I want to straighten out a few things about Allison Stokke and this tangled web of newfound celebrity.

• I maintain that the key to what makes Miss Stokke an intriguing figure is that she's damn good at her sport.  In my experience, most sports fans prefer Maria Sharapova to Anna Kournikova.  Yes, both are attractive, but Sharapova is actually good, and that's why she matters.  Likewise, I wish Miss Stokke the best in her sporting endeavours.  I would love to care about pole vaulting.

• A lot of people seem to be up in arms about With Leather "making" her a celebrity.  If it hadn't been this site, it would have been someone else, and it would have happened sooner rather than later.  In fact, Barstool Sports claims that they'd already "written an entire book" about her by the time I got to the story.  I'm sorry I never got the chance to read it; I'm sure it was excellent.

• How would I feel if it were my daughter that got this unwanted attention?  Well, I don't know.  I'd like to think I'd feel fortunate that my daughter was a record-breaking athlete and honors student with no physical or mental deformities.  It's 2007, people: time to realize that attractive women athletes will always be recognized and — yes, sometimes — obsessed over.  Is it right or wrong?  I don't know.  But it's reality.

To the Stokkes: if you'd like this post removed, please just contact me.  You don't have to be mean or anything.  We all have jobs that can get ugly, but that doesn't make us bad people.

Long-time reader Jim — who may or may not have killed a man in prison — alerted me this morning to an Internet sensation that's building a frightening head of steam: meet pole vaulter Allison Stokke (pronounced "stow-key," I believe).  Hubba hubba and other grunting sounds.

Why is this particular head of steam frightening, you ask?  Well, as best as I can tell from my rudimentary Internet sleuthing, Allison turned 18 less than two months ago, and she's still a senior at Newport Harbor, which last time I checked — and I check often — is a high school.  Writing these kinds of posts are precisely why I keep getting mysterious, threatening voicemails from someone that sounds like Chris Hansen.  "I'll get you, Ufford!"  "You disgust me, sicko!"  "Seriously, put some pants on."  Et cetera and so on.

Oh, and there's also this: Miss Stokke is one of the best young pole vaulters in the country.  She set the U.S. record for a freshman girl at 12'8", and her present personal best is a couple inches off the best high school girls mark.  So, that's why I'm honoring her with a post.  Because she's an exceptional athlete.  Yes.

Oh, and if this YouTube interview is any indication, she takes pole vaulting so seriously that she's unable to detect sarcasm.  Which is too bad, because missing sarcastic remarks ends our steamy, illicit romance before it's even begun.  That, and the age difference.  And the restraining order.

UPDATE: Please go HERE for more pics and some insight into this phenomenon.