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Remember when Dida had his face gently touched by a fan who had run onto the field?  Then he took four normal steps before falling down and pretending to need medical assistance before getting a stretcher ride off the field?  If not, watch the video here.

Well, guess what?  Cuntface McCowardpussy actually got sanctioned for it.

UEFA have banned AC Milan keeper Dida for two Champions League matches for his theatrical fall against Celtic. Dida was found to have breached UEFA's "principles of loyalty, integrity and sportsmanship".

Of course, that's just for Champions League, which is regulated by all of Europe's soccer associations.  Back home in Serie A, Dida was given Italy's highest award for valor.  I believe it's called the Golden Vagina.

(Thanks to sexy Kristine. Rowr!) 

Last night in Scotland, Celtic shocked AC Milan in the Champions League with this 90th minute goal.  During the ensuing hysteria, a fan ran onto the field and brutally assaulted Dida, the Brazilian keeper hardened by years in the unforgiving shit-hell chamber of toughness that is Italy's Serie A.

Let's all pray that Dida is okay. 

(Thanks to Angel Eyes van Cleef for the tip. More info at The Offside.)

You've never seen this before, unless you watch soccer, then you see an Italian taking a theatrical dive is all too often.  This example by AC Milan's Alberto Gilardino is what Jackie Chiles would term, "egregious, preposterous and outrageous": 

Wouldn't it be cool if John Madden said, "that fully deserves censure if not ridicule" after John Runyan attempted to leg-whip an unsuspecting defensive end?   Anything would be better than, "Brett Favre is a great football player because he plays football the right way, and he's good with the football in his hands be cause he's a great football player." -KD

Sadly, I have to leave a little early today, but I thought I'd give soccer a little love on the way out the door (it was either soccer or Matt Leinart's crappy birthday party, and Nick Lachey was too easy of a target).

Anyway, about that UEFA Champions League Final between Liverpool and AC Milan: AC Milan got a late first-half goal when Filippo Inzaghi (who?) redierected a free kick from Andrea Pirlo (uh…) into the net.  They now lead 1-0 midway through the second half, although that could have changed by the time this post goes live.

Your best bets to catch the action (you know… besides TV) are the live blogs from The Offside and The FanHaus. 

Pictured: Abigail Clancy, girlfriend of gawky Liverpool striker Eric Peter Crouch.

UPDATE: AC Milan wins, 2-1.