Well, we started the day with some fun Chicago Cubs news and my semi-feigned disappointment that Nick “Ron Swanson” Offerman is a lifelong Cubs fan, so why not pile on with some more North Side news? Because this one might sting a little.

Sony released a new commercial for MLB 12: The Show today, and while the theme is admittedly clever and surprisingly beautiful, I just can’t help but think that it’s like pushing a burn victim into a sand pit. The video – that you can view after the jump in case you’re impatient and don’t feel like reading one of my patented build-ups – sets the scene of the Cubs winning a World Series for the first time in a bazillion, jillion, zillion 104 years, and I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make this Cardinals fan a little misty just thinking about what could be.

Then I felt warm so I tapped Alfonso Soriano on the shoulder and he started swinging his bat to cool me off. Hooray for baseball season!

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This Ride Will Be The Death Of You.

That’s Final Destination 3‘s tagline, because it is about a roller coaster that kills you. The roller coaster crash in that movie takes about nine minutes, making it the longest f**king roller coaster of all time.

Anyway, so arrives the third and final (until the sequel) installment of guest writer Bill Hanstock’s SFinal Destination series. We’ve spent seven-plus years portraying Giants fans as the butt of a horse, so hopefully this will catch on with San Fran Fans and open up a world of new ideas, such as the Giants dying in an airplane and the Giants dying on a freeway. In case you missed our updates on Friday, our updates yesterday AND today’s Morning Links, please read Part 1 and Part 2 before clicking through.

Then, click through. Today’s HAUNTING Dugout THRILLRIDE~ is after the jump.

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In baseball news that doesn’t make a lot of sense, Washington Nationals manager Jim Riggleman has decided he hates baseball and would rather have no money than less of it. The synopsis, from NBC’s Hardball Talk.

Just minutes after the Nationals beat the Mariners with a walk-off sacrifice fly in a 1-0 game to move above .500 manager Jim Riggleman announced his resignation. According to general manager Mike Rizzo this morning Riggleman expressed displeasure about his contract, which includes a 2012 option that the Nationals haven’t picked up, and said he would step down from the job if it wasn’t handled by the end of this afternoon’s game.

It wasn’t and he did. What an odd situation, particularly with the Nationals playing their best baseball in … well, ever. Riggleman was clearly extremely frustrated by the entire situation, but to quit 75 games into the season, with the team winning 11 of their last 12 games, is shocking.

I eliminated some of the paragraph breaks, but you get the idea. Be sure to read about the first manager to resign in a Dugout this week, then read today’s, which follows the jump.

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Alfonso Soriano enters the third year of his mighty 136 million dollar deal this season, so it’s understandable that he’d have a bit of coin to throw away on something frivolous. But this, a Cubs Blue Hummer with…a lot of speakers in it. I never understood the point of a car stereo system for making other people listen to your music. But being a jagoff millionaire athlete means never having to say you’re sorry. But consider that, even with depreciation, this investment panned out better than anything he would have had in the stock market at this point. Although when you consider what he spent at the pump, it’s probably a wash.

|Big League Stew, via Home Run Derby|

With Leather reader Nik took a break from entertaining a crowd of women the other weekend in Chicago when he saw Cubs outfielder Alfonso Soriano drive up.  And by "drive up" I mean "get chauffeured by one of his friends."

As you can see, Soriano has a stately but understated chariot, something that offers him comfort without drawing too much attention to himself.  It's certainly no Crown Vic on 26s, but it's a little nicer than my ride.  What I like about mine, though, is that I can get drunk and still get home without the law messing with me.  Cops are always up in my bizness, hasslin' me 'cause I look so good.  They're handsomist, I'm telling you.