"Seriously, guys... you've got me at here."

We all knew it was coming. After No. 1 LSU defeated No. 2 Alabama 9-6 on Nov. 5, anyone who has ever watched college football should have been able to see that we would be getting a National Championship rematch, so long as LSU won the SEC Championship. And seaux the Tigers did, whomping the No. 12 Georgia Bulldogs 42-10. I even got a kick out the ESPN scroll reading that LSU would “likely play in National Championship game.” Likely. Because Southern Miss’ win over Houston might have fried the computers.

So here we are, awaiting this rematch of the two SEC rivals. But wait a second… LSU wasn’t the only team that turned its opponent into the receiving end of a donkey show in a conference championship game. Oklahoma State spanked Oklahoma 44-10, so we were all like, “Well they should jump Alabama for No. 2, right?” Haha, you morons, of course not. OK St., despite finishing with a Big 12 championship and therefore a better record than Alabama, was still not good enough by the BCS computer’s standard to take the No. 2 spot. By a margin of .0086.

All right, everybody pick your side. Either you think that Alabama deserves a rematch with LSU because the Tide only lost by 3 points in such an amazing defensive game or you think that Oklahoma State is a conference champion and deserves to play for the title. Either you think that Alabama’s sole loss being to the No. 1 team in the country means more than OSU’s pathetic overtime loss to Iowa State or you think, So what, the Cowboys WON THEIR CONFERENCE. Draw your battle lines in the sand and prepare to argue via Facebook status updates and Twitter for the next month until LSU and Alabama play again.

For the record, I don’t think Alabama has any business playing in the BCS Title Game, but it’s not because the Tide didn’t win the SEC or anything like that. I just love seeing Alabama fans cry.

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Meet Kimberly, Alabama’s Vince Gilham, the 44-year-old Jefferson County deputy who won The Birmingham News’ “Ultimate Man Cave” contest, Tide Rolling country’s “quest to find the most elaborate set-up to watch college football on Saturdays”. Vince works part-time and his wife was laid off 18 months ago, but he spent a reported $35,000 on the cave, including leather recliners, Bear Bryant mannequins and three rolls of Legion Field AstroTurf to serve as carpet.

In case you’re the type who assumes writing for a sports blog means I think this is awesome, I present to you the following snippet from AL.com‘s report:

Ultimately, man caves boil down to this: “The only rules here,” said John Graves, a good friend of Vince’s, “are Vince’s rules.”

Also, “no black people”.

Pam Gilham, Vince’s wife, doesn’t just go along. She thinks it’s fun. “Every man should have his own cave,” she said in a remark that will endear herself to men everywhere.

If you use “heh” on the Internet or the word “babes” in real life, you may not be aware that most grown-up adult men do not need a “man cave” because they live in homes and are one-half of partnerships that should probably allow both people to live in peace. The age of that King of Queens style of marriage where the lady puts floral-print couches in the living room and has tea parties for the Colored Hat Society while the guy is a fat nimrod who loves his football and can’t wait to pal around with “the guys” should be f**king over, and the only thing more depressing than a guy with a man cave is a guy who says “man cave”.

Believe it or not, this is the first “can you believe this guy from Alabama” story that doesn’t hinge on him being from Alabama. Although the phrase “see some of Alabama’s man caves” is concerning.

“The only drawback to our man cave is we don’t have bathroom facilities,” Vince said. “If we had that, it would be top top-notch.”

Heh!

[h/t Fark]

In case you missed it during that weird period when a video goes viral and the person who made it gets butthurt and takes it down, then realizes it is their only shot at ironic fame and puts it back up so they can get on Tosh, please enjoy this video of University of Alabama Panhellenic Association Board combining their awful white teen girl powers to form some Godless approximation of musical Voltron. In layman’s terms, white girls are stealing from every culture imaginable, be it Greek to African-American to Internet, and they feel totally amazing doing it. Vince Mancini and Josh Zerkle gave the track (cough) a listen on the latest Frotcast, and it is my job to sorta shuffle it over here. Every day I’m shuffling.

Highlights include a namedrop of football coach Nick Saban, a big “ta-da” finish inside Bryant–Denny Stadium and a Rebecca Black remix, because that’s something people still think is funny. Who am I kidding, the only highlight is that you’re watching this and not one of the people in it.

From the Daily Mail:

The school’s media relations director, Cathy Andreen, told The Huffington Post: ‘It was supposed to just be to welcome the girls who were going out for Greek rush.’

Ashley Getwan, president of the Panhellenic Association at the university, said: ‘We didn’t realize it would get so much publicity… Any publicity is good publicity, we hope.’

CBS42.com reported that the school’s rush week has seen a record number of would-be pledges, with more than 1,700 and counting.

Counterpoint:

One YouTube commenter wrote: ‘This is f**king embarrassing. I love this school, but this is why people can’t stand these sh*theads.’

I’m going to throw in with the second guy.

Yeah, I can’t come up with a funny picture for this one. ESPN’s college football rumors page is using a player’s death to talk about the Alabama Crimson Tide’s depth chart. In a site grab that has just started spreading around Twitter (with a tip of the hat to a rightfully outraged Jimmy Traina … although you really don’t want somebody tipping a hat in your direction over this), Albert Lin shows you how much of a f**king joke you can be and still get a mainstream blogging job by trivializing Aaron Douglas’ death to the point of absurdity.

The best part is where he uses the phrase “although it’s far from the most important result of this development” as a sort of “I’m not racist, but” safeguard against criticism, completely missing out on the fact that his “shocker” is ONLY about this result of the development. I keep wanting to type “what the hell is wrong with you,” but even that doesn’t seem to touch it. I’m not the worldwide leader in sports or anything, but I wouldn’t think this is the kind of thing you’d want to pay somebody to write.

Rest in peace, Aaron. Sorry about some of the people you left behind.

Update: The offending post has been removed (and now reads “XX”). Hopefully more than the post itself will be removed.

[H/T to Jimmy Traina, photo credit to Sean Kennedy]

Last week, pitchers Justin Verlander of the Detroit Tigers and Francisco Liriano of the Minnesota Twins threw no-hitters and everybody was all like, “Oh snap, two no-hitters in one week?” And eternal Pulitzer nominees like the Detroit Free Press are wondering if a guy like Verlander is finally set to be a star for his second no-no. Of course the answer is… hell no. Not when Kelsi Dunne is kicking ass and taking names.

A University of Alabama softball sensation, Dunne pitched the ninth no-hitter of her collegiate career Friday night against Ole Miss, as the Tide won 8-0 in exciting college softball fashion. The only thing that stood between Dunne and perfection was a hit batter, but I’ve heard that women tend to experience emotional flares every four batters.

In all seriousness, though…

According to Alabama head coach Patrick Murphy, this title is for the hurting community that has supported the Alabama softball program since the beginning.

“This was for Tuscaloosa and all the communities in Alabama that were hit by the tornados,” Murphy said. “It’s great to bring home an SEC championship two years in a row and we can’t wait to celebrate with the people of Tuscaloosa.” (Crimson Tide Examiner)

Both the Tide and the Rebels presented checks to tornado relief efforts before the game, which is commendable and admirable enough to make sure this doesn’t spiral off into jokes about fantasies and pillow fights. This time.

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