Kansas City Royals starter Zack Greinke made his first All-Star team. The rosters for the Mid-Summer Waste Of Time have been released, and Greinke, whose waif-like 2.00 ERA made him a lock for selection, or one would have assumed. But stealing some of Greinke’s press is Red Sox knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. He throws knuckleballs. Knuckle. Balls. Heh. From Y! Sports:

“He’s meant so much not only to the Red Sox but to the rest of baseball,” Francona said. “He’s going to be introduced in St. Louis next week and he’s going to be one of the prouder guys.”

I just heard John Kruk on Van Pelt’s show say that, outside of one’s first appearance, playing in the All-Star Game is a pain in the ass, as it involves taking on things that players would rather not do, and that’s fine. I really think, in this highlight reel era of sports coverage, that the All-Star Game is outdated. Just scrap it because nobody cares. The best recourse? Fly all of the would-be All-Stars to Miami next year and make them play the AFC in the Pro Bowl. At least that way Adam Dunn has a chance of hitting something.

Another NBA All-Star Weekend come and gone, and that makes two years in a row without an NFL player getting involved in a strip club shooting.  Baby steps, All-Star Weekend.  Baby steps.

• All-Star Game: West beats East 146-119.  Shaq and Kobe named co-MVPs for sentimental reasons.
• Saturday: Kevin Durant got four quick letters but rallied to win the HORSE competition, Derrick Rose won the always-boring skills contest, Daequan Cook kept Jason Kapono from a 3-point threepeat, and Nate Robinson’s “kryptonite” theme earned him the win in an especially crappy dunk contest.
• Friday: Durant’s record of 46 points lifted the sophomores in a closely-contested Rookie Challenge.
• Style watch: Allen Iverson shaved his braids!  Shaq danced!  And I don’t care if he has six stitches in his face, Dwyane Wade’s series of Nelly-Aids this week should be good for several months’ worth of derision.  As opposed to Nelly-AIDS, which lasts a lifetime.

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If the Super Bowl is the climax of the NFL season, then the Pro Bowl is that last swipe of the buttcrack before football season looks around the room for all of its clothes and discreetly plots its exit before the woman wakes up. Really all that happened is that the best players in the game put on the worst uniforms in the game and Larry Fitzgerald made the Cardinals look like idiots for not utilizing him more in the first half of the Super Bowl two weekends ago. I guess the NFC won or something. It’s hard to believe that the Super Bowl was only eight days ago. But then again, the corpse of that homeless guy dangling from my balcony just came out of rigor mortis, so I guess that’s about right.

Earlier this week TNT revealed that for the first time, NBA players would play a game of HORSE during All-Star weekend.  Except the problem was, horses weren’t gonna pay them any money to play the game.  Those stupid animals aren’t even a corporation!  Enter GEICO.

Sports are often made for TV. And TV is made for advertisers. So it shouldn’t surprise — especially as all sports are scrambling to find new places to hang “for sale” signs given the current economy — that the NBA’s first H-O-R-S-E contest won’t use those letters.

As that contest joins dunking and three-point shooting contests as part of TNT’s NBA All-Star Weekend coverage, the as-yet unnamed three contestants — who’ll be overseen by an NBA ref — will play G-E-I-C-O. As in the insurance company that will be the event’s unavoidable sponsor.

No, that’s a great idea.  Maybe they could just get rid of the NBA players altogether.  Have the lizard and the two cavemen play the game.  Shit, just play commercials for half an hour.  Maybe see if they can stamp “GEICO” into the dump they’re taking on my childhood memories of the game, too.

[First Cuts]

Satisfying the demands of at least one person, a game of H-O-R-S-E has been added to the NBA’s All-Star Weekend in Phoenix.

TNT today announced the addition of the popular basketball shot-making game H-O-R-S-E to its programming lineup during its four days of NBA All-Star 2009 coverage… The H-O-R-S-E game will air live during TNT’s two-hour Inside the NBA (5 – 7 p.m. ET) on Saturday, February 14.

Honestly, this news would barely register with me if I hadn’t read Bill Simmons’s constant demands for such a game over the years.  I’m sure he’ll approach this triumph with modesty and deflect any and all attention away from himself.  Except, um, the exact opposite of that.

Hockey’s All-Stars met in Montreal for a wild weekend of skills contests, an All-Star Game, and cheap bed dances at the lewdest strip clubs in all of North America. Unfortunately, the last part wasn’t televised, so I’ve only got the clip of the shootout that ended the All-Star Game. The East ended up winning 12-11 after Alex Ovechkin sneaked the puck past Tim Thomas, who I could have sworn played in the NBA. (EDIT: Luongo, not Thomas. Apparently I wasn’t paying attention to the clip. Shocking, I know)

Hometown Canadiens star Alex Kovalev took MVP honors, scoring twice during the game and once more during the shootout. Twenty-seven other players also notched a point in the game, marking the first time that I’ve known how many players got a point in an NHL All-Star Game.