Here's Olympic champion swimmer and Playboy model Amanda Beard in Hawaii for a photo shoot, cavorting and frolicking with her boyfriend, who may or may not be the lead guy from that sit-com Yes, Dear.  And judging by the spider web tattoo on his elbow, the guy from Yes Dear is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood and killed a minority in prison.  Either that, or he's a poseur who just got a tattoo because he thought it looked neat.  I'm not sure, but I think the former is less offensive than the latter.

Since most of the people who comment on this site are personal trainers to the world's sexiest celebrities, they tend to be pretty harsh on women who are anything less than physically perfect in every way.  So I've seen every put-down there possibly is for Amanda Beard: she looks like a horse, she looks like a tranny, her face looks like a skull… and yeah, I guess all of those are true to an extent.  But you have to admit, if you had to skull-fuck a transsexual horse — I mean had to — you'd be pretty lucky if it looked as good as Amanda Beard.

Nothing's going on, so here are HD screen grabs of Amanda Beard on Letterman the other night (YouTube of it here).  SI.com also has a Q & A with her, during which she reveals that (a) she has a boyfriend, (b) the biggest celebrity in her Blackberry is… Frankie Muniz?, (c) the person she admires most in sports is Karl Malone, and (d) what the fuck?  Karl Malone?  I used to think she was awesome. (Editor's note: actually, she's still awesome.)

Oh, and because everybody wants to see them, the photos from her Playboy spread are HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE (first four NSFW-ish), HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE (last five NSFW).  You'll find that there's some unfortunate and excessive airbrushing, but there's plenty of nipply, toned-body goodness as well.  Happy Friday everyone!

(Much thanks to Rocco, who pointed out where I could find the Playboy spread.  Of course, he was too lazy to provide me any links, but he gave me directions there.  He's like a treasure map, but less specific!  And more handsome, of course.)

NAKED UPDATE: The rest of the NSFW Beard spread (heh, "beard spread")… HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE.  Props go to commenter "JC" at WWTDD.

Damn those charming PR flacks!  They know exactly how to manipulate me.  Would I like to meet Amanda Beard?  C'mon!  Does the pope shit in the woods?

Anyway, I was going to have 289 Photoshop an entirely different address and time — Friday night!  8 p.m.!  The Brooklyn Navy Yard! — but I'll play nice with Playboy's PR team.  You can wait in line with all the other "swimming enthusiasts" at the Times Square Virgin Megastore next Thursday.  But don't expect Amanda to sign your chest.  Trust me, I already asked.

Timed Finals cites a "reliable source" in announcing that three-time Olympian and seven-time medalist Amanda Beard will be posing nude in Playboy next month.  In case there's been some confusion about site policy, I am officially in favor of Amanda getting photographed not wearing clothes, what with her being being universally recognized as the sexiest thing to get in a pool since I nearly drowned at my last calendar shoot.  Even though it will probably only be a topless photo spread, it's still a hell of a lot more than those tennis bitches have ever given us.

Naturally, some ugly bitch is pissed.

What upsets some people like Dr. Mary Jo Kane, director of the Tucker Center for Research on Girls & Women in Sport at the University of Minnesota, as she told the New York Daily News, is that “It used to be that female athletes were portrayed as wholesome, All-American girls.  Now you get female athletes in GQ, Playboy and the Swimsuit issue. The result of it is coverage that is very damaging—that trivializes and marginalizes women athletes because it does not give them the respect they deserve as competent athletes.”

What's so damaging, fatass?  Increased exposure and more money from marketing deals?  Man, if I had known that people being attracted to you was a negative thing, I'd have terrible self-esteem.  But I'm sure Amanda and I will get through it together.  Love conquers all.  But only if that love is hot sex between beautiful people.