Pictured: Not Me

If you’ve enjoyed contributing money to millionaire Kickstarter vanity projects by folks like Rob Thomas, Zach Braff and Rob Liefeld (no, seriously, Rob Liefeld is doing one of these things), you’ll LOVE giving money to millionaires who matter: the bizarre human beings behind the Air Sex World Championships are making a documentary.

With Leather is all about Air Sex. They’ve brought me in as a judge a time or two, been featured onstage alongside folks like David Cross and-or Henry Rollins at Fun Fun Fun Fest, and the act of “f**king nothing” once made Howard Stern get all shifty on ‘America’s Got Talent.’ It’s a real thing, and more importantly it’s a real weird and funny thing, and it deserves a non-fiction film project.

Here’s their fundraising video. If Air Sex skeevs you out, perhaps you’ll enjoy the smooth baritone of The Internet’s Brandon Stroud bookending the trailer. Yes, I’m writing in third person now. Brandon is. Whatever. Check it out:

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As I mentioned last week, the Air Sex National Championships went down in Austin, TX, on Friday night. If you’ve never seen Air Sex, it’s a (for lack of a better term) head-to-head competition where performers execute no-holds-barred imaginary f**k-sessions on stage for the enjoyment of an audience of folks trying not to throw up. Brooklyn Decker was there in the crowd, apparently. I was on stage as a judge, because (1) I’ve been lucky enough to judge a few of these during its most recent touring schedule, and (2) I am not even ABOUT to pretend-hump something in front of Brooklyn Decker.

I put together a gallery of the show’s best and most iconic images (with the help of my good buddy Lex Lybrand of Wear The Cheese), and here’s a quick guide to what you’ll see as you flip through it:

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Some vaginas more pantomimed than others.

As regulars at With Leather may know, I became a recurring judge during season 4 of the Air Sex World Championships, making three appearances at the judges table to help decide which person did the best job at pretending to have sex. If you’re not a regular, it’s like air guitar, but with penises.

Anyway, the last time I attended an event I got to pal around with ‘Tim & Eric’ star David Liebe Hart, so I was obviously like, “this is the best the fake sex game gets.” But NO, tonight in Austin at The ND is the season 4 Air Sex finale, featuring the top performers from shows across the country coming together to … uh, come together, and entertain me, and to a lesser extent, you.

The culmination of a year of touring the country comes down to this. Who will win the coveted title of Air Sex National Champion?

We’ve got great performers from:
New Orleans, LA
New York City
Los Angeles
Washington DC
Austin, TX
Houston, TX
San Francisco

Hosted by comedian @ChrisTrew. Also featuring “foreplay” a special pre-Air Sex standup comedy showcase. Season 5 kicks off in May!

You can pick up tickets here, and if you’re anywhere near Texas tonight, you should. If you read With Leather and attend the event (and I don’t already know you), let me know and I will high five you with one of the least gross hands in the building.

If you aren’t in Texas, follow @airsex on Twitter today, and prepare for the weirdest gallery ever at With Leather on Monday.

I'm gonna try to win the Pulitzer with this one.

Austin, Texas, has 8-10 festivals every weekend, but this weekend was a big one: the 7th annual Fun Fun Fun Fest, featuring a reunited Run DMC, everyone from Public Image Ltd to X to f**king Kreayshawn and a cannon that shoots tacos. It’s the weird little brother of SXSW, and it’s the best.

It’s also full of sports, and because 1) I was there, and 2) I run a sports blog, I documented all of it to share with you here. I actually got to participate in some of it, too. My jobs as a returning judge for the Air Sex Championships and hosting gig for a veggie hot dog eating contest got me billed as a “Yellow State Artist,” meaning I performed (as it were) on the same stage as David Cross, Eugene Mirman, H. Jon Benjamin, Saul Williams and a magician who did a racist ventriloquist act and pulled ribbons out of a chicken’s ass. It was one of the coolest, best experiences I’ve ever had, and that’s not even mentioning how I got a crowd of hipsters to join me in a Daniel Bryan “YES” chant.

Inside this Golden Treasury of sports photos you’ll find:

- Skateboarding and BMX at “Ride The Plank,” sponsored by Project LOOP
- Pro wrestling courtesy of local pals Anarchy Championship Wrestling
- Mechanical bull riding
- The aforementioned Air Sex Championships, which gets covered a lot on With Leather these days and is exactly what it sounds like.
- The veggie hot dog eating contest

Stick around until the very end to see a shirtless fat guy in a horse mask squaring off against a punk rock pornstar. That is not clickbait, that actually happened. I love you, Fun Fun Fun Fest.

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As an extremely, extremely low-level celebrity in the Austin, Texas, area, I’ve gotten to participate in a lot of cool things. I’m co-hosting a veggie hot dog eating contest at this year’s Fun Fun Fun Fest, I’ve participated in a Megaphone Show at the best comedy theater in town and during Fantastic Fest (not to be confused with Fun Fun Fun Fest … we have a lot of fests) I was asked to be a judge at an Air Sex Championships show.

Of course, that was just an exhibition for the festival. The formal competition round for the next cycle of Air Sex Champions returned to Austin on Wednesday night at The Highball, and because I guess I did an okay job telling people they were good or bad at f**king invisible objects the first time, I was asked back as a judge. If you remember our exclusive coverage of the last time they were in town you’ll recognize a few returning competitors, but most importantly you’ll recognize me, sitting there at the table in the background secretly reverting back into 6-year old Super Christian Brandon and asking God to forgive me.

Big thanks to Lex Lybrand of Greenless Studios for these glorious action shots of the event. If you haven’t been to a live Air Sex show and it comes to your area (and it will … it tours nationwide), check it out. If not, I’ll bring a camera on stage with me next time and show you some horrible angles you’re missing from the crowd.

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Here’s a teaser video of me judging the Air Sex competition at Fantastic Fest in Austin over the weekend. Yeah, I looked that awkward and squeamish pretty much the entire time. What you don’t see: me almost getting pegged in the head with a chunk of thrown marshmallow that’d been in a lady’s mouth. If there’s an Air Sex Championship anywhere near you, go see it, whether I’m there or not. Preferably when I’m not there.

Shout out to my dear friend Megan Simon for sitting next to me at the judges table and making me look like absolute garbage. She should have a billion Twitter followers.

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Links

For The Love Of God, Please Be Good – Prince Amukamara Live Q&A Today @ 11 EST |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

The 10 Best Apple Maps Image Parodies So Far |UPROXX|

The Cast Of ‘Game Of Thrones’ Cleans Up Well For the Emmys |Warming Glow|

Adult Film Scripts > Regular Film Scripts |Film Drunk|

The With Leather Hot Twitter List Buzz Words Top 25: People We’d Go To Burning Man With |With Leather|

So You Need To Go See ‘Dredd’ ASAP |Gamma Squad|

Roy Jones & Kimbo Slice May Fight. Sounds Like A Bad Idea. |Smoking Section|

Did Blowing Into Nintendo Cartridges Actually Help? |Mental Floss|

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