The season’s NOT GONNA START, and YOU’RE. TO. BLAME.

The Arena Football League will not play a season in 2009, but the league isn’t folding.  Oh no, canceling an entire season is going to correct all the problems the league has.  Play will resume in 2010, when the 16-team league has “improved its economic model.”  Or in layman’s terms, “stopped sucking.”

“It’s a historic day for the league,” [Cleveland Gladiators owner] James Ferraro told the paper. “This league will be much, much stronger, and it will be here for a long time because of what happened.

“This is the farthest thing from the league folding,” he added. “This is, in my opinion, just showing us the league will not fold.”

If by “farthest thing from the league folding” he means “first step in the league folding,” then yes, I agree.

OK, Tom Porras never made it to the NFL, but he did play in every other professional football league — the CFL, AFL, and USFL.  Well, now Mr. Porras is in it a bit of trouble:

Scottsdale Unified School District officials said police were investigating alleged improper off-campus conduct between Tom Porras and a 17-year-old Saguaro High student at Porras' home Wednesday.  Porras, 49, made admissions to the sexual abuse incident while being interviewed, police said.

Apparently, those other professional leagues don't pay as well as the NFL because Porras is now a substitute teacher at Saguaro High.  There are other CFL star QBs at the school, but they're full-timers.  For instance, Porras subs for Doug Flutie in Physics class where the curriculum largely consists of the speed of gravity's effect on the bomb to Phelan, and for Warren Moon's English class where the pupils craft apology letters to their future spouses.  As usual, the next door neighbor was shocked:

"I think it's hard to imagine that somebody would bring somebody home, especially a girl that age."

Really?  I can imagine it.  Not that I have imagined it before now.  I mean you're forced to imagine it when somebody challenges you not to imagine it.  Right?  Oh man, my confessor is not going to like this. -KD