symbol of pagan fertility, not a miracle worker”. And come to think of it, I want all of our folkloric heroes to be knowledgeable about mixed-martial arts. Next time I lose a tooth, I’m putting it under my pillow alongside some Bellator predictions and see if the Tooth Fairy thinks I’m full of sh*t for picking Chandler over Alvarez.

The Wisconsin Badgers travel to the well-lit Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome today to take on the mighty Minnesota Golden Gophers to renew the oldest and most-played rivalry in Division I-A football.  Of course they will play for Paul Bunyan's Ax because these states have nothing redeeming and are forced to compete for imaginary implements.  They used to play for a slab of bacon, but that part of the country is much more health conscious now. If you thought they were just a region of worthless fat fucks, you were wrong.  And the girls – top notch. Why don't they have any other Tall Tale college football trophies? Who wouldn't love to see a game for John Henry's hammer, Sally Hemmings' enchanted petticoat, or Joseph Smith's magic golden tablets? In other Big Ten Trophy action today:

• The Sweet Sioux Tomahawk: Northwestern vs. Illinois – The Fightin' Illini appear to be in line for the win and also appear to enjoy pissing off Indians.
• The Old Oaken Bucket: Purdue vs. Indiana – Interestingly, this  bucket is not referred to as "old" in the state of Indiana. This simple pail represents the height of technological advancement to the Boilermakers and Hoosiers.
• The Land Grant Trophy: Penn State vs. Michigan State – lame.

Oh yeah, Ohio State is playing Michigan for the trophy they compete for nearly every year – the Big Ten Championship trophy. -KD