On paper (or perhaps pehper) the Toronto Blue Jays should be the team to beat in the American League East this season. With the core of the New York Yankees – Curtis Granderson, Alex Rodriguez and Mark Texeira – already injured and expected to miss significant time, the Bronx Bombers should be in for a down year. Additionally, the Boston Red Sox are coming off an unusual last place finish, which leaves the Baltimore Orioles and Tampa Bay Rays as the main threats to the Blue Jays’ divisional hopes. And thus ends the strangest paragraph I’ve written in several years.

So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Jays outfielder Jose Bautista is already psyched and energized to get the season underway, so he took to Reddit yesterday for an Ask Me Anything session, through which he answered some of the hardest questions that any athlete could ever answer – namely, what’s it like to play with Colby Rasmus’ goofy-looking ass?

Oh, and it also helped that Bautista was promoting MLB the Show. I’d certainly be excited if I were featured in a video game, and hopefully it would be called “Asslevania” and I play a vampire slayer who hooks up with Kate Upton. If anyone from Konami is reading this, I’m willing to write that plot.

Anyway, Bautista answered a ton of questions and seems like a generally great guy, so here are some of the better, more insightful answers for people like me who think Reddit threads are ridiculously confusing to navigate. That’s not a dig at Reddit, mind you, I’m just old and easily confused.

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