Tony Romo isn't just the Cowboys' All-Pro quarterback who dates Jessica Simpson.  He's got something more valuable than two consecutive years of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory in the first round of the playoffs: he is one of Cosmo magazine's Fun, Fearless Males, along with previous Simpson-fuckers Dane Cook and John Mayer. And Simpson's ex-husband Nick Lachey took the top award last year, so you know Cosmo's just mailing this shit in.

Romo broke the ice when he joked about the situation while claiming his award at Monday's luncheon. When musing about what made him qualify as Cosmo's Fun, Fearless Male, he said: "Dane Cook, John Mayer … if you date Jessica Simpson, I guess."

"Yeah, you know, it's been really cool to meet those guys, actually.  Turns out I'm not the only one who's weirded out by her dad staying in the room and masturbating while we have sex."

[Girls Gone Sports] 

SITE NEWS: Sorry the site was slow yesterday. I've been told that we got more RAM for our ad server, which made me giggle because I don't really know what that means.  But apparently shit's cool now.

Like everyone else, I ignored most of the Pro Bowl yesterday.  But I feel compelled to acknowledge that it happened just because it's my last chance to write about an actual football game until next fall.

So, the AFC blew a 17-point first half lead and succumbed 42-30.  T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Terrell Owens, and Adrian Peterson each scored two touchdowns, and Purple Jesus received the Most Outstanding Player award.  As always, I strongly recommend his highlight reel over at NFL.com.

A lot of people hate the game because it's so irrelevant, and there's some boo-hooing about Der Kommissar Goodell's talk of moving the game to the Super Bowl bye week, but I'm okay with the Pro Bowl.  Even though it's unsettling as hell to watch Ben Roethlisberger complete passes to T.J. Housh and Jeff Garcia throw to T.O. in the end zone, it's still a nice way to ease into the offseason.  The stark emptiness after the Super Bowl demands one more football fix, even if it's a completely half-assed game by stars on vacation.  Because after this, it's all basketball and hockey.  And… *shudder*… baseball.

Larry Brown Sports picked up on an article in this week's Sports Illustrated that is guaranteed to haunt your dreams.  In a profile of college basketball legend/legendary fatass Rick Majerus, some of his distaste for clothing becomes all too clear.

Another player remembers Majerus calling him up to his hotel room on various occasions, and "he’d answer the door in his towel and I’d come in and the towel would fall off and it was like nothing had happened. He’d just be standing there buck naked.

"One year he had this lower-back injury, and he would have the trainer massage it with the ultrasound. But instead of just lowering his pants a little bit, Majerus would pull his pants down to his ankles and sit in a chair and coach us. Sometimes he’d be like, ‘Guys, bring it in, take a knee.’ We’d come in, and we’re just like, No way this is happening."

I don't care if it's John Wooden or the ghost of Vince Lombardi, if a guy says "Take a knee" and he's not wearing pants, it ain't happening.  Not until we talk price.

Say what you will about the Red Sox, but a lot of the players on the team seem to have good senses of humor — or at the very least, they're extroverted meathead simpletons.  First baseman Kevin Youkilis is no exception.

Youkilis has teamed up with… MBSB Holdings, LLC to produce a new energy drink geared towards sports fans and athletes.  SlumpBuster, a term widely recognized by athletes and fans, will be launched in the 1st quarter of ’08 with hopes of being the official energy drink of locker rooms and stadium concession stands worldwide.

…Youkilis will serve as lead spokesperson for the product. In addition, MBSB is currently working with Youk in developing “Youk’s Signature” SlumpBuster. The special edition can will be rolled out in the Northeast and Midwest, with a portion of the proceeds from “Youk’s Signature” being donated to Kevin Youkilis Hits for Kids, Kevin’s charity.

Get involved and be the first in your area to “Take Down a SlumpBuster”.

Fuck a fat chick for the children.  Great message.  It's two acts of charity for the price of one.

[Red Sox Monster] 

the AP recap:

[Adrian] Peterson's 8-yard touchdown run, started by a shoulder-shake to fake Urlacher at the line of scrimmage, sent the Minnesota Vikings to their fifth straight victory, 20-13 over the Bears on Monday night.

"Couldn't finish," said Urlacher, who kept his sparse postgame comments to grouchy sentence fragments.

That's being awfully generous to Urlacher.  It insinuates that he has the ability to string together complete sentences.  Not that I have anything against him.  I'm very thankful to his people for discovering fire and inventing the wheel.

ESPN sideline reporter Jack Arute (try saying it "Jackaroo" — whee!) seems to be a little oblivious to terminology that entered the popular lexicon via Friends a decade ago.  John Walters writes, 

The most disturbing image [from Saturday's Notre Dame-Stanford game]? ESPN sideline reporter Jack Arute describing how Charlie Weis likes to deviate from his scripted plays at the 8-minute mark of the first quarter. Arute informed viewers that Weis' wife, Maura, describes her husband's ad-libbing as "going commando."

Thanks to 289 and his Photoshop skills, I won't be able to fall asleep for the next couple nights. So let me stress something here: CHARLIE WEIS DOES NOT ACTUALLY GO COMMANDO.  He has cast iron underwear that are never removed from his body.  They get cleaned when he walks through a car wash every day.

That's what I'm going to keep telling myself, anyway.  Gah.  Fucking 289.  That much FUPA should never see the light of day. 

[FanHaus]