In case you missed it during that weird period when a video goes viral and the person who made it gets butthurt and takes it down, then realizes it is their only shot at ironic fame and puts it back up so they can get on Tosh, please enjoy this video of University of Alabama Panhellenic Association Board combining their awful white teen girl powers to form some Godless approximation of musical Voltron. In layman’s terms, white girls are stealing from every culture imaginable, be it Greek to African-American to Internet, and they feel totally amazing doing it. Vince Mancini and Josh Zerkle gave the track (cough) a listen on the latest Frotcast, and it is my job to sorta shuffle it over here. Every day I’m shuffling.

Highlights include a namedrop of football coach Nick Saban, a big “ta-da” finish inside Bryant–Denny Stadium and a Rebecca Black remix, because that’s something people still think is funny. Who am I kidding, the only highlight is that you’re watching this and not one of the people in it.

From the Daily Mail:

The school’s media relations director, Cathy Andreen, told The Huffington Post: ‘It was supposed to just be to welcome the girls who were going out for Greek rush.’

Ashley Getwan, president of the Panhellenic Association at the university, said: ‘We didn’t realize it would get so much publicity… Any publicity is good publicity, we hope.’

CBS42.com reported that the school’s rush week has seen a record number of would-be pledges, with more than 1,700 and counting.

Counterpoint:

One YouTube commenter wrote: ‘This is f**king embarrassing. I love this school, but this is why people can’t stand these sh*theads.’

I’m going to throw in with the second guy.

Yeah, I can’t come up with a funny picture for this one. ESPN’s college football rumors page is using a player’s death to talk about the Alabama Crimson Tide’s depth chart. In a site grab that has just started spreading around Twitter (with a tip of the hat to a rightfully outraged Jimmy Traina … although you really don’t want somebody tipping a hat in your direction over this), Albert Lin shows you how much of a f**king joke you can be and still get a mainstream blogging job by trivializing Aaron Douglas’ death to the point of absurdity.

The best part is where he uses the phrase “although it’s far from the most important result of this development” as a sort of “I’m not racist, but” safeguard against criticism, completely missing out on the fact that his “shocker” is ONLY about this result of the development. I keep wanting to type “what the hell is wrong with you,” but even that doesn’t seem to touch it. I’m not the worldwide leader in sports or anything, but I wouldn’t think this is the kind of thing you’d want to pay somebody to write.

Rest in peace, Aaron. Sorry about some of the people you left behind.

Update: The offending post has been removed (and now reads “XX”). Hopefully more than the post itself will be removed.

[H/T to Jimmy Traina, photo credit to Sean Kennedy]

Last week, pitchers Justin Verlander of the Detroit Tigers and Francisco Liriano of the Minnesota Twins threw no-hitters and everybody was all like, “Oh snap, two no-hitters in one week?” And eternal Pulitzer nominees like the Detroit Free Press are wondering if a guy like Verlander is finally set to be a star for his second no-no. Of course the answer is… hell no. Not when Kelsi Dunne is kicking ass and taking names.

A University of Alabama softball sensation, Dunne pitched the ninth no-hitter of her collegiate career Friday night against Ole Miss, as the Tide won 8-0 in exciting college softball fashion. The only thing that stood between Dunne and perfection was a hit batter, but I’ve heard that women tend to experience emotional flares every four batters.

In all seriousness, though…

According to Alabama head coach Patrick Murphy, this title is for the hurting community that has supported the Alabama softball program since the beginning.

“This was for Tuscaloosa and all the communities in Alabama that were hit by the tornados,” Murphy said. “It’s great to bring home an SEC championship two years in a row and we can’t wait to celebrate with the people of Tuscaloosa.” (Crimson Tide Examiner)

Both the Tide and the Rebels presented checks to tornado relief efforts before the game, which is commendable and admirable enough to make sure this doesn’t spiral off into jokes about fantasies and pillow fights. This time.

Sports

12 Most Devoted Celebrity NBA Playoff Fans - This list taught me that Chris Tucker is suddenly old, Eddie Vedder has turned into a bookish MILF, and that Will Smith had his own basketball card. Also, how perfect is it that Jared from Subway loves the Pacers? The Pacers are the Jared from Subway of the NBA. [EgoTV]

The Deadly Sounds of Cricket - A cricket announcer is forced into (temporary, day-specific) retirement after “Trego went the tonk against Glamorgan” (whatever the hell that means) and hit the ball into the commentary box, breaking a window and hitting the poor guy in the back. Listen to it happen, for a strange mix of ominous and hilarious. [Stuff]

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Harvey Updyke, the man accused of poisoning the historic oak trees at Toomer’s Corner in Auburn (you know, the trees normal, ecologically-minded people cover in toilet paper to celebrate football victories) has spoken out, saying he expects to go to jail. He also made a Charlie Sheen joke, because the Internet has taught us to communicate like monsters.

“This is not a Charlie Sheen stunt,” he said. “I’m not winning. I’m losing.”

Talk about having Auburn Tigers Blood! Derp derp!

In case you haven’t been following this, the most important thing happening in our world today, an old man from Alabama responded to the loss of the 2010 Iron Bowl by committing ecoterrorism and adding a curse word to his favorite school’s catchphrase, sort of in that Michael Cole way where the cuss doesn’t really fit (“Roll Damn Tide.”) The trees are very important to Auburn students, because when you’re in college you care about sh:t like this.

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Probably the only thing more disturbing than the NFL releasing a schedule of games that it doesn’t intend to play (we’ll get to that) was something I stumbled upon this morning: apparently Alabama football coach Nick Saban already has a statue of his likeness erected in Tuscaloosa, just outside of Bryant-Denny Stadium. And why not? He’s been there all of four years already. Heh, erected.

The school, which has erected statues of all four of its national championship-winning coaches, was unveiled at last weekend’s spring game. It’s nine feet of bronze and it’s…special. I can’t help but be inspired by a bronzed dude wearing a polo shirt and sneakers, especially when the facial expression suggests something to the effect of “long divison” or “not enough bran.”

I was hoping that the statue would have depicted Saban packing up his office at LSU, or throwing a late challenge flag with the Dolphins. But think of all the players they could have paid off with the money they spent on that. That said, I’m sure any prospective vandals will appreciate the timeliness of spray-painting the legs and buttocks of the current head coach. I know I would.