I’m going to keep watching this until they get out.

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Links

Every Face Punch In ‘Road House’ Is Everything You Could Ever Ask For In A Supercut - I prefer that Bloodsport style of 80s-movie punch where you get hit and you turn and throw up blood, but maybe that’s just me. And Chong Li. [UPROXX]

Hanksy Broadens His Pop Culture Horizons With Cosby, Danson, And Gosling-Inspired Works - Somebody needs to add a Cosby sweater to every piece of graffiti ever. I want the HI HOW ARE YOU frog thing in Austin to have a Cosby sweater. [UPROXX]

Lindsay Lohan Will Host Saturday Night Live For Some Reason - She’s gotta promote those washed-out Terry Richardson cigarette ads somehow! [Warming Glow]

Scientists Create Substance That Could Let People Climb Like Spider-Man - My dreams are coming true. What a wonderful world wherein I might one day be able to dispatch a lightning guy by tossing a manhole cover at him! [Gamma Squad]

Oscar Voters Are 94% White, The Rest Are Erik Estrada And Lorenzo Lamas - The good news: now at least Midnight In Paris has a chance of winning stuff. [Film Drunk]

Peter King Says As An Underdog, We Underrate The Underdog Faction - “If your NFL market is experiencing signs of depression, consult your medical professional and have them sign journeyman returner Eddie Abilify.” [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

B.o.B.: So Good - Only if I get to look at Hayley Williams for every 45 seconds of him rapping. I could really use a wish right now. [Smoking Section]

Cage Potato’s Comprehensive 2012 MMA App Buyer’s Guide - Somebody should make an app about UK women’s mixed martial arts and call it “Angry Birds”. [Cage Potato]

Are ‘Downton Abbey’ Trading Cards Gonna Be the Next Craze? - Only if I have to tap Manor to use them. [The FW]

The 30 Reasons Why We’ll Miss ‘Downton Abbey’- They should let Whitney Cummings remake this show for CBS about a wacky girl trying to make it on her own in the big city and call it ‘Downtown Abby’. [Pajiba]

Sports Cards For Insane People: Have A Happy, Creepy Valentine’s Day! - The back of Greg “The Hammer” Valentine’s card is the best, I just wish the front said I BROKE WAHOO’S LEG, VALENTINE with hearts around it. [SB Nation]

Pierre Abernathy: The Dirty Dirty Sheets Interview - Check out this interview with the funniest pro wrestler you probably haven’t heard of. His moonsault is the stuff of legend. [DirtyDirtySheets]

Ron Swanson Is On IMDB - “Give me all the production credits you have.” [Buzzfeed]

To their credit, that’s mostly just “ugh, look at this asshole”. Via Mentality Magazine.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
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Links

30 One-Hit Wonders Who Deserve Their Own TV Shows - 31. “Shave Tonight”. Eagle Eye Cherry gives you tips on how to prepare for that ever-important first date, because tomorrow you’ll be gone. [UPROXX]

Ranking the 10 Most Profoundly Stupid Characters Currently on Television - There should be a follow-up list of the most profoundly stupid characters EVER so Kim Bauer could rank. OH NO A COUGAR LET ME RUN TO THIS HERMIT RAPIST’S HOUSE AND CHANGE CLOTHES. [Warming Glow]

RIAA-Ruined Rap: The 20 Worst Platinum Hip-Hop Albums Of All Time - LOL at Chingy having a platinum album. And while I’m at it, there’s no way Vanilla Ice’s album is worse than Willennium. [Smoking Section]

Five Reasons the XBox 720 Should Embrace Used Games - The only way I’m buying an XBox 720 is if I can ride it through a skatepark. [Gamma Squad]

What to Expect When You’re Expecting is Dr. Pepper 10 for Chicks - And if you drink Dr. Pepper 10 while watching What To Expect When You’re Expecting it turns you into a hermaphrodite. [Film Drunk]

If The Posters For Oscar-Nominated Movies Were Honest - I flipped through this WAITING for the making-fun-of-Hugo poster that would make me rage and quit the UPROXX network. Thankfully it didn’t show up. [UPROXX]

Life Has Turned Out OK For Zahia Dehar - If you missed this yesterday, UNF. Also, sorta ew. [With Leather]

The 53 Most Ridiculous Outfits From Paris Fashion Week - Or, “every outfit from Paris Fashion Week”. The only thing worse than people who are into fashion is people who are into music reviews. [Buzzfeed]

