Back in March, an Alabama Crimson Tide fan named Harvey Updyke Jr. was sentenced to at least six months in jail for admitting that he poisoned the famed trees at Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner, and I’m sure that Tigers fans everywhere were none too pleased about that light verdict. After all, those trees are so-called miracles, as they’ve grown and thrived for so long despite the fact that they can be harmed by the slightest changes in weather. They’re like nature’s Jose Reyes.

But what was so unique about their survival was that the surrounding environment of the Auburn campus actually kept them alive. That is, until Updyke dropped some Spike 80DF on them and pitifully ended their amazing legacy. To best understand what the loss of these trees has meant to Auburn and its surrounding community, ESPN.com recently re-ran Wright Thompson’s essay on the trees as a parallel for our own lives and the struggles that Auburn faces as a school in the SEC, but is that poetry enough?

Not for Giancarlo Guida, an Auburn alum and diehard fan who had Toomer’s Corner tattooed on his back. And I suppose the first question is, “Why?”

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AJ McCarron and Waka Flocka Flame remind you that Alabama is No. 1.

If you judge a man solely by his Twitter account, then Alabama QB AJ McCarron comes across as a pretty big douchebag. That’s not to say that I think he is a big ol’ bag of oil and vinegar to the billionth degree, but if I were a non-sports fan with no clue who he was and I came across his Twitter profile, I’d probably be like, “Gee, this guy is a total uber-douche, white sunglasses and all.” Of course, the same can be said for plenty of people, myself included.

Now, do I blame McCarron for rocking the whole “SWAGGY BRO” vibe now that he’s a national champion college guy whose girlfriend rocketed to fame after she was made out to be the second coming of Helen of Troy on national TV? Hell no. He’s behaving exactly how I’d expect any 22-year old guy to behave. In fact, I’m a little shocked that he doesn’t have his own replica WWE Championship belt to wear everywhere. It’s a white belt, naturally.

However, I do have to issue one little, “Dude, come on, bro” for McCarron after he hung out with rapping Muppet Waka Flocka Flame over the weekend.

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If I’ve learned anything from my decades of dating pop stars, actresses and models, it’s that there is always an agenda. For example, my last girlfriend, a Victoria’s Secret model, used to say things like, “Leave me alone” and “I’ve never met you” and “Seriously, my boyfriend is going to kick your ass”, and I knew that it was just her way of saying, “Please send me more collages of us with baby animals”. That’s why when Miss Alabama USA and girlfriend of that guy whose team won something earlier this week, Katherine Webb, suddenly canceled her TV appearances and changed her phone number, we knew there had to be a little more to the story.

Especially with this wacky bro involved.

Additionally, everyone should know by now that when you Tweet something on the Twitters and then delete it, it’s never gone. NEVER. Someone always has a copy of that Tweet, no matter how fast you think you were. And someone indeed grabbed a copy of a long-since-deleted Tweet from Webb yesterday that kind of negates all that privacy stuff…

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I don’t even know where to start with the 2013 BCS National Championship Game. For starters, I wrote yesterday that my gut said it felt like a 20-point Alabama win. F*ck that. 42-14 didn’t even do this game justice. The Crimson Tide owned the No. 1 Notre Dame Fighting Irish in a way that we’ve never seen before, but this game was over in the first quarter when No. 2 Alabama stormed out to a 14-0 lead. Seriously, there wasn’t a glimpse of life from the Irish that even suggested it was going to be a game.

But I’m a smart guy, and you’re smart readers, and we all know when this title game was actually over. It was when ESPN announcer Brent Musberger had absolutely nothing else to talk about but ‘Bama QB AJ McCarron’s girlfriend and Miss Alabama USA, Katherine Webb. Yes, she’s a very attractive girl. And yes, she is an Auburn girl, which makes it so much more of a statement for Tide fans. However, this should have been about the product on the field. Instead, it’s about how she gained more than 100,000 followers on Twitter last night.

Hell, even Arizona Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett wanted to take Webb to Wingstop, because she apparently owes him for all of her new followers (Sure, dude). And, much more importantly to our cause, Kate Upton offered her own shoulder for Irish fans to cry on. Bottom line – this game was a humiliating one for Notre Dame fans. But they were lucky that we had a distraction like Webb.

With that said, here were some of my favorite random BCS title game Tweets, set to the tune of Miss Alabama’s greatest hits. ROLL TIDE!

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Is this girl gonna make the championship this year?

Aw, remember the crying Alabama fan and his high maintenance hotty? I sure do miss them. I know that wasn’t from the National Championship game, but I hope she’s at the game tonight, just not with him. In fact, if she has two tickets and needs someone to sit with, I’d like to suggest that she team up with this Notre Dame fan:

Can we make that happen, Blog Gods? Maybe they get a little tipsy after and decide, for one night, to host a webcam show? Is that a possibility? We can dream, fellas. We can dream.

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There’s nothing like turning our attention to the BCS National Championship Game with a little game of what I like to call “Who’s Got the Sports Karma?” This is where I compare both teams – in this case the No. 1 Notre Dame Fighting Irish and the No. 2 Alabama Crimson Tide – by not using boring stuff like statistics and offensive or defensive matchups, but by what they’ve done to earn our “Awww”s and “That’s cool”s. And as you can see in that banner pic, ‘Bama is already going after one of our soft spots – the troops.

Specifically, Tide fan Justin Crisler founded an effort known as “Tide for Troops”, and through his Facebook group “Can I get a Roll Tide?” he was able to make 180 shirts bearing his group’s rally cry to deliver to a Huntsville, AL unit that deploys to Guantanamo Bay this weekend. Additionally, Crisler was able to send shirts along to the 167th Infantry Battalion in Afghanistan so they could cheer on their beloved Tide as well.

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