This week has already been highlighted by “news” that includes people accusing Beyonce of treason for lip-syncing the National Anthem, Manti Te’o playing the “What would you do?” game with Katie Couric, and Sheryl Crow, of all people, being dragged through the mud over Lance Armstrong admitting that he used PEDs, so I think it’s safe to say that this is quite the slow news week. But then, that’s what happens when you let those lazy football players take an extra week off before the Super Bowl.

Speaking of slow news and football players, I’m sure you’ve already read Wes Welker’s wife Anna’s less-than-favorable comments about Ray Lewis after the AFC Championship Game, in which she encouraged people to check out his lesser moments on his Wikipedia page. Of course, Anna (maiden name Burns, which means “fiery when drunk” in Irish) has since apologized, and we’ve heard very little from Lewis himself, making this almost a complete non-story.

That is, unless… yes, I think that’s… OH MAH GAWD, THAT’S LINDA HOGAN’S MUSIC!

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Actually, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg is a New York Jets fan, but he lost a bet with Pittsburgh mayor Luke Ravenstahl when the Steelers defeated the Jets in the AFC Championship. So his punishment for his blind faith was having to wear this Hines Ward jersey as he put together care packages for the troops. The contents of these care packages? Entourage DVDs. If you ask me, it seems like the troops lost the bet.

(Via The Gothamist.)

While most New York Jets fans were being talked off their figurative ledges, the team’s stars were out tearing up the clubs in New York City in the hours after their 24-19 loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers Sunday. Quarterback Mark Sanchez and wide receiver Braylon Edwards showed up to the Juliet Supper Club around 3 am, where Edwards racked up a $2,500 tab, which included a $1,100 bottle of champagne. Meanwhile, I drank George Dickel and Tab.

But while Edwards was in the DJ booth, telling the crowd that the Jets will make it to the Super Bowl next year, Sanchez was wiping his boogers on more important matters:

A source said: “Mark sat with Braylon for a short while, but soon enough he was back at the bar flirting with the bartender, a gorgeous South American girl — busty with long, dark-reddish hair. They were doing shots together, and he kept whispering in her ear and holding her hand. He looked pretty enamored and was at the bar until closing time.” (Via Fox Sports)

Play on, playboy. Meanwhile, World Vision, a humanitarian organization that focuses on child poverty throughout the world, has secured two generous donations from the Jets and the Chicago Bears – their respective AFC and NFC Championship merchandise.

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Patriots wideout Wes Welker was asked about his notorious foot fetish press conference on his way to his third Pro Bowl in Hawaii. Despite the fact that football fans were endlessly amused and insole products enjoyed a nice spike in sales, Welker insinuated that he would have kept mum.

Welker now sees an error in judgment. When asked specifically if he felt any regret for taking on the Jets in that manner, Welker responded: “Yeah, sure I do.”

Sitting at the airport in San Francisco, awaiting the second leg of his flight to Hawaii where he’s about to make his third Pro Bowl appearance, Welker took it from there.

“I’m not going to get into any details about it, but I don’t think it’s worth putting coach (Belichick) in that situation,” he said. “So in a sense, I do regret it. … As much as you might want to get enticed into that stuff, at the end of the day, it’s just not worth it.”

–Bahston Herald, via PFT.

I realize that I’m totally missing the point here, but can’t an NFL superstar get a direct flight from Boston to Honolulu? I’m not sure those even exist, and that’s probably a good thing. You just know some curly-haired sportswriter would drop a deuce in the first half hour of that flight and stink up the whole cabin. I know I would.

Picture semi-related.

While the world picked between the Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Jets in yesterday’s AFC Championship game, Mark Sanchez picked his nose and wiped it on Mark Brunell. The Steelers, of course, went on to win the game 24-19 and will play in their third Super Bowl in six years, but because I have the mind of a 5th grader, I’m only focused on Sanchez’s booger wiping. And yes, I did win a prize for being the 1 millionth person to make a Dirty Sanchez joke. What did I win? *points to crotch*

Players notoriously play pranks on each other, so I’m sure this was a good-natured ribbing between the Jets starting QB and his veteran backup. But come on, Sanchez! Act like you’ve wiped a booger on a guy before. Only an amateur gets busted. Peyton Manning and Tom Brady would have not only wiped their boogers on their backups without them noticing, but they would have put them on their faces. Sure, you beat them both in the playoffs, but did you win what really matters? No sir. You have a lot of learning left to do, Mark.

Video after the jump…

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