We needed 3 teams to win and 1 to lose in order to create the most awesome playoff to the playoffs scenario in the history of the collection of shit that is the National League.  Instead, 2 teams lost, and the ramifications of today's games were about as anticlimactic as an old man in a brothel.  Sure we still get to see the Rockies play the Padres in a 1-game playoff for the NL Wild Card, but Fate could have caused much more psychological pain.  Imagine if the Mets would have won today, but then lost tomorrow to the Phillies in the match to decide the NL East Champion.  Then, just think if they would have beat the Friars on Tuesday to face Colorado in the Wild Card playoff game.  And they were winning by 3 going into the bottom of the 9th.  And then Troy Tulowitzki hit a 2-out grand salami to beat them.  Dr. Kevorkian is back on the streets, and I believe he would be in high demand in Queens.  Anyway, the moral of the story here is that I'm a cruel bastard.  Mr. Met's mood is still optimistic though. 

In light of yesterday's post about Milton Bradley going crazy and getting his ACL destroyed, it's only fair to point out that there was a series of incidents leading up to Bradley's ejection/injury that he wasn't at fault for.  MJD has a more thorough breakdown in today's Debriefing, but the short of it is that first-base umpire Mike Winters said some not-very-nice things to Bradley. First-base coach Bobby Meacham:

"In 26 years of baseball, I couldn't believe my ears the way that he spoke to Milton. [It] was so disrespectful, so angry, so vindictive. The boiling point is when he called Milton a name. Milton did not saying anything to him to get him to do that."

Winters probably didn't need to trump everything Meacham's heard in the last 26 years to make Bradley go crazy.  Milton Bradley — how do I put this? — he's not exactly Jackie Robinson.  Bradley makes Joey Porter look stable and composed.  Sucks for the Padres to lose one of the only guys on the team that can hit, though.  But hey, at least they're winning the Wild Card race, though, right?  Oh.  Sorry.

Also see: The Dugout

The Padres' Milton Bradley was ejected from the game and injured while being restrained in yesterday's sweep-clinching loss to the Rockies.  Above is wonderful video of the event, which is perfectly summed up the FanHaus's Matt Watson:

[H]e literally hurt himself by getting angry and defying authority. Has a player ever summed up his entire career more succinctly with one play? …[This event] defines his entire essence.

Couldn't agree more.  Considering that, yes, all Milton Bradley does is go crazy and get injured, it's good to see him get more efficient at what he does best.  It's like if I learned how to masturbate and call Eva Longoria an annoying bitch at the same time, I could save myself a couple hours every day.

The Cardinals scored all ten of their runs in the fifth inning last night, chasing David Wells and sending them on to a 10-5 victory.

Much more interesting: Padres play-by-play man Matt Vasgersian made some off-the-cuff remarks about St. Louis that will almost certainly land him in hot water.  From Awful Announcing (edited for clarity):

[I've] had it with this place already… [about the fans] Get back in your El Camino and drive back to the ozarks… [faint] I'm done with this place.  I'm so tired of losing here.  It's hotter than shit.  We get our asses kicked every time we come here. I'm not coming here next year.

What a shame.  What a shame that he'll get in trouble for speaking the truth.  San Diego is paradise on Earth and St. Louis is the muggy armpit of the Midwest.  Hell, JoeSportsFan has a weekly feature that produces photos of Cards fans like the one seen here.  You tell me: is this guy from Ladue or the Ozarks?  And yet it's Vasgersian who will be punished because St. Louis sucks.  

Well Matt, at least you won't be going to St. Louis next year.

Refreshingly candid update: Vasgersian emailed AA directly with a sensible explanation.

In a battle of the best the AL and NL have to offer, the Red Sox won game 3 against the Padres to take the series.  Josh Beckett pitched 8 strong innings giving up only 2 runs on 6 hits and striking out 8, and he now leads MLB with 11 victories.  The Padres' ace, Jake Peavy, had a rough 3rd inning where he allowed 5 singles and 3 runs which sealed his fate as the losing hurler on the day.  Exciting stuff, no?  No, not really.  The best part of this match-up was the hot, sunny weather which prompted the lovely ladies of Section 309 to wear as little clothing as possible.  Other cheap seat highlights included the denizens of Red Sox nation summarily "booing" ("You fucking suck, you piece of shit!") their own shortstop, Julio Lugo, at every plate appearance (Lugo was the only Boston starter without a hit).  Also, after my 9th beer in the blazing sun, the ghost of Willie Stargell appeared before me in a vision and urged me to begin singing "We Are Family" as loudly as I could after San Diego's Termel "Sister" Sledge hit a 2-run double.  

In other MLB news, Ken Griffey Jr. hit 2 homers to pass Mark McGwire on the all-time list, but the Reds lost to the Mariners 3-2 . . . Angels shortstop Erick Aybar's 10th inning single scored Howie Kendrick to lift Los Angeles past the mighty Pittsburgh Pirates . . . Milwaukee's Chris Spurling walked in the winning run as the Royals defeated the Brewers in 11 . . . the Cubs sweep the White Sox 3-0 as the Pale Hose only score 2 runs in the three games.  It's a good thing I'm in California or else I'd have some Molotov cocktails for my North Side relatives.  What the hell, I'll deliver them when I get back to town. -KD 

Dice-K out-dueled Greg Maddux last night as the Red Sox beat the Padres 2-1.  Not very exciting you say?  Au contraire.  By submitting an Adventures in Journalism request to the Chief after his afternoon cocktail(s), I was lucky enough to attend this contest in the sunny climes of SoCal, and, oh, the wonderful things I discovered:

1. The Padres uniforms look much different in person than they do on TV.
2. The Red Sox fans in attendance enjoyed chanting; the Padres fans enjoyed indifference.
3. If you spy an extremely atrractive female BoSox fan wearing red knee-highs, red hot pants, and pig-tails, do not hit on her unless you're prepared to bare-knuckle box her 7 boyfriends.
4. Finally, Greg Maddux will enter a retirement community any day now, as he fell off the mound while trying to deliver a pitch to Big Papi in the top of the 6th inning.  This comical scene prompted a Red Sox dad sitting in front of me to teach his young son to respect elders by shouting, "Throw the ball old man!"

All in all, everyone in the drunk tank this morning agreed this was the best pitching match-up they've seen since Christy Mathewson hurled against Mordecai "Three-Finger" Brown.  In other MLB news, the lowly Cincinnati Reds defeated the Mariners 16-1.  Ouch.  If you see the Chief on the streets of NYC today, you may want to steer clear. -KD