Are we sure the dad didn’t beat his son for playing hopscotch? According to reports, a Kentucky teacher (who probably has insider information about the eventual inclusion of hopscotch as an Olympic event) allegedly whupped his son for hopscotching at nowhere close to optimum performance levels. Now if you think about it, the dad may actually be looking out for his son in this situation. Where do YOU think all of the elementary school girls hang out, dodgeball and four square? Great hopscotching fundamentals is key to getting laid in elementary school. Trust me, I…didn’t hopscotch much.
A middle-school teacher faces a felony abuse charge after Boone County Sheriff’s Office investigators allege he beat his 5-year-old son with a belt on the Fourth of July “because the boy was not playing hopscotch to his satisfaction.” Christopher Robison, 46, of Union, is facing a Class C felony criminal abuse charge.
The incident occurred around 3 p.m. at Robison’s home and caused “severe bruising” to his son, according to Scheben.
“He is suspended pending an internal investigation,” Poe said. “We need to find out more information.” -NKY
THIS IS THE FOURTH OF JULY, DAMMIT! MAKE YOUR NATION PROUD! Would George Washington half-ass it at hopscotch!? You’re hitting all the lines! I was a 3rd-team all county linebacker as a senior and I create this dreck of a son!?!? Heaven knows how horrible you’re going to be at jumping rope!
BUT WAIT! You haven’t heard Robison’s side of the story. According to him this is all a ruse by his ex-wife to make him look like an abusive imbecile who’s obsessed with success at playground games. Read the rest of this entry »