Alex Rodriguez Demands The Best

Written by Danger Guerrero / 02.01.13

Alex Rodriguez has found himself at the center of another steroids scandal, which is something I wouldn’t give a single horseback-riding sh-t about under normal circumstances. But Outside the Lines released a report based on their investigation into the South Florida doping operation run by Anthony Bosch, and it will surprise you exactly zero percent to find out that A-Rod required special treatment even while using PEDs.

The texts, the source said, usually came late at night, telling Anthony Bosch to come to the house. Bosch would then head to the waterfront mansion on Biscayne Bay, through the gate on North Bay Road, to inject performance-enhancing drugs into Alex Rodriguez.

Procedures were different, though, sources told “Outside the Lines,” for the other athletes who were customers of Bosch’s Biogenesis of America clinic in Coral Gables, which Major League Baseball considers the center of a widespread doping operation in South Florida. Those athletes, sources said, relied on intermediaries to transport the performance-enhancing drug regimens Bosch provided.

But for A-Rod, the service was always personal: “Only Tony handled A-Rod,” one source told “Outside the Lines.”

Are you like me? Do you really want to see those texts? For some reason, I don’t know exactly why, I feel like Alex Rodriguez’s texts are littered with emoticons. “Come over. Bring steroids :)” “Not now. Neighbor came over to borrow sugar and won’t leave :/” and so on.

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Kevin Garnett’s Honey Nut Cheerios And Other Athletes Re-Imagined As Breakfast Foods

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.10.13

In one of the better “Boys will be boys” stories of this early sports year, New York Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony reportedly took offense to something that Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett said to him during Boston’s 102-96 victory on Monday night. According to various websites, Garnett supposedly told Anthony that his wife and decision-maker, La La Vasquez-Anthony, “tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios”. Honestly, I don’t really know how that’s an insult, because it mostly just reminds me of Patrice O’Neal’s birthday cake joke (watch “Elephant in the Room” if you’re unfamiliar).

Now, if I had to guess, Garnett has never had sex with Anthony’s wife. Maybe he has, and therefore is qualified to make such a statement, but this is probably just an example of what the kids call “trash talk”. However, some people believe that this sort of trash talk crosses a line, including Anthony, who waited for Garnett by the Celtics team bus so they could settle this like men. After all, you can take the millionaire professional athlete out of Brooklyn, but you can’t take the Brooklyn out of the corporate product spokesperson.

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Taiwan Hates The New York Yankees, Loves Animating C.C. Sabathia’s Bones

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.22.12

If that preview image doesn’t make you click the link, maybe this will: at one point in Taiwan’s “New York Yankees didn’t make the World Series” epic, Alex Rodriguez draws a sex emoticon on a ball and gets it tossed to a lady. Yep.

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Links

Taiwan Animation Yankees World SeriesHere Are 15 ‘Adorable’ Halloween Costumes For Kids That Are Actually Quite Horrifying |UPROXX|

‘SNL’ Recap: Bruno Mars (And Tom Hanks) |Warming Glow|

Holy Sh*t. Nic Cage in talks to star in a Left Behind reboot. |Film Drunk|

Excessive GIF Theater: How To React To Christian Ponder Dating Samantha Steele |With Leather|

Five Historical Eras The Assassin’s Creed Franchise Should Explore Next |Gamma Squad|

8 Ways Beyonce Could Pay Homage To New Orleans During The Super Bowl Halftime Show |Smoking Section|

Pizza Bloody Mary: Football Foodie Brunch Cocktails |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Hoo Boy, The Internet Hates Alex Rodriguez

Written by Ashley Burns / 10.19.12

The cover of today's New York Post.

Now that the Detroit Tigers have swept the New York Yankees, we can expect a ton of speculation about what the world’s most important baseball team will do in the offseason. Hell, for the first time that I can remember, people were actually speculating about the Yankees trading a player while they were still competing for the American League Championship. That’s remarkable even for “We’re the Yankees, we get whatever we want” standards. And, of course, the focus of all of the speculation will be around embattled third baseman and Grade A poon hound, Alex Rodriguez.

Rodriguez was slowly drawing the ire of Yankees fans as he was just awful at the plate throughout the entire playoffs (for the last three years, mind you) and the cherry on top was the New York Post’s story about A-Rod, who is dating Torrie Wilson, hitting on an Australian bikini model from the Yankees dugout after he had been benched and while his team was losing. Even Donald Trump bought a first class ticket on the hate train.

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Alex Rodriguez Is Still A Grade A Poon Hound

Written by Ashley Burns / 10.16.12

"Yeah, this cologne really works."

Alex Rodriguez made $29 million this season. He’ll make $28 million next season, $25 million in 2014, $21 million in 2015, $20 million in 2016 and another $20 million in 2017. This is important to note, because if you share those numbers with any New York Yankees fans right now, they might stab you, so maybe keep this info between us. Their rage, of course, stems from the fact that the Bronx Bombers are down 0-2 to the Detroit Tigers in the ALCS and the man with the largest contract in baseball history flat out sucks.

And if Yankees fans were upset with A-Rod before, I can’t even imagine how they feel now, as the New York Post has revealed that after he was benched in the 8th inning of Game 1 on Saturday night, A-Rod was hitting on women in the stands. Rodriguez spotted the girls, wrote a note on a ball and had the ball boy give it to them, all while his teammates were doing the heavy lifting for a 9th-inning comeback.

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The Best Alex Rodriguez Rod Stewart Parody Video You’ll Watch Today

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.15.12

That headline isn’t a guarantee. I mean, this could spark an online Alex Rodriguez Rod Stewart parody video revolution, with A-Rod and Ronald Isley duetting ‘This Ol’ Third Base Of Mine’ or whatever, but it’s at least ONE of the best. (via NOC)

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Links

Alex rodriguez rod stewartA Guide To The Biggest Troll On The Internet And The Reddit Vs. Gawker War |UPROXX|

Guy Fieri Had The Best Burn At Anthony Bourdain’s Roast |Warming Glow|

A documentary about Colombians having sex with donkeys. This exists. |Film Drunk|

Oh Hey, Kate Upton. What’s Up? |With Leather|

Aaron Paul Would Like To Play An Awesome Sidekick In ‘The Dark Tower’ |Gamma Squad|

Cash Money’s 11 Best Thug Love Songs |Smoking Section|

Hot Bean and Chimichurri Dip, South American Choripans: Football Foodie Sauced |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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