17 Cats Sitting In Things - I feel like if you add up all the random numbers from these lists it’d unlock the hatch on ‘Lost’. 17? I’m sure you can find 3 more things a cat is sitting in. [HuffPost Comedy]

11 Signs That Pat Sajak Is Always Drunk - The guy’s job has been saying “heh, continue playing the easiest game show in history, everybody” for like 40 years. I’d be drunk all the time, too. [The FW]

Eating Only Chicken Nuggets for 15 Years Lands British Girl in the Hospital - The worst part is that she’s got a bunch of posed photos with McDonald’s stuff, and nobody ever stopped to tell her she was being a weird spoiled little regressive creep. [Brobible]

7 Great Movies That Take Place in Freezing Weather - I don’t know when Mystery, Alaska started being great and not just a 2 hour illustration of how the New York Rangers would almost lose to a bunch of random citizens. [Unreality]

Okay, maybe not, but this puppy running to a Firefly B-side is pretty awesome.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud
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Links

Check UPROXX Out On Flipboard - Hooray, we have an app! Now you’ll never be too far away from Kate Upton slideshows and the 50 Most Craprifficially Stinktacular Epic Fail Bombz In some medium’s history. [UPROXX]

The 15 Best TV Series on Netflix Instant - A great resource, even if people still think ‘Scrubs’ was good. Be sure to check out the new, Ufford-less Warming Glow, where I will be trying to get a roster spot every second or third day for the next year. [Warming Glow]

One In The Ink, Two In The Stink: The Most Regrettable Tattoos You’ll See This Week - |UPROXX|

Shame Review: Michael Fassbender Likes Sex. A Lot. That’s Pretty Much It. - The best part of Shame is the end, where Carey Mulligan yells SHAME! COME BACK! [Film Drunk]

NYT: “Women Won’t Like Game of Thrones” - It’s a crossover hit. It’s not just for fantasy enthusiasts, they’re telling human stories in a fantasy world. (fill out the forms please thanks) [Gamma Squad]

Join The #PassTheCrown Contest With The Smoking Section! - The contest to see who can be the HOTTEST MC IN THE GAME! Actually I haven’t clicked the link yet so I have no idea what this is about, but go do it, no matter what it is. [Smoking Section]

The 23 Most Provocative Questions Posed By Philosoraptor - Pretty funny, but yes, in Japan there are uncool kids who are really into American culture. What, you’ve never read Dave Barry Goes To Japan? [Buzzfeed]

10 Unbelievable Reactions to Movies - I feel like if you pass out during a movie you’ve got problems that have nothing to do with the movie. Oh no, I saw something gross, /shuts down brain. We aren’t hedgehogs, we don’t roll into a f**king ball. [Moviefone]

The 10 Biggest Oscar Snubs of the 2012 Academy Awards: A Pajiba Prediction - Shockingly accurate, especially about Winnie The Pooh. I would’ve spent the whole time bitching about Hugo not winning Best Picture and Sacha Baron Cohen not winning Best Supporting Actor. [Pajiba]

The Ultimate ’90s Nerd Battle - Urkel Bot would win, all Screech could do in a fight is tear somebody’s shirt. [Unreality]

Greenville News Drops Giant ‘F*ck’ In Newspaper Story About the SEC Championship Game This Weekend - It took me a minute to find it, but when I did, holy sh*t. Or holy f**k, I guess. [BroBible]

Saturday Night Live isn’t always on the cutting edge of comedy and “baseball = steroids” isn’t the most creative joke, but I couldn’t help but enjoy this Moneyball parody from Saturday’s show. It features exaggerated muscle suits, Jay Pharoah eating a baseball and a wistful young daughter so wistful she can’t help but Wist when she hears the A’s are cheating. The only real downside is Ben Stiller still thinking “nervous, put-upon Jewish guy” and “slimy Jewish businessman” are the only two characters he can play. More Tony Perkis, less Tony Perkis Sr., Ben.

Check out the video below, courtesy of Hulu, who are proud to support the efforts of whoever:

This comes on the heels of College Humor’s “Too Much Moneyball”, at at this rate Eddie Murphy and Brett Ratner aren’t going to have anything left to parody at the Academy Awards. Who am I kidding? We could get ten more funny Moneyball parodies and Ratner would still fill the first 15 minutes of the Oscars with Murphy superimposed over Brad Pitt and yelling MONEYBALL, WHATCHOO TALKIN BOUT MONEYBALL I OUGHTA SLAP YOU to stock footage of Jonah Hill.