Sports

Albert Pujols Injured, Out 4-6 Weeks - Still injured. See how important this news is? Even the rap music and urban culture section of Uproxx is covering it. Nothing more urban than mid-June NL Central baseball, I guess! P.S., Albert will be out 4-6 weeks due to an injury. [Smoking Section]

The Best and Worst of WWE Capitol Punishment - I’m going to struggle through a Best and Worst of Made Up On the Spot Raw today, but while I’m struggling, go back and read about Capitol Punishment. Something sorta happened, kinda! [With Leather]

Why Soccer Sucks - I am a burgeoning soccer fan, so I’m presenting this article as the last ten years of talking points I’m trying to get over. I’m over most of them. “Mascots and cool shirts called ‘kits’” was enough to get me over most of them. [Sports Biotch]

Emo Tiki Speaks Out - Thank goodness the Brady Bunch never came across an Emo Tiki. Instead of wiping out, Greg would’ve just sat on his surfboard and cried about Jennifer Nichols. Yeah, I should give up sports and just write a Brady Bunch blog. [KSK]

Not Sports

Katrina Bowden is Such a Nerd - This isn’t as funny as it wants to be (because “hot girl is a nerd” isn’t really a compelling thing when you’ve grown up) but I’m posting it because I absolutely agree with fake her about Studio Ghibli. Only Yesterday is so much better than Spirited Away, even if the protagonist doesn’t rub off any river gods. [Gamma Squad]

25 of the Worst Celebrity Tweets of All Time - I must be simple, because Goldie Hawn’s tweet on this list made me laugh out loud. I still haven’t gotten comfortable mentioning every aspect of my life on Twitter (follow me @MrBrandonStroud, nudge nudge), especially not how much I want to eat Subway. [Uproxx]

First Ever Picture of Tom Cruise Acting Flamboyant - I remember thinking Tom Cruise was the coolest guy when I was younger. Of course, I don’t specifically remember thinking that, I just watched a sh*tload of Top Gun. Here he is being the opposite of Top Gun! [Film Drunk]

G4 Pulls Ryan Dunn’s Reality Show - Rest in peace, guy who drunk drove his Porsche into some trees. I miss G4 being about video games, even if the only things I ever watched were “Starcade” and Morgan Webb’s parts of X-Play. [Warming Glow]

Alternate title: e’ouch

Before you can even type “Albert Pujols out 4-6 weeks following wrist injury”, the Internet has turned itself inside out reacting to Kansas City Royal Wilson Betemit’s Flash-on-Anti-Monitor run into Albert’s glove, showing us that the world’s most powerful living entity can feel pain, and that when he feels it, he does a weird little hop to show it.

Of course, if what’d happened to Pujols happened to me I wouldn’t have hopped weird, I would’ve collapsed into a screaming mess there by first base and hyperventilated until I passed out and somebody dragged me to a local medical facility. In the even that you haven’t seen the play from Sunday, hop over to embed-unfriendly MLB.com and check it out. It isn’t Theismann’s Leg bad, but it might make your wrist hurt for the rest of the day.

So, what does this mean for the Cardinals? It means more Lance Berkman. Anybody excited about that? Maybe Red Schoendienst has an extra pair of homer-hitting pants that Berkman can wear until Pujols heals. The Cards have been doing all right without Adam Wainwright, so the loss of Albert will be the next step in the social experiment to see how many players you have to take away from a team before they start playing like the Spring Twins.

[via The Entire Internet]