SITE NEWS: I’ll be on Walkoff Walk tonight as a guest live-blogger for the Home Run Derby Tonight. That starts at…8? Let’s say 8.

Nobody wants to play in it. Nobody wants to watch it. Nobody’s happy with which players made the team and which didn’t. And the jerseys they make for this thing are uglier than any shirt Chris Berman has ever worn on the golf course. Wouldn’t the whole mission of an All-Star Break be better suited if…there was an actual break? No? All right, then allow me to offer the following alternatives to make these three days more fun for everyone.

ASYLUM POLL: Do you care about the MLB All-Star Game?

1. Make it an international game. Take one MLB team and pit it against one of Japan’s Nippon League teams, who typically have their All-Star game around the same time of year. Make it an MLB team that either made or narrowly missed the playoffs the previous year. If Japan wins, then we hold all seven games of the World Series in Japan.

2. Make it a money game. ESPN anchor and noted otter owner John Buccigross had this idea for the NHL: Dump 15 million dollars on the field behind home plate and say, “Come and get it. Winners take all.” Play with 25-man rosters and the AL and NL coaching staffs that lost their respective championship games the previous year. Fill the teams like unions do–based on seniority. You don’t want to play? Fine. Give another guy a crack at the cash.

3. Play Flag Football instead. Football’s more awesome than baseball anyway. And yet softball is more awesome than football. Maybe they should play softball. With a big keg of Bud Light right next to the pitcher’s mound. Bud Light probably has a better ERA than Tim Wakefield, anyway.

It’s official: after a month of speculation, Manna Acta has been relieved from duty has manager of Major League Baseball’s most exciting team, which is also coincidentally its most bad. It should be noted that Acta had to fire his entire coaching staff to ensure his return for 2009, but with a 26-61 record heading into the All-Star Break, the writing was on the wall. From SI.com:

“I thank the Nationals for giving me this opportunity and I’m sorry that things didn’t work out as expected. It’s normal for the manager to pay the price when the team is not doing well,” Acta said.

A 5-0 loss at Houston on Sunday was Washington’s seventh in 10 games. The Nationals rank last in the NL with a 5.21 ERA and they have committed the most errors in the majors (82).

I’ve said before that, with horrendous pitching and a 3-4-5 lineup that rivals any other team on paper, that one couldn’t find a better team to watch than the Nationals. It’s only fair to fire Acta if you’ve also fired the team’s baserunning guru, grounds crew, uniform manufacturer, charity liason, director of bobbleheads and meteorologist. Because this franchise is a colossal clusterfugg from the top down. But you don’t have to start winning games for me, Nationals. I love you just the way you are, losing games by scores of 10-8, 9-7, and the occasional 5-0. I can only hope the second half is better. I mean worse. Okay, I’ll settle for “as bad.” I’m not picky.

Kansas City Royals starter Zack Greinke made his first All-Star team. The rosters for the Mid-Summer Waste Of Time have been released, and Greinke, whose waif-like 2.00 ERA made him a lock for selection, or one would have assumed. But stealing some of Greinke’s press is Red Sox knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. He throws knuckleballs. Knuckle. Balls. Heh. From Y! Sports:

“He’s meant so much not only to the Red Sox but to the rest of baseball,” Francona said. “He’s going to be introduced in St. Louis next week and he’s going to be one of the prouder guys.”

I just heard John Kruk on Van Pelt’s show say that, outside of one’s first appearance, playing in the All-Star Game is a pain in the ass, as it involves taking on things that players would rather not do, and that’s fine. I really think, in this highlight reel era of sports coverage, that the All-Star Game is outdated. Just scrap it because nobody cares. The best recourse? Fly all of the would-be All-Stars to Miami next year and make them play the AFC in the Pro Bowl. At least that way Adam Dunn has a chance of hitting something.

Another NBA All-Star Weekend come and gone, and that makes two years in a row without an NFL player getting involved in a strip club shooting.  Baby steps, All-Star Weekend.  Baby steps.

• All-Star Game: West beats East 146-119.  Shaq and Kobe named co-MVPs for sentimental reasons.
• Saturday: Kevin Durant got four quick letters but rallied to win the HORSE competition, Derrick Rose won the always-boring skills contest, Daequan Cook kept Jason Kapono from a 3-point threepeat, and Nate Robinson’s “kryptonite” theme earned him the win in an especially crappy dunk contest.
• Friday: Durant’s record of 46 points lifted the sophomores in a closely-contested Rookie Challenge.
• Style watch: Allen Iverson shaved his braids!  Shaq danced!  And I don’t care if he has six stitches in his face, Dwyane Wade’s series of Nelly-Aids this week should be good for several months’ worth of derision.  As opposed to Nelly-AIDS, which lasts a lifetime.

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If the Super Bowl is the climax of the NFL season, then the Pro Bowl is that last swipe of the buttcrack before football season looks around the room for all of its clothes and discreetly plots its exit before the woman wakes up. Really all that happened is that the best players in the game put on the worst uniforms in the game and Larry Fitzgerald made the Cardinals look like idiots for not utilizing him more in the first half of the Super Bowl two weekends ago. I guess the NFC won or something. It’s hard to believe that the Super Bowl was only eight days ago. But then again, the corpse of that homeless guy dangling from my balcony just came out of rigor mortis, so I guess that’s about right.

Earlier this week TNT revealed that for the first time, NBA players would play a game of HORSE during All-Star weekend.  Except the problem was, horses weren’t gonna pay them any money to play the game.  Those stupid animals aren’t even a corporation!  Enter GEICO.

Sports are often made for TV. And TV is made for advertisers. So it shouldn’t surprise — especially as all sports are scrambling to find new places to hang “for sale” signs given the current economy — that the NBA’s first H-O-R-S-E contest won’t use those letters.

As that contest joins dunking and three-point shooting contests as part of TNT’s NBA All-Star Weekend coverage, the as-yet unnamed three contestants — who’ll be overseen by an NBA ref — will play G-E-I-C-O. As in the insurance company that will be the event’s unavoidable sponsor.

No, that’s a great idea.  Maybe they could just get rid of the NBA players altogether.  Have the lizard and the two cavemen play the game.  Shit, just play commercials for half an hour.  Maybe see if they can stamp “GEICO” into the dump they’re taking on my childhood memories of the game, too.

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