This Ride Will Be The Death Of You.

That’s Final Destination 3‘s tagline, because it is about a roller coaster that kills you. The roller coaster crash in that movie takes about nine minutes, making it the longest f**king roller coaster of all time.

Anyway, so arrives the third and final (until the sequel) installment of guest writer Bill Hanstock’s SFinal Destination series. We’ve spent seven-plus years portraying Giants fans as the butt of a horse, so hopefully this will catch on with San Fran Fans and open up a world of new ideas, such as the Giants dying in an airplane and the Giants dying on a freeway. In case you missed our updates on Friday, our updates yesterday AND today’s Morning Links, please read Part 1 and Part 2 before clicking through.

Then, click through. Today’s HAUNTING Dugout THRILLRIDE~ is after the jump.

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The San Francisco Giants are getting disabled!

“Baseball players getting injured” is a stalwart topic of conversation in the Official Chatroom Of Major League Baseball™ and the defending World Series champions are rewriting the book. To get an insider’s perspective on the series of unfortunate events befalling the Giants I went to Giants fan and California resident Bill Hanstock, the man who helped me out with The Dugout by Charles Bukowski. Bill’s inside information was “oh my god” and “what is happening”, so I asked him to fill in on today’s strip. Dugout Celebrity Guest Writer week continues (roughly bi-monthly for the rest of my life)!

After the jump, check out part one of SFinal Destination. Part 2 will be arriving shortly, and you’d think that’d be the end, but nope, five more sequels.

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Two people were injured at Citizens Bank Park — that's the baseball field in Philly — when a food service worker drove a golf cart into an elevator shaft.

[T]he driver had been intentionally riding the cart into the freight elevator door while waiting for it to open. When it did, his coworker said, the driver couldn’t brake in time, and the cart fell an estimated 30 feet onto the elevator below.

Uhhhh… that doesn't even begin to draw the picture for me.  I still have no idea what happened. Why didn't the coworker just say, "It was like that scene in Die Hard 4… except it was a golf cart and not an SUV.  And there was no explosion.  And no Asian chicks died."  (Spoiler alert! -Ed.)  Either that or, "He was being a jackass."  That's just as descriptive.  Funnier, too.

Of course, this is only slightly less bizarre than centerfielder Aaron Rowand's injury from a game of tag with neighborhood kids.  He's listed as day-to-day and is a late scratch for today's game of duck-duck-goose at Timmy's house.