As news leaked yesterday that ESPN had produced a music issue of the network’s magazine that will hit stands on Friday, the spectrum of reaction ran from “Oh God why?” to “Wait, music, huh?” And while I would totally be on board with ESPN the Magazine publishing an issue dedicated to professional athletes who have acted like musicians and vice versa, this is instead just an exercise in athletes dressing up to look like popular musicians. I know, I don’t really understand it either.

Included in the issue, which features LeBron James on the cover with Dr. Dre, is an interview with Jimmy Iovine, the man behind the Beats by Dre headphones. He claims that LeBron James is a better athlete now than he was four years ago because of those headphones. Seriously. Additionally, there’s also a feature on Seattle’s new superstar emcee, Macklemore, who our own Josh Kurp wrote about yesterday.

But the real fun is had with the athletes, and it starts with Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte recreating Nirvana’s “Nevermind” album cover.

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One of the unfortunate drawbacks of this being an almost entirely sports-related blog (unless, in extreme circumstances, the situation calls for Kate Upton pictures) is that we don’t ever really get to enjoy the best part of Halloween – girls in slutty costumes. Fortunately, the US Women’s National Soccer Team is here to help us out with that, and soccer girls totally know how to party. Not as much as rugby girls, but they’re still up there.

That said, With Leather’s Official Favorite Women’s Soccer Player Alex Morgan and the equally awesome Sydney Leroux paid tribute to their fellow American Olympians, McKayla Maroney and Gabby Douglas, respectively, over the weekend at whatever Halloween parties they attended with their teammates Abby Wambach and Shannon Boxx.

Basically, this is a very roundabout way of me saying that Morgan and Leroux Tweeted pictures of themselves in one-piece bathing suits, so I’m posting them. Consider this the candy that I would have pretended to put in your bag if you came to my door. (Along with a couple ice cubes, because I’m a dick.)

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Conan O’Brien’s ‘Clueless Gamer’ segments are the best. If you frequent UPROXX, you may have already seen him play through ‘Skyrim’ as a cat named Mr. Buttons or not give a shit about ‘Minecraft’.

This week’s segment reviews ‘Just Dance 4,’ enlisting the help of U.S. Olympic soccer gold medalist/the Internet’s girlfriend Alex Morgan. Alex and Conan dance their way through Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ and Europe’s ‘The Final Countdown’ before Conan gives up completely and leaves Alex to roll around on the floor by herself.

It’s five minutes of Alex Morgan dancing in workout clothes, people, you don’t need me to blurb this for you. Video is below.

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Alex Morgan and other people wearing Olympics clothes want to say thank you for your support. You’re welcome, everyone except Lolo Jones. You just made me feel really stressed out all the time. (via Gunaxin)

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Links

The Best Of Our Live Discussion With Ryan Hurst From ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ |UPROXX|

Into The Dark Heart Of Guy Fieri Culinary Hell: A Review Of Guy’s American Bar And Kitchen |Warming Glow|

James Cameron puts Jack-Could’ve-Fit Gate to Rest Once and for All |Film Drunk|

Sports On TV: 30 Rock’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments |With Leather|

Four Reasons Paul W.S. Anderson Deserves More Credit |Gamma Squad|

50 Cent Doing Business With Manny Pacquiao Is The Most 50 Cent Thing Ever |Smoking Section|

Peyton Manning Victories Apparently Marred By Pigeon Droppings |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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As a male blogger, I’m no stranger to objectification. Not a day goes by that I’m not harassed by some random girl trying to goad me into sexually explicit conversations or asking me to view her webcam while calling me “sweety” or “honey”. It’s degrading to say the least, and so I can totally relate and offer my support to my bros like Ryan Lochte, while millions of women ignore his incredible swimming talent in favor of his looks. Same boat, broseph. Same boat.

But I was also unaware that people apparently objectify female athletes in this same way. While this is news to me, I checked with some other Internet gentlemen and they, in fact, assured me that sexism and misogyny are alive and well in women’s sports. This shocked me, to say the least, because I couldn’t help but wonder if my beloved Alex Morgan and Daniela Hantuchova (above) have been the victims of this objectification as well.

The people at talkSPORT Magazine recently made a video that honors the “Sexy female Olympic athletes at London 2012” and it turns out that some people are offended. And I’m not talking about regular people like you or me. I’m talking about true intellectuals – YouTube commenters. After the jump, you can watch the video for yourself and then get schooled by YouTube’s brightest and most reasonable.

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There’s a great deal of added pressure on the U.S. women’s soccer team in this 2012 Summer Olympics, what with the men’s team apparently being contracted or something. Fortunately, stars like Abby Wambach and Hope Solo are up to the challenge, what with their whole being really talented thing going on.

However, yesterday, after a disheartening start in which the red hot French team, winners of 17 straight, got out to a quick 2-0 lead, the U.S. women showed why they’re best players for the best country in the world (f*ck you, Botswana) as they fired back to win the game 4-2. Multiple women player their parts in making this victory happen, but the game’s true star was our favorite, Alex Morgan, who was responsible for two of Team USA’s scores.

Said U.S. captain Christie Rampone, “They’re really stepping up and they’re really taking pride in wearing the USA jersey and showing American pride, more the mentality — kind of old school with a young flair. They’re doing a great job.”

Rampone says the combination of Wambach and Morgan puts this team in an elite class. She says, of Morgan, “She has embraced the fact that she’s now in the starting lineup and she plays well with Abby Wambach up top.” (Via the USA Today)

Unfortunately, not many conversations can take place regarding Morgan without mentioning her looks, because we’re a culture of perverts these days. Thankfully, we consider ourselves gentlemen at this fine website – despite what the HuffPo, Yahoo! and eventually Daily Mail when it finds a writer to copy another person’s opinion think – so I wanted to give everyone an opportunity to finally end the objectification of Morgan as the Internet’s “girlfriend” so we can simply appreciate her as a world class soccer player.

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