I’ve prepared separate intro blurbs, depending on who you are. Find the one that is most appropriate for you!

I Don’t Watch Glee: I know, I know. Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV, featuring the first show I’ve ever watched specifically for the benefit of the column, FOX’s ‘Glee’. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a show your niece probably watched two or three years ago about a glee club at a Lima, Ohio, high school who interpret their feelings via reality-warping musical numbers. If you’ve never seen it and know what it is, yeah, it’s not great. However, if you’re a regular reader of the column, you’ll hopefully have a little faith in my writing/ability to write aggressively about stuff that sucks, so take a look through this one anyway. You’ll find a lot of funny jokes, a few pictures of hot girls and at least one video of zombie football players. That’s something, right?

I Watch Glee, And I Love It: Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV column, wherein I rag on that show you like because it’s not aimed at my intelligence level or demographic. Please read through the moments I’ve selected, tear apart any inaccuracies in my analysis, and show it to all of your friends so they can do the same. Make it really virally popular so nobody who likes ‘Glee’ will ever come here again!

I Watch Glee (Or Have Watched Glee) And Do Not Like It: You’re probably going to love this.

So please click through and enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Glee’. *unnecessary bell ringing sound*

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With 14 games remaining, the New York Yankees are clinging to a shocking half-game lead over the Baltimore Orioles in the AL East race. Granted, if the Yankees lose that lead, they’ll still be sitting comfortable in a Wild Card spot, but even with a loss to the Toronto Blue Jays today, New York would still be tied for first, as the O’s have the day off. Bunch of lazy jerks.

On Monday, though, the Yankees had the day off, which allowed superstar third baseman Alex Rodriguez a little “me” time to hit the town and take in some culture. Specifically, A-Rod was hitting up the museums to eye f*ck some art, as he posted the above image to his Facebook account on Monday.

What a great day off, admired lots of great art… Including this gorgeous Basquiat!

The work in question that Rodriguez was admiring is “Pegasus”, a 1987 work by famed graffiti artist Jean-Michel Basquiat, who was, of course, one of Andy Warhol’s protégés and close friends. He was also the subject of the 1996 film, Basquiat, starring Jeffrey Wright. I often told my friends that I loved that movie, but I was a stupid kid and didn’t actually understand it.

I bet A-Rod gets Basquiat, because he’s always been a classy son-of-a-gun, and to further prove that point, I actually followed him around as he admired plenty of other things on his day off. How exactly did I manage to follow him without being noticed and, as some people might point out, that I “wasn’t even in New York at any point in my life”? I learned from the master himself.

After the jump, check out the amazing sites that A-Rod spent his Monday off checking out. Also, I think the guy might be kind of a pervert.

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Taiwan’s Next Media Animation has really gone above and beyond with their latest effort, calmly titled, “New York Yankees 2012 season goes off the rails”. Taiwan Animation generally sticks to recapping major stories with a keen sarcastic eye for the absurdity of truth, but now they’re in the predictions game, and that game includes saying C.C. Sabathia has gained so much weight that whenever he goes to the beach “Greenpeace tries to drag his ass back into the water”. They are not playing around.

I hate the Yankees as much as the next guy, but no part of “tied for first in the AL East with the Baltimore Orioles” necessitates the entire New York infield playing with the aid of walkers or calling Derek Jeter an “overrated singles slapper”. I don’t know if these things are written by committee or just by random dudes on the Internet approached by violent strangers in pig masks a la the Saw movie franchise, but man, this is extra harsh. Consider that Tampa is five games back on September 17 and … wait, am I trying to rationalize this with stats? F**k New York and their pirate ship adventures.

If New York wins the division, I’ll expect a full retraction from Next Media Animation. I also expect it to be bat-shit insane.

Forbes magazine today released their annual The World’s Most Powerful Celebrities, a top 100 list that ranks stars based on press coverage, social media buzz and whose agents paid Forbes the most money to put them on a list. At the top of this year’s 100: Jennifer Lopez, who was settling nicely into obscurity as that lady on Eric Cartman’s hand in an old episode of ‘South Park’ before ‘American Idol’ rocketed her back to prominence. Former American Idol winner Taylor Hicks also made the list, coming in at number 4,544,022 between Burnsy and the golden voiced homeless guy.

Tiger Woods managed to hang on as this year’s highest ranking sports celebrity, coming it at number 12. The only other sports guy in the top 25 was LeBron James at number 15, despite Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal coming it at numbers 2 and 3 in “Press Rank” behind Lady Gaga. I don’t know how much of this list is based on math and how much of it is based on people at Forbes trying to name 100 celebrities, so bear with me.

Here’s a full list of the sports personalities who ranked this year:

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I once thought that a great idea for a magazine would be Haters – “The publication devoted to people who hate sh*t.” It was my billion dollar idea until I learned that things take effort and I hate that sh*t. But lately I’ve realized that my idea would have just been a knock off of the magazine that already has hate down pat – Forbes.

When it’s not busy hating people who don’t have money, Forbes is going out of its way to compile lists of people and things that we all hate. This week, it’s the annual list of the Most Hated Athletes in America. Sure, they call it the Most Disliked Athletes, but read between the capitalist lines, amigos.

So who, pray tell, are the most heinous and villainous prick athletes in all of the land, Forbes?

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WARNING: Do not stare directly at the beauty.

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve been trying to develop more of an open forum atmosphere within these UPROXX sites as a means of making our conversations broader and more engaging, all to enhance the overall reading experience. For instance, if you missed my Pulitzer quality discussion about snack cakes last week or Cajun Boy’s rap beef investigation, well then you’re not living life to its fullest.

That said, I’ve previously touched on the relationship of Hollywood megastar and guy who I really want to be best friends with, George Clooney, and former WCW Nitro Dancer and WWE Diva Stacy Keibler, but I’ve never actually pushed everyone into the deep end of just how much this couple fascinates me. So as we celebrate the birthday of one of the most important people in American history (happy 53rd, Sade!) I thought we could go ahead and throw our thoughts around about America’s most improbable-yet-gorgeous couple.

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