The ABA Is Entertaining and Awful

Written by Ryan Walsh / 01.04.11

Considering that I had not the slightest idea the ABA still existed, this story came as a shock to me, and is certainly more interesting than hearing more Jim Harbaugh rumors. I’ve heard that Harbaugh’s 8 feet tall and owns a diamond mine in Sierra Leone. And now those are rumors, because you’ve heard them too.

Anywho, the Jacksonville Giants played the Georgia Gwizzlies (no, I’m not trying to phonetically write a hilarious speech impediment, that’s their actual name) in a game that was over at halftime, with he score 94-46 in favor of Jacksonville. This article’s halftime adjustments are courtesy of jacksonville.com.

The Georgia Gwizzlies got lost on the way to the Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena, delaying the start of Sunday night’s ABA game by one hour. Once they made it to the arena, the Gwizzlies seemed lost on the court as well.

The Giants dominated Georgia, 205-102, breaking their own record for points in a game set earlier this season. Jacksonville’s full-court press and fast-paced offense led to a 47-31 lead at the end of the first quarter.

The Giants kept the pressure on the Gwizzlies, and with every turnover, Jacksonville responded with a fast break and an easy basket. Jacksonville went on a 12-0 run midway through the second to open up a 68-33 lead, and by halftime led 94-46. –jacksonville.com

I don’t even think the Heat could score 205 points playing against my high school team. What kind of locker room adjustments do you make after giving up 94 points in the first half? “Play some damn defense, or you won’t get paid” would be the best bet, but I can’t imagine that the Georgia Gwizzlies get paid at all. I have no idea who their owner is, or if they even have an owner, but I know that sound financial investments like buying an ABA team are the key to getting our country’s economy back on track.

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STARRING WILL FERRELL AS WILL FERRELL

Written by Matt / 02.01.08

This is the "Rated R Trailer" for Semipro, Will Ferrell's new movie. The language is NSFW, so put your fucking headphones on.

I'm convinced that for all of Ferrell's movies, they shoot the trailer first, and then they go back and add filler for the other 88 minutes. And it doesn't help that dude plays the same fucking guy in every movie. Hey, look at me! I've got a crazy haircut! Look at my facial hair! I said 'Look at me!' I'm incapable of rational thought! I'm wearing lots of brown! I've got…what is this? A script? What do we need a script for? I'll just pop about 15 ritalin here and BAM! Movie Magic! I'm sure despite his bad financial advice and always being late with the rent, and making 90-minute SNL skits and calling them feature films, that he's a really good guy. 

The least he could do is fuck somebody famous. Not that I'm bitter or anything. - Monday Morning Punter

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